I was shoving LG into her car seat. She’s always the first to get in, and while I’m trying to get her strapped in, the Mini takes this time to run around the yard for his daily marathon. I was on the phone with my sister at the same time, which is nothing short of a miracle. Our moms think they had it rough? You try cramming a squirming toddler into a five point harness while cradling something the size of a credit card on your shoulder and try and have an intelligent conversation at the same time.
As I was completing this highly technical task, the Mini completely ate face on the driveway. The poor kid, he’s slightly pigeon toed, and while it looks adorable on him, he’s ALWAYS falling. Even at three and a half. The worst part of this, is that he is such a sensitive kid. A fall is the end of the world, and usually ruins the whole day for him. I quickly hang up with my sister, and tend to the skinned palms and try to soothe a hysterical Mini.
I got him in his seat, still wailing. Skinning your palms really blows, so I felt bad for him, but the crying was turning into a marathon, and once it was clear that he wasn’t going to stop anytime soon, I called my sister back. A good five minutes later, he was still in hysterics, no matter how much I tried to console him. Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a package of crackers. Score! Crackers can save the day!
Me: Buddy, will a cracker make you feel better?
Mini: *hiccoughs* Y-yeeeeeeeeeeessss.
I handed both of them a cracker, and instantly, it was quiet.
My sister, who overheard the whole thing, was impressed. ”Damn, remember when a cracker would cheer you up like that?”
Me: I know, right? Kids are so simple when it comes to things like that One time, the Mini came upstairs, crying, and out of the blue said, “I NEED CHOCOLATE MILK TO FEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEL BETTER.”
Her: Yeah, now it’s like, (her husband) Oh, sweetie, would a Coach purse make you feel better, and I’d be all Waaaaaaaahhhh y-y-yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeessssssssssssssssssssssssss. Although, damn, a cracker probably would make me feel better.
Me: Don’t tell them that, hold out for the Marc Jacobs. GOD.