Whose leg do you have to hump to get a dry martini around here?

by statia on January 18, 2010

A few of you had asked me to post more about the dogs.  I know, I went from having my dogs be the center of my universe to those animals that shed all over the god damned place and bark when the kids are sleeping.   This will be a lame attempt at a post, but you asked.

Grom is getting old.  Last year, we noticed a bump on his head.  The bump is now referred to as his cancer bump.  However, it’s just a cyst.  A very hard knob next to his ear, that is slowly taking over his skull.  They didn’t really recommend removing it, so pretty soon, we’ll just have a dog with two heads, and then we’ll take him on the road and become carnies.   He’ll be 11 this year.   I remember watching Emergency vets or whatever, on Animal Planet, when he was a puppy, and bawling my eyes out because someday, I was going to have to face him not being around anymore (he was like, 9 months old or something at the time.  So do you think I have issues much?).   And now, both the meester and I look at him, and then look at our watches and say, “really? dude? Seriously? You’ve lived a long life.  Go toward the light.”   I’ll be sad when he’s gone.  Of course.  He’s been with me longer than any relationship I’ve ever had.   But he is now just a dog.  I never believed that would be the case.  But after you have kids, it’s just the way it is.   He’s still a great dog.  He’s good with the kids.  He doesn’t like them, but he tolerates them and has been taught, that if he doesn’t like them yanking his ears, or gnawing on his cancer bump, he best be moving along, because, son, if you so much as harm a single hair on their heads, be prepared to be sporting a very shiny new wheelie cart for your back legs.   I think more than anything, it’s the god damned shedding.  It makes me homicidal.

Miss M is still the same pain in the ass dog that she always was.  But she has way WAY fewer accidents on the floor.  I was told (after I brought this little monster home and became quite fond of her, thank you) that chihuahuas are never able to be 100% trained, which I kind of call bullshit on.   She did shit on the floor last week, but really, she’s had maybe 3 accidents the entire time we’ve lived in this house.   So, to me, that’s pretty much trained.  I’ve come to the conclusion that chihuahua is Mexican for “little dog that sleeps in your lap all day.”   Alternatively, chihuahua also means, ‘little dog that sits like a meerkat and shows off her spectacular camel toe.”  They’re pretty much interchangeable.

{ 1 comment }

Pete January 25, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Vega’s the same way with the sitting. I look at all 12lbs of her, and wonder why a dog has a camel toe that starts midway up her belly.

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