I like to think that dreams can sometimes have more of a meaning than just your brain dumping out all of your subconscious into weird scenarios.
When my grandmother died, I was filled with so many mixed emotions, based on our relationship, and her dying was something I never gave much thought about, until it actually happened, and it just knocked the wind out of me. It just bugged me on so many levels. And even now, I’ve still had a hard time believing it. I never had that chance to say goodbye (and really, I wonder if I would have if she were still alive, or if I’m just upset because I no longer have the chance). There are days where I’ll realize that she’s gone for good, and that she’s no longer a breathing, living entity anymore. I often wonder if she’s a spirit somewhere. If she’s at peace. Not long after she died, I had a dream about her. It was slightly disturbing, and maybe a week later, my mother swears she saw her and felt her sit down on the bed. My mother, having her own estrangement from her, I wonder if it’s just our subconscious largely at work, trying to make some sort of peace with the fact that there was never a reconciliation. I have two emotions. I ache knowing that she never met her only great grandkids. And the other emotion is that no matter what I would have done. If I would have gone to see her, she would have said something derogatory, just because that was her nature. She had no internal filter.
Last night, I saw her again. We were sitting on the sofa in my parents family room. She looked very much as I remember her when I was growing up. She was healthy looking, and happy. I asked her how she was, and if she was always here, and she told me that she’s always watching over us. I find this kind of apropos and a bit humorous, given the fact that her ashes are on the mantle. And even though, after everything she’s said to me, I do still miss her. I feel as if she reached out to me. And I felt at peace for a moment. Maybe she’s finally at peace now and no longer trapped in a world that she felt wronged her.
Do you believe that the human spirit has the ability to communicate with you through your dreams? Or do you think that your subconscious is just doing a routine data dump?