Designed to Sell

by statia on October 1, 2009

I’m an HGTV addict.  Also, a food nerd, but most of the time, my TV is tuned to some sort of real estate show on HGTV.  It’s mindless, but for some reason, I’m drawn to the stupidity of people that are on these shows.

Take Bang For Your Buck, for instance.  Aside of the fact that the creators of this show think they’re funny, and could have come up with a name that sounds better than getting the cheapest whore for your money, the running commentary coming from the people watching the hosts and various real estate agents give their opinions on the homeowners decorating tastes and remodeling projects makes me laugh, also sometimes irate.  Also, it causes me to use run-on sentences.  Who knew?    I have to wonder if any of these people actually ever watch anything on HGTV, because they get rather pissy when a real estate agent shits on their design choice.   It’s something akin to that belligerent asshole in the movie theater that has to loudly comment on the movie, or someone who talks to the screen.   Really?   Look, I get it.  It’s YOUR choice how you want to decorate your little slice of the American dream, really.  If you want to paint your entire house purple and green stripes with swarovski crystal embellishments, that’s your perogative.   I mean, if you plan on staying in this house until they drag your corpse out, then who gives a shit, other than you probably chose to have your house featured on TV, so that you can see what Vern Yip thinks of your warm maple cabinets.   But if you really think that your choices were so great as to leave them like that when you go to sell your house and then get annoyed because you have to spend the money to make it look generic, well then you’re just a fucking retard.    I don’t get how these people just fail to understand that not everyone is going to love those personal touches you so painstakingly picked out.

When we were looking to buy a house, sure in a perfect world, I wanted move in ready.  I wanted the updated kitchen, and neutral colors.   House after house had nothing even close, and at the time, it was less of a buyers market than it is now.  It blew my mind as I walked through house after house, with dated kitchens, electric blue carpet with gold wallpaper (yes, really) I could look past the wallpaper and paint choices, those were easy to fix, but when you go in with ideas of “oh, we’ll just update the kitchen and replace the old carpets with hardwoods,”  I laugh at you.   Because I was that naive once, and my kitchen is still nearly the same as it was when we moved in, except much much messier.

I don’t really have a point to this, except maybe to say, people, start logging hours on HGTV if you plan on putting your house on the market.

{ 8 comments }

Shelly October 1, 2009 at 12:34 pm

I love HGTV. In fact, when we house hunt, I pretend Suzanne Wang is around the corner commentating as we look. I can even hear her in my head. Or maybe I’m just crazy.

Shelly October 1, 2009 at 12:45 pm

I love HGTV. In fact, when we house hunt, I pretend Suzanne Wang is around the corner commentating as we look. I can even hear her in my head. Or maybe I’m just crazy.

Aunt Becky October 1, 2009 at 2:35 pm

Totally. HGTV is useful for that and the trainwrecks are awesome to watch. Seriously, that’s the best part.

Faith October 2, 2009 at 10:02 am

“I have to wonder if any of these people actually ever watch anything on HGTV, because they get rather pissy when a real estate agent shits on their design choice.” Srsly. It often makes me wonder if they even remember going online and submitting themselves for the scrutiny to occur. Yeah, you there…the couple that chose to have the two totally different types of cabinets in your kitchen, along with the two stove tops on opposite sides of the room? Yeah, that ISN’T actually something that people desire to have. How that is shocking to them is beyond me.

We currently have two different types of cabinets in our kitchen. And hell if they will look like that whenever we put the place on the market. I gotta paint the original ones to match the new ones…hopefully, it won’t be hard, but damned if it won’t get done!

Mamma Pants October 3, 2009 at 6:29 am

My very favorite is “Buy Me” where they hire an agent, ignore their advice about EVERYTHING and then blame the agent when it doesn’t sell in one (yes one!) week. Having sold 4 houses and having watched a lot of mindless HGTV, I know what generic looks like. And I agree with everything you say girl!

statia October 4, 2009 at 3:18 pm

testing

MsPrufrock October 5, 2009 at 8:56 am

We moved into our tiny ass 2 bed flat almost 6 years ago. The kitchen we were going to replace? Still there and reppin’ 1982 like it always was. It took us years to get all of the previous owner’s wallpaper stripped and the walls painted. Check this out – the bathroom had rust coloured carpet, teal wallpaper, and an orange wallpaper trim. AWESOME. That was the first room to go, I assure you.

When we look at houses with dated decor, I just groan and think that I’ll be retired before we got around to finishing it. What’s the point?

Staz October 6, 2009 at 1:41 am

What I love are these idiots on House Hunters: House #1 – “Well, this is the absolute top of our budget. I don’t know…” and then they hit House #2 – “It’s 30K over our budget, but I love the furniture! We’ll take it!”
Sometimes HGTV makes me laugh, but mostly it just makes us yell at the TV.

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