Particular (or maybe discriminating): a photo essay.

by statia on February 4, 2010

I have issues with my toothbrushes. Well, I suppose it could be said that I have issues with many things, or just issues. But toothbrushes are my current beef right now. For years, I found one toothbrush that I loved, it was the Mentadent toothbrush. Then one day, I couldn’t find it anymore. Probably not really even thinking to look online. I found another toothbrush that I loved and stuck with it, until I could no longer find that one, because gone are the days of just your basic rectangular boxy toothbrush. Now it cleans hard to reach areas, vibrates, pulsates, spins, and comes with a tongue cleaner, all in one. All I want is a fucking toothbrush that I’m comfortable with. I found yet another one that I’ve been using, now for the better part of maybe two or three years, and of course, I head over to Target and they stopped carrying it. I looked in every drugstore, online, and nothing. So I relented and bought a few toothbrushes to try out:

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“This one is too hard!” Seriously.  I saw stars right before I passed out from the pain of my gums being ripped off.

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“This one is too soft.”  Ok.  I like a firm(er) toothbrush (nothing like the “gum rapist” thank you).  Is it me, or are firm toothbrushes harder to find?  Have they been banned by 3 out of 5 dentists?  I really would  like my toothbrush to not need Cialis, thanks.

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And then there’s this.  Why the hell are we putting rubbery bits in toothbrushes?  This is just so wrong on so many levels.  I can’t even get past the idea of having squeaky rubbery parts in my mouth.  It gives me the heebs.

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This one is juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust right. On a whim, looking for floss in my local wholesale warehouse, I found the motherload!  My old toothbrush.   It was like winning the toothbrush lottery.

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Cleans and whitens. Available in four attractive colors.  I now have enough toothbrushes to last me for two years.  The end.

I just wasted 10 minutes of your life that you will never get back by subjecting you to my toothbrush woes.

{ 9 comments }

Veronica February 4, 2010 at 7:06 pm

“Now it cleans hard to reach areas, vibrates, pulsates, spins, and comes with a tongue cleaner.” It sounds like something that should be in your bedside drawers, not in the bathroom.

I use whatever toothbrushes are cheap when I shop. Which is good, because inevitably my daughter steals them for stuff. I don’t know what kind of stuff and somehow, I don’t think I want to.

Shelly February 4, 2010 at 8:03 pm

One thing I cannot understand is when did it become acceptable for toothbrushes to cost so freaking much?

Ssfb February 4, 2010 at 8:30 pm

In all honesty the ones you selected there goldilocks are the only ones my husband would use prior to the purchase of his new fancy tooth vibrator. No joke I’d buy toothbrushes, come home and he’d say ‘but these ones don’t have the ciiiiiiiircles, they have to be the circle ones’. His mother got him some fancy rechargeable toothbrush now which is acceptable to his teeth but fricken expensive….very high maintainance that one….

Mamma Pants February 5, 2010 at 8:36 am

So this week on “Hoarders” one of the afflicted people (and I’m being kind here) (they’re really bat shit crazy) had a thing for toothbrushes. He had HUNDREDS of them — all the same kind. Many were used – very very used. Many were new. The used ones proved how bat shit he was. This show will make you clean out your stuff.

Old School/New School Mom February 5, 2010 at 11:46 am

Toothbrushes constantly make my gums bleed. CONSTANTLY! It doesn’t matter what I do! I use an electric one now. Also, Listerine is amazing! And what else? Hmmm…flossing appears to have the same effect, bleeding all the time!

Susanne February 5, 2010 at 6:28 pm

I, too, spend waaay too much time in that aisle of the store. My god how many permutations of the toothbrush can there be?! Soft, medium, hard bristles, compact head, large head, etc. Still, never the combination I really want. But my big issue with them is that I used to prop the toothbrush on the edge of the sink while I squeeze the toothpaste onto it, but anymore the handles are rounded ust enough, so the toothbrush rolls on its side, dumping my toothpaste into the basin as I put the paste on it. OK, now I’ve got THAT off my chest….

Aunt Becky February 5, 2010 at 8:26 pm

I sat there nodding, the entire time.

Yo-yo Mama February 6, 2010 at 11:50 pm

I just use the one my dentist gives me every six months when I get my teeth cleaned. But now I know what to get you for your Birthday!

Eleanor Q. February 9, 2010 at 11:52 am

Its so funny that you posted this now. I was just at the dentist for mystery tooth pain which turned out to be pain from my gums who had been attacked by the gum rapist. Sneaky ass toothbrushes.

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