Does it taste like a pork cookie, motherfucker?

by statia on November 29, 2011

When we last left off Supermom was all gung-ho about trying to be all patient and loving and getting this potty training business done.

How is that going, Statia?

Not well, kids.  Not well.

Ok, I suppose that I should look on the bright side.  She’s been accident free at night.  I am anti pull-up.  They’re expensive, and they just prolong the inevitable.  The only way I would consider it, is if it turned urine into actual ice cubes in their pants, and poop into pointy rocks.   Sadist much?  But I mean, come on.  Pull ups?  [insert cranky old person's voice here] When I was a kid, when we were learning to use the toilet, we were either beaten when we shit ourselves, or it dribbled down our leg and we liked it!

So no pull ups.   The Mini had accidents, I know this, but it was a year and a half ago, and shit blurs together.  But within three days, he was telling us he needed to go.  Bribes weren’t essential.  Sometimes he wanted them, sometimes he didn’t.  But he was telling us. Her?  You’d better have a mother-fucking treat for her, or else you can forget it.   No amount of giving her the control or taking it away is working.  Tell us if you have to go, and there’s chocolate in it for you.  Let’s go to the potty.  Do you have to go?  Yeah, none of it.  She’ll tell us sixty times in a row to try to finagle something from us, and then go run off and piss herself.

So that patience?  I had SO MUCH MORE PATIENCE with the Mini.  I was never a yeller.  He never got into trouble.  He wasn’t a trouble maker, so this helps, but he was just good.  I know in time it’ll click and it’ll be a distant memory.  I know she’s younger than the Mini was.   With him, due to his communication issues, we waited until he was three.  She’s six months younger than he was.  Big difference.  The other big difference is that she’s stubborn and lives to push every single button.   I find that Louie CK, pretty much sums kids up to a tee:

Everything he’s ever said about kids is true. He just has the balls to say it. I walk around pretty much thinking everything he says, and even in his voice.

{ 6 comments }

Veronica November 30, 2011 at 4:23 am

She sounds like Amy. I gave up and tried six months later with her. Eventually she decided that she hated the feel of nappies and wet pants more than she loved the control she had.

Hang in there.

river November 30, 2011 at 5:40 am

i second what Veronica said. Give up and try again when she’s closer to three, or even past her third birthday. Put her back in nappies and tell her there’ll be no more treats whatsoever.
You might try changing that nappy so often that she gets sick of it….then you can tell her all she has to do is wee in the toilet and you’ll both be happy.

Amy November 30, 2011 at 8:33 am

What they said. :-) Kids will let you know when they’re ready. I’ve found it’s pointless to try to force the issue any sooner.

jesser November 30, 2011 at 10:07 am

To hell with waiting until they’re ready. I want to force the issue because I’m sick of buying diapers and wiping the butt of a kid who hates having his butt wiped (and creates a charming moving target for me). My grandma fondly remembers the days when she had each kid trained by age 2 and I’ve had a few friends who’ve done it too. I know it isn’t impossible and probably not detrimental. Of course none of this is making me get off my lazy ass and put up with accidents for a week or more to achieve this goal, you’ll notice. It’s going to be a REAL FUN winter break.

Shelly November 30, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I love Louis CK!

Kids, on the other hand? Not so much. At least not all the time.

Tommie December 2, 2011 at 2:43 pm

I feel your pain. I try to be patient with my five year old (yes, FIVE!) because given what little is known of her syndrome (5p- aka Cri du Chat) and what i’ve learned via Facebook from other parents, we’re doing really at having her almost completely trained at five years old. But damn, I’m so freaking tired of cleaning up poop.

And as for pull ups, we do still use them at night because NEITHER of my children (they are five and NINE) can go through the night consistenly without peeing all over themselves, the bed, the blankets, etc. It’s gross and messy and I already wash the sheets twice a week I don’t want to move on to washing them daily. But we’re out of the pull ups during the day, so that’s something, right?

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