I love you, stinky face.

by statia on September 14, 2010

When I was a kid, my mother would occasionally say to me, “I will always love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.”  And I would be like, “Dude, that is kind of fucked up.”  OK, I didn’t say that to my mother, at least not back then.  It was more like, “Moooooooooooooom, that is so wrong.”   In  my mind (and I of course knew everything), I couldn’t separate the two.  I mean, how can you have love without like?

And then I had kids.

And now?  I SO get it.

I never realized how easy the Mini was until he became, well, not easy.   He has become mouthy, defiant, rebellious… in other words,  three.   I know I know.  I’ve gone on and on and on about this at length, it seems.   They say it will pass, but I feel as if it’s only getting worse, and maybe that’s the way it goes.  Maybe it has to get worse, before it gets better, but at some point during the day, I think to myself, “how in the WORLD can this get any worse?” It’s a way to get attention.  I get it.  It’s a way to show his frustration when he’s having a hard time communicating.

And I’m not relegating this whole “like vs. love” thing to him, either.   She’s not the golden child.   She exhibits herself as more affectionate. She’s my hugger.  My cuddler.  Which makes her seem as if she can do no wrong in my eyes.  But she is willful, headstrong, and also, defiant.   To her, the word no, is a game.  To her the word stop, means giggle intensely while you run in another direction, preferably into the face of danger.

My life, it’s typical.   Nothing more, nothing less.   Typical motherhood.

There are days where I don’t like my kids very much.   I would never say that to them.   It’s way harsh.   But I always love them.   I hope when I’m frustrated and at the end of my rope, they realize that.


Beth Fish September 14, 2010 at 10:03 pm

I tell my kids “I will always love you, no matter what.” Different words, but the meaning is the same, and they know it.

Shelly September 15, 2010 at 7:23 am

I have said “I love you but I do not like how you’re acting right now” and that’s about as close as I’ve gotten. I always tell her I will love her no matter what and she tells me she loves me even when I’m mean, so I guess she gets it.

Reagan September 15, 2010 at 8:26 am

You are never going to believe this, but my mother used to say the SAME EXACT THING to me! Word for word. I didn’t get it then either, but i do now. However, I agree with you and would never say that to D. He just wouldn’t get it and it is very harsh. And if it makes you feel better, D has done the same things: giggle and run into danger when told stop or no, yet cuddle and love me. Then the next day when told no, kick the chair or hit the wall and become completely obstinate, even when the “no” is only in reference to something small and silly (at least to me). He just needs a way to show his frustration and right now, that’s how it comes out. It is really hard, somedays confusing and I am thankful, at the moment, that I only have ONE to deal with right now ;)

Kate September 15, 2010 at 9:30 am

Amen to that, sister. And if I may be so bold as to extend the lesson: I might love my daughter over all else in the world (excepting chocolate) (oh, and maybe Diet Coke), but this does not mean I cannot become roaringly angry with her. Of course, this fury always spurs the question, “I know you are angry, Mommy, but you still love me, right?” which then makes me want to drive to the nearest bridge and hop off, after which I will drown in the River of All Bad Mothers Who Then Go to Hell.

I usually don’t do that, though. I usually just have chocolate.

melissa madden September 15, 2010 at 12:02 pm

I love the freshness of your blog! As my mom still says to me, pick your battles, and don’t be afraid to take a mommy time out! Your descriptions sound oh so similar to me and my two little ones. Thanks for the candor!

statia September 15, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Aww. Thanks so much for the compliment. :o )

My mom totally tells me to pick my battles. She never told me there would be so many.

Old School/New School Mom September 16, 2010 at 1:42 pm

In Jewish mother speak: Oy gavolt! I understand. Sometimes I can’t WAIT for Ari to go to sleep. Especially when he’s being defiant and crazy. But I do love him. When he’s being insane I find myself grinding my teeth so hard.

Fawn September 27, 2010 at 11:04 am

When I tell my 5 yr old son no he says “You hate me” or “Why do you hate me?” and depending on his mood it could be a calm quiet question or he could be yelling it at me. I tried saying I don’t like it when you say that and well let’s face it that’s kind of why he says it. Not too long ago I was just at the end of my rope with him and when he said it I said “that’s right I hate you,that’s why I spend 8 hours a night eating a mile of shit from the people at work” (I’m a single mom and have had to explain countless times why I have to work) when I said that he just looked at me for a minute and started laughing because he knows it’s the farthest thing from the truth.

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