When I was a kid, my mother would occasionally say to me, “I will always love you, but I don’t like you very much right now.” And I would be like, “Dude, that is kind of fucked up.” OK, I didn’t say that to my mother, at least not back then. It was more like, “Moooooooooooooom, that is so wrong.” In my mind (and I of course knew everything), I couldn’t separate the two. I mean, how can you have love without like?
And then I had kids.
And now? I SO get it.
I never realized how easy the Mini was until he became, well, not easy. He has become mouthy, defiant, rebellious… in other words, three. I know I know. I’ve gone on and on and on about this at length, it seems. They say it will pass, but I feel as if it’s only getting worse, and maybe that’s the way it goes. Maybe it has to get worse, before it gets better, but at some point during the day, I think to myself, “how in the WORLD can this get any worse?” It’s a way to get attention. I get it. It’s a way to show his frustration when he’s having a hard time communicating.
And I’m not relegating this whole “like vs. love” thing to him, either. She’s not the golden child. She exhibits herself as more affectionate. She’s my hugger. My cuddler. Which makes her seem as if she can do no wrong in my eyes. But she is willful, headstrong, and also, defiant. To her, the word no, is a game. To her the word stop, means giggle intensely while you run in another direction, preferably into the face of danger.
My life, it’s typical. Nothing more, nothing less. Typical motherhood.
There are days where I don’t like my kids very much. I would never say that to them. It’s way harsh. But I always love them. I hope when I’m frustrated and at the end of my rope, they realize that.