It started kind of like this:
Well, wait, more like this: My anxiety has started to manifest itself in different ways. It’s definitely better. Overall, I feel less anxious about certain things. But, like anything, I don’t know if I can avoid it completely. So, there are times when I ruminate about things. But my ruminations are about big things that are beyond my control. For the most part, I can stop myself and put it out of my mind. I’m anxious about my parenting. I still feel very clouded, and less present than I would like to be. And that’s how it started:
The internet is ruining our lives, I thought. All of this mindless bullshit that just takes the focus off of what’s important. Information overload, and I can’t manage to pull my attention away from it. I wonder what it would be like to live without the internet for a year? I wonder if that’s been done?
Well, of course its been done. The internet being what it is, it seems that on a daily basis, we’re assulted with yet another viral video of something, but most people, giving up the internet, still don’t manage to write about it on a regular basis. So my search led me to Paul Miller. But as he’s nearing the halfway mark of his project, you’ve probably heard of him five months ago. But the thought of doing something along these lines left me giddy. And then you stop and think about the magnitude of something like this in the digital age. It’s nearly impossible. Technically, I don’t know if I can avoid it entirely, but I can probably limit it to the point of what’s basic necessity. Email, maybe downloading books on my kindle. As it stands now, I don’t really fire up my laptop unless the kids are forced into quiet time by watching something on TV. But that doesn’t mean that I’m not sneaking time on my iPad, or checking facebook on my phone. I recently decided to sell my iMac, because really, all I was using it for was a glorified internet portal.
All of this makes me realize how disjointed and clouded my mind is. I wonder how much withdrawal comes with something of this magnitude. I wonder if my family can survive a no internet challenge.
And just as I was finishing this up, the Mini snuck into our room. I felt his hand, but failed to even realize it was him.
Operation Internet Addicts – no-so-Anonymous is beginning.