You can lead a horse to water…or in this case, a toddler to the potty…

by statia on March 13, 2010

I know, I know.  There are rules now about blogging over the weekends, because apparently people never read blogs on weekends and therefore, you will probably not get many comments, because people have lives.   Which, really? Come on.  I think that’s just crap.  I mean, I read blogs on weekends.

Oh.  Crap.

But you know what?  DAMN THE MAN!  I was never a conformist.  I am a rebel. And I’m going to blog, dammit.

Anyway.  Remember how I was talking about potty training the Mini and how I scared I was to even entertain the idea?  I was more into the whole boot camp thing, but given his personality, there had to be “a plan.”  A friend of mine tipped me off to this whole Three Day Potty Training method and thought, “eh what the hell?”  I mean, what have I got to lose, besides three days of my life?

I read the book, did the research, listened to ridicule over the whole thing and decided that this would be the weekend.

Oh.holy.motherfucking.hell.   Seriously.

The “method” requires that you be joined to your child at the hip for the entire three days, reminding them repeatedly to let you know when they have to go to the bathroom (making them think they’re in control).  Do you know how hard this is when you have an extremely independent child? He is all sorts of annoyed and confused, because “god damn woman, just leave me alone to play with my cars, GOD!”   I picked a good weekend for it.  It’s extremely shitty out, we had no plans, and currently, everyone is as about as well as we’ve all been in a month.  Also?  daylight savings, which means we lose an hour this weekend, and boy, if there were ever a weekend to have one less hour, this would be it.

So this morning, we got him out of bed, bid goodbye to the diapers, and made him put on underwear, and proceeded to follow him around like a lost puppy dog, consistently, but lovingly reminding him to tell us when he has to go potty.  To the point where I never want to hear the phrase again, because the thought of hearing it, makes me want to blow my brains out.

This method also requires you to go completely cold turkey, which means, no diapers or pull ups for night time, either.  The Mini generally wakes up dry, if we go and get him right away, but to circumvent any accidents, I decided to put all three sets of sheets on his bed, with a layer of wee wee pads in between each set.  That way, if there is an accident in the middle of the night, I can just rip a set off and be good to go.   Having to purchase wee wee pads for my kid makes me wonder if I’m training a child, or a cocker spaniel.

Being that it’s the first day, of course there were accidents.  But there weren’t as many as I thought there would be, and there was ONE time, where he actually ran to me and let me know that he had to go.  He had gone a little in his underwear, but he let me know, which is a HUGE HUGE milestone.   And we made a giant deal about it, and let him pick out a prize and he was very proud, and all that jazz.   Of course, he peed in his underwear later on in the evening, but I’ll take any forward movement (HA!) I can get.

The baby is less than impressed with this whole potty training nonsense, as it takes away all the attention from her.  She’s been up in everyone’s grill, and you can practically hear her saying “LOOK AT ME, REMEMBER?  Watch how I make this super cute expression, so that you can laugh at it.  Hey wait! Where are you going?”

This has been the longest Saturday of my life, and I so earned that beer that I chugged through a funnel.


Ssfb March 13, 2010 at 11:21 pm

I totally ready blogs on the weekend. Ahem, daily. You know I don’t have kids so fare thee well with the potty, no advice whatsoever… My mothers two cents on it was “I don’t understand what the big rush is, I wish I had let you go longer because as soon as you take them out of diapers then you’re rushing around public locations like a mad-woman when they give you 0.2 seconds notice that they need to pee NOW before they have an accident at the store.”

Yo-yo Mama March 13, 2010 at 11:27 pm

You are not going to believe this, but JUST this morning I was telling Sparring Partner about how Aitch was “All up in my grill!” and he asked me where the hell I had heard that. I thought, duh, man, everyone says it…or do they??

And then you post this! That’s some crazy shit, right there. Pun intended.

Veronica March 14, 2010 at 2:38 am

Geez, I think you’ve earned anything you want!

Jayme March 14, 2010 at 2:43 am

Wait what? No one gave me the no blogging on weekends memo!

btss March 14, 2010 at 4:02 am

I read (and post) on the weekends. Why not?

I definitely do not envy your position, but it certainly made me smile and chuckle. :)

Here’s to hoping things get better!

ewe_are_here March 14, 2010 at 6:12 am

Sounds like it’s going well! You have to expect a few accidents over the first couple of days, it just is what it is. We finished training BooBaaa a couple of months ago, and the first couple of days were a little messy .. but then, poof, all done on day 3. it will happen.

I hear you on the waterproof sheets in between regular sheets. I also do the boys’ beds up this way in case of sickness… makes it easy to pull off a layer in the middle of the night during such times.

Mamma Pants March 14, 2010 at 7:16 am

Obviously I, too, read blogs on the weekend. I think lots of people do. And I remember potty training – we used M&M’s as bribes. It worked with both my kids who are now totally potty trained.

Beth March 14, 2010 at 10:09 am

I read and post on the weekends. Hell it’s some of the only time I have to get caught up!

jesser March 14, 2010 at 11:20 pm

Wondering how it’s going now …. I hope well. It is not fun, but it is soooo nice when the job’s done. Especially since #2 is taking a #2 every 2 minutes (or so). I have literally changed 7 poopy diapers today … all smelly as hell, all approximately the size of a small pickle (too much info?).

Siera March 14, 2010 at 11:51 pm

I read blogs on the weekend. I’m reading your blog on a Sunday night. For shame! And don’t tell anyone but I blog on the weekends too.

Good Luck with the potty training I have a feeling a will be hitting that road in the near future.

Shanna March 15, 2010 at 8:43 am

The blog thing, I don’t get the new “rules”, you will still get comments come Monday morning when everyone gets back to work and has nothing better to do then read blogs. Plus, I like when people blog over the weekend, then I have plenty to read come Monday morning when I get to my boring ass job with nothing else to do. I hate when I get through all my blog reads in less then an hour. So keep up the good work.
I will be putting Marjorie on a bus to your house shortly for potty training boot camp. ;)

Lasha March 16, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Impressive! We’ve just been waiting (and waiting and waiting) for Will to decide it was time, and she FINALLY did. Before that, she just refused, so I’m not sure the boot camp would have worked. Of course, she has zero interest in the poop side of things, and she always wakes up wet, so she’s what? A third of the way trained? I just keep thinking that every kid does get trained, eventually.

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