Embracing my inner senior citizen (also, waving the white flag).

by statia on March 30, 2011

About a month or so ago, I hit rock bottom.   I had stopped taking crazy meds.   Long story short, it didn’t work.  I found a new doctor, and I’m hoping that this time I’m on the right path.  Or at least a better one.

With all of the damn vitamins I’m taking, along with my new cocktail of medication, I had to invest in…a pill organizer.   I figure, I’m getting a jump start on my senior years.  I went for the easy open model, approved by the National Arthritis Association.  I figure, this will help hold its resale value, and when I need to increase my vitamin intake and add in my cholesterol and high blood pressure medication (just forecasting, based on my daily butter intake), I can upgrade to a bigger model.  My brain might explode over the extreme organization of it all.

Which segues nicely into my next story.

I was talking to my mother today.  She told me my father bought a Keurig, and he was all excited because he got it for a good price with his senior citizens discount.

Mom: What I want to know is how he got his senior citizens discount.  Does Target give them every day?  I thought senior citizens discounts were only given on Tuesdays?

Me: How the hell am I supposed to know?   I know I’m in there often, but…

Mom: Well, next time you’re in there, just ask.

Me: What the hell?  Like I’m going to just go up and ask?  I mean, really, do you think they’re not going to give me the up and down, and wonder if I’m going to try to play the old lady card?  You go and ask.

Mom: I just wanted to know.

And here’s another segue:

I was talking to the bff this afternoon:

Me: So in other news, I automatically aged 20 years this morning, when I bought myself a pill organizer.

Her: Uh…

Me: I know, seriously dude.  And I’m quite proud of it too.

And then somehow, we got into a conversation about a friend of mine who had been in the hospital, insert vague details here:

Me: Yeah, and she was sort of unconscious.

Her: What the hell is sort of unconscious?  You’re either unconscious, or your not.

Me: Well, I don’t know what the criteria is for being in a coma. Lightly comatose, severely comatose.

Her: Like sort of dead?

Me: That totally exists!

Her: Isn’t that an oxymoron?  You’re either dead or you’re not. There’s no in between.

Me: What about those people that die on the table for a couple of minutes and then come back? That’s sort of dead, but not totally.

Her: Yeah, I’m not buying it.

Me: I’m asking the internet.

It’s been a banner day here.  Now if you’ll excuse me, my back is killing me.

But really, dead, or sort of dead?  What’s your feelings on this?


Solonor March 30, 2011 at 10:32 pm

Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. There’s a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there’s usually only one thing you can do…Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Veronica March 31, 2011 at 2:57 am

If you turn into a ghost, are you sort of dead?

I’m confused.

Yo-yo Mama March 31, 2011 at 8:22 am

I use to think there was no such thing as “kinda” pregnant. Apparently, there is.

However, I like how your friend thinks. I would have done the same in that conversation with you just because I know it’d fuck with your brain.

stacey@Havoc&Mayhem March 31, 2011 at 9:50 am

My BIL had emergency open heart surgery about a month ago & his heart stopped twice while on the table & they had to restart it. So technically he was dead & they brought him back. He refers to it as being ‘briefly mostly dead’. Apparently your brain has to stop as well for you to be totally dead. At least in his opinion, which I admit, does carry some weight now IMO.

Wendy March 31, 2011 at 10:42 am

Girl. Embrace the organizer. And, don’t forget to take advantage of the Early Bird Special at Denny’s.

Also, I automatically love Solonor for the Princess Bride reference. hahaha!

Wombat Central March 31, 2011 at 2:00 pm

I sometimes forget if I’ve taken my reflux meds (does that not scream old fart?), so I have to count them each time I take one. I do own a pill organizer, but I just can’t bring myself to use it on a daily basis. *hangs head in shame*

Regina March 31, 2011 at 6:46 pm

I’m glad I wasn’t the only person who went there in their heads with the mostly dead thing, Sol. Should have known you’d do it, too.

Kelley @ Magnetoboldtoo April 1, 2011 at 1:58 am

Totally believe it.

Like when I am sort of pregnant and it means that I can eat what ever shit I want and MPS can’t say a damn thing about it.

Or maybe he is too afraid to. Whatever. Potato chips and chocolate together are mighty damn fine.

jen April 1, 2011 at 8:14 am

Ok, first of all, when I read “Keurig”, my brain read it as “Touareg”, and so I thought, “How in the HELL does one get a Senior discount on a vehicle..??”

As for the dead thing? I try not to think about that sort of thing. LOL!

Shelly April 1, 2011 at 8:36 am

Not only have I had my own 7-day pill dispenser for years, we do so many pet meds that my damn dogs have their own pill dispenser. RIDICULOUS! But it’s easier and helps me not be lazy about giving meds.

Also, just b/c I am OLD, I’m bordering on needing bifocals for fuck’s sake.

Send Geritol. With vodka preferrably.

T April 2, 2011 at 1:04 pm

Since I keep forgetting if I’ve taken my pills, I *need* to get a pill organizer. Add that to the list of my high fiber, low fat grocery items.

I think if someone comes back, the whole semi-dead, kinda-dead, partially-dead, sort-of alive dilemma no longer counts. Not saying they didn’t have an experience or a wild trip, but if they are back, they are no longer dead. For those in a comma, dude, who knows.

Old School/New School Mom April 7, 2011 at 3:18 pm

I love that you got a pill organizer! You are so awesome. I hope you’re feeling better, I know how it is to go on and off meds. NOT fun.

The BFF conversation is just downright hilarious! There really is not “sort of” unconsious. But I can imagine having an identical conversation my my best friend.

Kate April 17, 2011 at 8:32 pm

I look sort of dead every weekday morning. Feel free to ask the other preschool moms. They’ll confirm. (They’re a nice lot. Kind, too.)

Snorted out a bite of a perfectly good piece of pizza at the part about asking about the discount. I double-dog-dare you to do it with a straight face. I mean, SOMEONE has to.

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