So, after you all were kind enough to be honest with me, and tell me that your kids are assholes too, I figured I’d move onto something lighter. Something as light as air. And since I got a request from one of my best girls, I figured this is a fitting subject to her request.
I’m talking about farting. I’m obviously not one of those girls who believes that girls don’t fart. It’s just not physically possible to not have gas. I mean, unless you had no internal organs. At which point, I believe that’s called death.
But I have this problem.
Whenever we get together, we always play a game. It’s called “The meal is not over when you’re full. The meal is over when you hate yourself.” -Louis CK This is usually followed by a bit of drinking. And we’re like dogs. Leave a bag of food out, and we’ll eat until we burst. And because of this little game we INSIST on playing every time, It leaves me feeling a bit… gassy. And I always feel embarrassed. Do I just let it rip? Do I tell them and THEN let it rip? Do I just keep on repeatedly excuse myself and then go off somewhere and crop dust? OR, do I just do the ‘ol “pull my finger” routine and hope they find that classic comedic gem so funny, that they don’t even notice that I actually have to pass gas. You see my dilemma here.
And I’m not really sure how to break this news to them. ”uh, yeah, we can’t hang out anymore, because you make me fart.”
Oh, crap. They read this blog.