I’ve never felt as if I’ve learned as much about myself as I have in the last few years. Or maybe it was that I was so bogged down with diapers and routines that I didn’t see anything else around me. Part discovery, part rediscovery. For the first time in my life, I feel so much more comfortable with myself than I ever have before.
Sometimes it’s one of those things that slaps me in the face. The realization comes abruptly. Other times it’s like opening my eyes and waking up slowly.
One of those things is what I like to call burning fast and bright. I get so into a subject that I go apeshit with it, and then blerrrrrrrrrrrrrgh. I want to sit on the sofa for months and zone out doing absolutely nothing. I may have developed an addiction du jour to the Candy game on the iPad. And those stupid e-cards about neglecting your children for a game may or may not be true. They were getting fed. Most of the time. OK, fine! My children were taken away by social services and I’m now in a 12-step recovery program and I never want to look at another piece of candy again. Are you happy now?
I’m just saying, it happens that way for me. A friend and I were texting back and forth about this subject. He said “that’s how smart people work. We get bored easily.” Well, shit, then. I must be fucking mensa.
I still love working on furniture, but the drive hasn’t been there. Part of that is lack of working space. Part of that is time. Another part of that is I really am not in love with this house. It’s a perfectly nice house. I hate the layout. And you get to a point where you wonder if putting the money into it is worth it. The Meester was never really on board with moving. After living in this house for six years, I know I don’t need as much space as we have. We have two extra bedrooms that rarely get used. A living room and a dining room that we never use, and a full finished basement that’s mostly empty. We’re not formal people. A formal living room is the biggest waste of space. Right now, it’s a play room, and a hardly used one at that.
For the past 8 months, we were in the process of adding on a kitchen. We can really only bump out with the way the first floor is laid out. This whole process has become a battle. We’re both so exhausted.
I think we may just be moving. And maybe then I’ll get my home project mojo back. Or maybe I’ll move onto something else. I kind of love working out. Or maybe I’ll take up Indian rain dancing. Or practicing putting my pants on right side out. I mean, the possibilities are endless. God, I love ADD.