New Beginnings, maybe. If I remember

by statia on October 21, 2013

I think it’s time to hang up the hat on this blog. More than 11 years of my life is on here, and it kind of amazes me. But it’s just not me anymore.  I think of the span of time that this has covered. It’s both depressing and crazy.  I was in my 20′s when I started this space. Newly divorced. A young, working professional. I was hip. I was cool.

My 20′s seem like so long ago now.

My age has really seemed to hit me hard this year. I turned 38 in August. I’ve been feeling the effects of that late thirties feeling. Wondering where the the time went. I know full well where it went. But life has a tendency of smacking you hard when you least expect it.  I realize now that there are certain parts of my life that are past. Not only am I done having children, which I was ok with, and am OK with. It’s more likely now that I am getting too old maternally. I can no longer decide that I’m going to go away to college.  My hands don’t look as young as they used to.  I’m by no means old. But yet, I feel these effects and it’s depressing. People say that this is such a better time in your life. On some level, I agree. You’re more comfortable with who you are. I make no apologies for who I am, but I will try to make myself a better person. If for no other reason than personal enrichment. Certain things don’t really matter to me anymore. I don’t get myself fired up about the same things that I used to. I get fired up about things now, that didn’t matter in my youth. Proper etiquette, grammar, being an honest decent human being.  It’s not that I didn’t care about that stuff before, but having kids has made them more important to me.  Making sure that I’m leading by example.  And I don’t pretend to be a good person, I truly want to be a good person.  

And then there’s a part of me that never really felt like an adult. I feel like I’m 12 years-old inside. I one day woke up and was an adult. My childhood is now much more of a hazy memory than it isn’t.  And I’m not alone in this.  We’re all working towards the inevitable end.

So here’s to creating something new. A better way to articulate my life. But this chapter, for as long as I’ve dragged it out, has to come to a close.  It feels liberating to finally let it go.

I’m still working on where I’ll be. But if you want to know, shoot me an email, and I can tell you where I’ll be. I’ll warn you, it’ll probably be much more sharp and frank. I just don’t have a timeframe. Because I’m stubborn.

P.S. I’m not looking for some dramatic grand exit. It’s not good bye. I’m just freeing myself from a site that feels so much more draining than it used to.

{ 8 comments }

Solonor October 21, 2013 at 1:03 pm

I feel ya. I keep thinking about jumping back into this, because it was so much fire and fun, but when everyone else has moved out of the neighborhood, it’s never going to be like it was.

robyn October 21, 2013 at 2:03 pm

40 wasn’t that hard. Facing 41 next month – that means I’m “in” my 40s, and not just “turning 40″. That’s not so easy. Totally understand what you’re saying, and I’ve never regretted walking away. Some days you just need to claim any extra “you” time for the actual-you vs. the online-you. The ones who were around for the right reasons will always stay in touch!

Jen October 21, 2013 at 3:08 pm

I have been following along with you FOREVER. So, yeah.. I would love to continue that, if you would have me! ;)

jenG October 21, 2013 at 6:25 pm

Anonymously, then less so, you have been part of my internet almost since the start. Imma have to follow you. ;)

I feel the change-iness. I’ve become a mommyblogger by virtue of having no time to blog about anything else…but boy, am I late to that particular party. And I find I have less fire in me to commit to the page when it could go somewhere else. I don’t know what will happen to my space when I get past the monthly letters to my kid. One bridge at a time…

Jill/jadedju October 21, 2013 at 6:56 pm

You KNOW I am with you on this. It’s time to quit when the site is not giving joy any more. The biggest thing is to find other things that allow you to feel heard. If that’s in person, all the better. xoxoxo

Billie October 21, 2013 at 7:54 pm

I’ve followed you for ages…you (wasn’t it Pizza Dreaming in those days??), Kathy, Joelle, Robin and Mikey…you guys are the cool kids that I always wanted to be friends with in school, but was just always on the fringes and never near cool enough. =) Hopefully I’ll be able to follow you to your next adventure…

Susannah October 24, 2013 at 10:53 am

I get it and I’m wrestling with the same thing. Keep me posted though.

Faith October 29, 2013 at 3:20 pm

Well, I’m just now reading this, a full week after you posted it, because I’m so great about keeping up with blogs these days. :P So I totally understand. I’m glad we’re friends elsewhere. Because it’s been awesome reading about all you’ve gone through over the last 10 years, and having you as a friend as a result of this whole blog thang.

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