Second Verse…sort of.

by statia on August 13, 2012

LG is sick again. We had a very brief hiatus of illness over the summer. By brief, I mean that she had very minor colds over the summer, but not eliminated completely. We’re barely into August and she gets another horrible chest cold. To which I say, “can’t we just fucking at least make it until September?” I mean seriously already.

My sister had a baby at the end of June. She was born prematurely, with some complications. She’s fine and that’s really all I’ll say on the situation since it’s not really my story to tell. But I can’t tell you how excited I am that I’m an aunt for the first time, even though my sister is still in Japan and it kills me that plane tickets are far too expensive for me to afford to go see her.

But as we talk on a near daily basis, her emotions running crazy due to the situation and also hormones, she told me how she was jealous that I had my babies healthy, and full term. Not an abnormal reaction and one that I get fully. Being that we’re both anxiety ridden, I told her that obviously no one has it easy, and my kids have had their issues.  The Mini with his developmental delay, LG constantly being sick. The allergies, the asthma. RSV, ear infections. You tend to feel as if you’re being dealt some sort of shitty hand, all while knowing that you have it so much better than others and how can you justify that?  She has become a mother and now she gets my crazy. Her anxiety has shifted to constantly worrying about her daughter and being torn between wanting to be a laid back parent, or wrapping her in bubble wrap. It’s her job now.

The Mini’s occupational therapist, who is one of the most brilliant people I know, asked me how things were going with LG. And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about her developmentally. I had her evaluated at 6 months, just for my own sanity. She was early or on target for just about everything. While she’s maintained her average status as a kid, there are…things that we’ve noticed. She can’t sit still (beyond the toddler norms). She doesn’t seem to care about discipline. She doesn’t listen. She sounds like a typical three-year-old. I know. All things aside, she is pretty typical. She loves unicorns and ponies. Rainbows and cats. Her favorite colors are pink and purple. And god forbid if you don’t know any of that.

And while I’ve felt OK with her, where development is concerned, more so than the Mini, at any given time, there’s still a nagging feeling about some things that she should be getting by now. And I owe it to her to do as much for her, as I have for him. As much as she needs. And so we’ve set up to have her evaluated for ADHD.

As I sat there tonight, holding her now giant three year-old body in my lap while giving her a nebulizer treatment, I was hit with this exact memory of her as a baby. Struggling to catch her breath while coughing uncontrollably, I thought about my sister’s words: “I just want to get past this part of my life so that we can start living a normal life.” I didn’t have the heart to tell her that with kids, it’s always something.  I’m still waiting to put off of this behind so that I can begin my own normal life.

{ 5 comments }

Shellky August 13, 2012 at 5:26 pm

I’m fairly sure that the moment you become a parent “normal” becomes obsolete. It’s just a distant memory of the way you imagined life would be but in reality, probably will never happen. Doesn’t mean it’s good or bad, just is.

Veronica August 13, 2012 at 6:39 pm

Oh yeah, it’s always something.

Congratulations to your sister and to you on being an Aunt! That’s very cool. I’m sorry about the prematurity and the issues, that part sucks. But, BABY!!

LG sounds a bit like Amy. We wonder if she has ADD on top of her PDD-NOS, or if it’s all just the same thing. Either way, knowing what you’re dealing with helps.

statia August 13, 2012 at 8:15 pm

Yeah, after going through PDD with the Mini, I definitely don’t think she’s on the spectrum. She’s way too needy, and doesn’t display typical spectrum symptoms. But, in hindsight, there have been some red flags that I didn’t so much ignore, but I figured it was an age thing. It took her unusually long to learn not to color on the walls. She’d color on my furniture repeatedly, even when I made her scrub it until she cried (Horrible mother, I am). I eventually instituted a crayon ban until she could show me that she was responsible enough not to color on anything but paper. She seriously cannot, to this day sit still for a whole story without making some sort of noise, or fidgeting.

A lot of times autism and ADD are pretty much hand in hand. Kissing cousins, as my friend says. The hubs was dx’d with Aspergers and ADHD not too long ago. Guess her having ADHD shouldn’t be surprising.

Also, BABY. Congrats on your new little peanut. She’s gorgeous.

Starle August 14, 2012 at 10:45 am

Yeah, they change but the problems will always be there. The hard part is not living in the past or future. Mine are 7 and nine and sometimes I think ‘this was all so much easier when they were babies’ or ‘I can’t wait until they are a few years older’ but that isn’t really true!

Tommie August 14, 2012 at 11:41 am

Ahh, that elusive ‘normal.’ I was one of those people who had two full-term pregnancies and my first daughter was a text-book baby. She did everything the books said she would do, when she was supposed to do them.

That second full-termer? Ended up in the NICU for eleven days and at two years old was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal disorder (5p- syndrome.)

And yet, I often feel like I can’t complain because I know how much better we have it than others. So, like everyone else, we just plod through our days, looking for ‘normal.’

I am happy for your sister and her new baby and how everything does smooth our for her and I agree with the above commenters about LG. It’s good to know what you’re facing, if you’re facing anything.

And YES to the crayon ban! We had to ban ink pens until O (the younger daughter) could figure out not to write all over herself. We’re just beginning to let her write on paper again. She’ll be six in November.

I do so hope that LG kicks those sickies soon. It just sucks to always be sick with something, poor girl.

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