Someone to watch over me.

by statia on March 23, 2010

I like to think that dreams can sometimes have more of a meaning than just your brain dumping out all of your subconscious into weird scenarios.

When my grandmother died, I was filled with so many mixed emotions, based on our relationship, and her dying was something I never gave much thought about, until it actually happened, and it just knocked the wind out of me.  It just bugged me on so many levels.  And even now, I’ve still had a hard time believing it.  I never had that chance to say goodbye (and really, I wonder if I would have if she were still alive, or if I’m just upset because I no longer have the chance).  There are days where I’ll realize that she’s gone for good, and that she’s no longer a breathing, living entity anymore.   I often wonder if she’s a spirit somewhere.  If she’s at peace.    Not long after she died, I had a dream about her.  It was slightly disturbing, and maybe a week later, my mother swears she saw her and felt her sit down on the bed.   My mother, having her own estrangement from her, I wonder if it’s just our subconscious largely at work, trying to make some sort of peace with the fact that there was never a reconciliation.     I have two emotions.  I ache knowing that she never met her only great grandkids.    And the other emotion is that no matter what I would have done.  If I would have gone to see her, she would have said something derogatory, just because that was her nature.   She had no internal filter.

Last night, I saw her again.   We were sitting on the sofa in my parents family room.  She looked very much as I remember her when I was growing up.  She was healthy looking, and happy.   I asked her how she was, and if she was always here, and she told me that she’s always watching over us.   I find this kind of apropos and a bit humorous, given the fact that her ashes are on the mantle.  And even though, after everything she’s said to me, I do still miss her.  I feel as if she reached out to me.  And I felt at peace for a moment.   Maybe she’s finally at peace now and no longer trapped in a world that she felt wronged her.

Do you believe that the human spirit has the ability to communicate with you through your dreams?  Or do you think that your subconscious is just doing a routine data dump?

{ 9 comments }

PaintingChef March 23, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Absolutely. I dream about my grandmother all the time. It’s why I bake every weekend now. It’s like a little bit of time I carve out for me and her. Time that we used to spend on the phone or visiting in her kitchen. And I feel her around me when I’m baking. She’s there. I know she is. And using her tools, turning the pages of her cookbooks, all these things bring her close to me.

Aunt Becky March 23, 2010 at 6:43 pm

I do believe that. Yes, absolutely.

Veronica March 24, 2010 at 5:32 am

I do believe it. Definitely.

jenG March 24, 2010 at 8:37 am

Does it have to be one or the other? Because generally, I have to say that the connections we have transcend regular communication. I’ve sensed too many deaths and accidents from too far away to not believe that (for me, though, there’s usually nothing *after* someone dies…just before and during).

But I do think that the human subconscious is extremely powerful and an utter mystery. I think our dreams *can* cobble together messages based on our memories and subconscious needs, because we need to reconcile within ourselves what someone meant to us, and what our lives are without them around. It’s a little more elegant than a brain dump…maybe the brain working to solve a problem.

Whether it’s an electrical impulse or a benevolent haunting, I think it’s valid. You felt at peace, if only for a moment, and that’s the important bit.

Faith March 24, 2010 at 8:56 am

I think you know my answer to this question! :D

I think that we realize a lot about ourselves once we’re in spirit form, too. Like her offenses she caused while alive – she probably really regrets them now that she’s passed, and her way of making up for it is to watch over y’all now and make sure you feel as loved as possible.

donna March 24, 2010 at 10:21 am

I don’t know. I had a very dear friend who drifted from me in college (no fight or drama, she just went her own way) who passed away when we were 26. I hadn’t seen her in years and it was so upsetting to me that I never got a chance to tell her how much I loved her and how sad I was that we drifted apart. I dream about her often and although the details of the dreams are always a bit different, she is always recovering from her cancer and is eager to tell me how well she’s doing. I have no idea if that’s her or if it’s my brain trying to make me feel better.

diamond dave March 24, 2010 at 4:45 pm

I’m of the same mind as JenG. I believe the answer is a little bit of both. Our subconscious tries to reconcile in our heads our grief and longing for loved ones that have departed, and yet I believe sometimes the veil that separates this life from the next can be very thin in places, and we can feel the spirit of those we are close to on the other side.

Old School/New School Mom March 25, 2010 at 7:00 pm

I absolutely believe that we see spirits in our dreams. It’s really comforting to know that your grandmother is watching over you.

Mina March 29, 2010 at 7:41 am

I dreamt that my uncle was watching over his sons about a year after he passed away. They had come for a visit and he was there with them, but they didn’t notice. They were only 2 when he passed away. If there is such a thing as spirits, hes definitely around. He always said he wanted to be around to at least see them married.

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