Not the post I wanted to follow the last one up with, but it has to be said.

by statia on August 11, 2011

So, a lot of you come here for poop talk, right?   I mean, I’ve never been one to disappoint you when it comes to discussing bodily functions.   Oddly, I wasn’t raised in a house where we readily and frequently discussed poop.  I don’t think my mother ever farted, and my father, was the type to let them rip in the comfort of his own home. But it wasn’t something that was brought attention to.

I suppose growing up around a lot of boy cousins had a lot to do with it.   But anyway…

I have this issue with my colon.   It hates me.   I don’t know how to describe it, except to call it, maybe, the shopping effect.  It started out with just Hallmark.  I’m not sure why, but Hallmark has always been my poop button.  Maybe it’s the smells, causing my colon to march forth with needing that exact moment to expel waste, but it’s annoying, because who goes to Hallmark to browse?  I’m usually there on an important card buying mission.

Lately, though, it’s been extended to Target.  It never fails.  No matter how empty I am, if I go to Target (specifically by myself, which is a rarity), I will inevitably have to go so badly, that I either have to leave (what, like you don’t have going home issues?), or will have to walk like I have a giant stick up my ass, which isn’t enjoyable.   And now it’s starting to happen at more stores.  Toys R Us, Costco, the ENTIRE MALL.   I can’t have a pleasant shopping experience anymore.

I’ve discussed this issue with various friends, and most of them have a “poop store.”    And I have to wonder if everyone has a poop store.    Discuss.

{ 12 comments }

Kathy August 11, 2011 at 12:53 pm

Mine is Target. Every time I go in there I have to go so bad that I can’t make it home. Gross, I know this and lucky for your readers, no one shops at my Target. Specifically the natural body products aisle sets me off.

Faith August 11, 2011 at 1:37 pm

I don’t think I have a specific place that it hits me. But I’m a walking IBS bomb, so that doesn’t help any.

Fortunately, unless I’m at work or at home, I’m generally able to control what comes out of me at any given bathroom stop.

Years ago, I used to have a problem in book stores. Classic and unoriginal of me, really. But every time I was in Barnes & Noble, I suddenly felt the urge to have a pressing meeting with Mr. Brown. That hasn’t been the case, as of late. But when I lived in LA? Yep…every time I went to the B&N, I had to go. Weirdness…

statia August 11, 2011 at 5:52 pm

I wonder if it’s the smell of books that does it for your colon. Like me with the smell of cards and potpourri

Ms. Pants August 11, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Hallmark does it to me too. And often, Home Depot.

Pam August 11, 2011 at 2:04 pm

No poop store, but it seems that I always have to go when my daughter finally calls home from 3,000 miles away.

My son always had to go right after he started drying the dishes. (That one may have been a ploy though)

Kristin August 11, 2011 at 2:34 pm

Target but only one specific Target, not the one near where I live but the one closer to where I used to work. Always in the seasonal section which is the furthest point in the store from the restrooms.

Betsy August 11, 2011 at 5:33 pm

Target is totally my poop store. It started on a vacation where I think I ate my weight in various meats. Started with hot dogs on the beach, then sausage, ribs, an all-you-can-eat Brazilian restaurant, In-and-Out Burger and filet mignon wrapped in bacon.

I swear I was totally unable to poop until I walked into Target. Now? It’s like someone flips a switch as soon as I walk through those big red doors.

statia August 11, 2011 at 5:53 pm

I’m totally guessing that this is a conspiracy from Target, then. They want you to totally run through the aisles, throwing everything in your cart so that you’ll hurry to get the hell out of there.

Britta August 11, 2011 at 8:49 pm

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha….

Shelly August 11, 2011 at 6:54 pm

Damn, I can’t believe I’m missing out on this. I don’t have a poop store. What’s wrong with me??!!???

Britta August 11, 2011 at 8:50 pm

Shelly, I don´t have a poop store either. But if I eat Taco Bell (which luckily I rarely do) I better be on my way home. Does that count?

jen August 16, 2011 at 6:52 pm

For me it is the dreaded Wal-Mart. But that is only because I live in the middle of friggin’ nowhere and there is not a Target within 50 miles of here. When I lived in FL, it was totally Target.

Happened to me today while I was in there buying paint. I had to leave the paint area and bolt to the crapper. Then I had to go back and get my paint.

I hate my colon.

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