Good to know the rest of you are crazy too.

by statia on January 28, 2010

Oh my god, you guys.  THANK YOU for all of your responses on my last post.  Seriously, you guys, I want to open mouth kiss all of you.  I hope you don’t mind.  Just roll with it.  It’ll be over quickly.  I’m so happy to know that you’re just as fucked up as I am.

Ahem.  I mean,  glad to know I’m not alone.  We’re all this boat together.  *friendly arm punch*  It does help me with the struggle a little bit.  Also?  I feel like I have a free pass to not vacuum, and just kick that toy out of the way when I see it, instead of picking it up.

I had back to back appointments with my psychiatrist (when I grow up, I want to be a pssssssssssychiatrist) and then my therapist.  My psychiatrist is basically my meds dispenser and I think she’s a tad frustrated with me.  She kind of threw her hands up in exaspiration, told me “here, take these meds, dial down the anxiety.  She handed me some samples for Cymbalta, which, I have to say, those crazy kids at Eli Lilly are not stupid.  I’ve never seen a crazy med from them come in the form of a tablet.  Always capsules,  because we wouldn’t want you to get more for your money by halving them, now would we?   Also, tier three medication, and I am not about to fork over more money to a pharmaceutical company.

My therapist, who may or may not have read this blog, based on last night’s session (Hi CA!), was like, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, JUST TAKE THE DAMN MEDS ALREADY!”  As I systematically picked it all apart in my brain.   She said something about knowing too much.   I think I’m going to call today and just go back on Effexor.   I was on it post Miscarriage of 05 and during the whole fertility hell tour.   It worked well, and I lost weight on it.   I’d rather go on something I’m comfortable with.  I can see my psychiatrist now, banging her head on the desk repeatedly.

I’m done talking about the crazy for now.  I actually have a more pressing issue to talk about.   And that is, calling your child (not to their face) names.

I was over at girlfiends blog the other day, and someone had left a comment stating that they only came back to see how many times she would call her kid an asshole.    She felt the need to explain herself.  And dude, there is no explanation necessary.  If calling your kid an asshole is a crime, well then, call me a criminal.   If you’ve never called your kid a name behind their back, then, give yourself an award for world’s most perfect parent.  Because kids can be assholes.  Kids can also be many other names, depending on the day.   And lest you think I’m a horrible mother for saying such a thing,  I challenge any parent of a teenager to say that their child has never called you worse behind your back.   I’m not saying two wrongs make a right here, but kids are exhausting and if in talking to your friends, you so happen to call your kid a dick because they’re just pushing every last button repeatedly, then I think you’re a. normal, and b. a better parent than say the one that bashes their kids skulls in, or kicks them down a flight of stairs for spilling a glass of milk.

So tell me, are you a perfect parent?  Or are you human?


Wendy January 28, 2010 at 2:33 pm

I called my kinda-kid the following last night: shit bag, green shit pile, balls. He was amused by all three. And his mom was okay with it. Probably because she calls him a dick on a regular basis and you know what? He usually deserves it.

Also The General is on Cymbalta for her anxiety, and it’s worked wonders for over a year now. Swear to God we’re like fucking med experts in our house.

Shelly January 28, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Lock me up because my kid is definitely an asshole. Not all of the time and not always on purpose, but she can be the assholiest of assholes if she’s in the mood. Just because I am her mother and love her more than anything does not mean I am blind to her asshole abilities.

Pete January 28, 2010 at 2:56 pm

I called Cameron an asshole the other day because he called me a douchebag.

mrsgryphon January 28, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Oh, yes. Usually, right after bedtime when I am SO DONE for the day, I rant to my husband for a few minutes and call the 4 year old many things. “Little Shithead” is my current favourite. The baby has escaped unscathed so far, but she’s starting to fight back a bit, so she’s going to earn herself some name-calling soon, too.

Ms. Pants January 28, 2010 at 4:50 pm

I saw an interview on Chelsea Lately a while ago. Some cute actress whose name I cannot remember was talking about her 2 year old daughter and flat out said, “I love her, but I don’t really like her all that much right now.” She was going through some sort of asshole stage. I thought it was pretty cool that she was willing to just out-with-it like that, in a country that’s so overly PC, WON’T SOMEONE PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!!

(Yeah, country. We’ve thought of the children. We think they’re assholes sometimes.)

Faith January 28, 2010 at 5:42 pm

Well, I call my dogs assholes, but I’m not sure if that counts.

I can say that after watching a couple of Christmas videos in a row from when I was 15 and 16, if my mother didn’t refer to me secretly as “little bitch” I would be shocked. She was a saint, I tell ya. A SAINT. I don’t know how she kept from slapping me across the face!

Regina Heater January 28, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Not a parent. But I thought Cymbalta was a great drug. I liked it better than Effexor. Someone said to me a couple of weeks ago that they were glad I was off all the meds, because ‘you know, they really aren’t so good for you.’ And I replied, ‘those meds were exactly what i needed to get me through the shit i was going through. now, i don’t need them, but i’m also not a heaping pile of anxiety and depression that i was three years ago.’ choose your well-being.

(I listened to a parent say to his ten yr old – he’s got triplets- ‘S, are you gonna be a dick for the rest of your life?’ My jaw dropped. And then the kid said, ‘no dad, just until i’m 13.’ and the whole lot of ‘em started laughing. it was kind of beautiful.)

Tracy January 29, 2010 at 12:03 am

Ok. I’m going to cop to a less than stellar mom moment.

I have two teenagers. One is pristine about hygiene, the other is not. They are both girls. Non-pristine child is supposed to take a shower every morning, and frequently sleeps in instead, missing her shower, and making her hygiene even more suspect. Anyway – one morning she claimed she’d taken a shower. I glanced at her hair and seriously – pepperoni pizza has less grease – and I said “FINE. If YOU want to go to school looking like a grease-ball dandruff monkey, that’s your choice!”


Yeah. It’s not asshole, and yet…

So yeah. Not perfect. Teenagers will do that to you.

electriclady January 29, 2010 at 9:00 am

Kids ARE assholes. There’s that famous Louis C.K. routine where he calls his 4-year-old an asshole, and then says, defensively, “Look, if you had a friend, and you’re all going out somewhere, and your friend sits down and refuses to put his shoes on, that guy’s an asshole, right?”

Siera January 30, 2010 at 1:01 am

Human. I have 22 month old that likes to hit me when I tell him no.

Fawn January 30, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Louis CK is my favorite! He also says HEY I don’t beat my kids..I want to!…but I don’t. We are very UN-pc around this home. Not only do I refer to them as assholes behind their backs but we often joke about things in public that could probably get me arrested.At walmart last night my 5 yr old was doing what he does best..annoying the hell out of his 16 yr old sister…she said very loudly, “I’m gonna smack you in the head just like mom does!” to which I replied just as loudly, “Don’t say that in public or I’ll smack you in the head”

(no kids have been smacked in the head for the making of this comment,or at any other time…atleast so far)

Susanne January 30, 2010 at 9:25 pm

That Louis C.K. line has me laughing out loud. Thanks for that!
And yes, that little bastard child of mine has pushed those buttons sometimes, too. I once had to explain to my husband, who claims I shouldn’t call the child names, that I hadn’t called the boy a shithead, but had simply said that he was acting like one. That’s better, right?

Donna January 30, 2010 at 10:33 pm

I feel scattered and lost too. I’m glad we have each other.

Here’s my new digs:

Veronica January 31, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Human. I am definitely human. I feel like I’m running a constant 3 steps behind, just trying to stay caught up enough that we don’t all drown. Then we add in the split personality disorder that is a 3yo and an almost toddler and oh wow, my head, it explodes.

You’re not alone.

btss January 31, 2010 at 7:23 pm

I think calling your kid a name behind their back is perfectly acceptable. I remember BEING a kid and flipping my mom the bird behind her back or silently ushering a slew of names.

Basically, you’re calling it how you see it. “It is what it is.”

When I have kids, I will surely call them things behind their back because asshole? It’s a GREAT adjective and most people GET that. ;)

As for your previous post on seeing a therapist — kudos to you. Those of us that need (or have needed) them become triumphant in doing so. It takes a hell of a lot more courage to seek therapy and treatment than it does not to. I think those of us that admit we’re human and need help finding the answers are a hell of a lot more normal than those that sweep it under the carpet (cliche, but you get the point) or pretend to have all the answers. You sleep better, right? That’s all that matters. :)

a January 31, 2010 at 8:03 pm

Human! Guilty!

When I read infertility blogs of women who are not yet parents, I get such a chuckle out of their naivete when they enter into the “I would never…” game. Yes, you struggle to get your child. Yes, you appreciate the miracle that they are, because it didn’t come easy. That does not mean that the child will not have a day (or a week or an infinite “phase”) that makes you want to sell them to the nearest roving band of gypsies. Kids push limits. Adults get pissed when their limits are pushed. Thanks for the honesty. Good luck with the Effexor.

Here from everydaystranger…

Ness at Drovers Run February 1, 2010 at 5:54 am

Guilty! Except I mumble the extended version of ‘mofo’ under my breath as I’m rapidly retreating down the hallway to the untouchable space known as ‘mummys office’.

jen February 1, 2010 at 9:55 am

Extremely human over here. Especially after this morning. For the LOVE OF GOD… I wanted to pack my bags and head to Timbuktu.

Teresa February 3, 2010 at 9:27 am

I’m late to the party on this one, but I am most certainly very human.

And my kids can be assholes, with a capital “A”.

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