Help?

by statia on May 29, 2009

We’ve been home from the hospital for just over a week.   My mother left on Wednesday and since then, I’m not sure how I’ve survived.  The woman did everything around here, including vacuum my garage.  I know, weird.

Having two kids has been really tough for me.  I’m not saying that I wish I didn’t have another.  And I don’t want to scare other people, because your mileage may vary, but I’m just a systematic person, and when that all goes to shit, I tend to lose it entirely.    I turned to the Meester the other night and said “We got our easy going baby first.”   Little Miss isn’t exactly a difficult child,  but she’s definitely more high maintenance than the Mini ever was, and she hates to be put down.   I don’t blame her.  We’re all warm and snuggly.  It’s the perfect sleeping conditions.   Of course, being that she’s an infant, she’s pretty much checked out all day, and then awake all night.  This will pass.  Right now, I don’t know how people who are sane, have more than one child.   I also am shortly going to be seeking help for Post Partum Depression, because I’m no good to my kids when I’m in this state.

The Mini is still remarkably good with his sister.  He loves to give her kisses and is usually interested in her presence.  However, his method of getting attention with us, leaves little to be desired.  It’s largely “two” with a side of extreme button pushing.  All of it is completely normal and yet despite this, he’s been a pretty good kid for the most part.   If anything, this has helped him to learn to communicate more effectively.

Otherwise, if you’ve sent me email, or have tried to get in touch with me in any way, forgive my lack of response.  I barely have time for anything, and people who have asked for pictures are going to have to wait until the year 2015.

{ 20 comments }

divrchk May 29, 2009 at 10:37 pm

It’s hard. My daughter never liked to be put down either when she was a baby. My son was somewhat neglected and watched too much television. I did what I had to do to get through it. She layed on the floor a lot while I played with blocks or whatever else with my son. Go with your gut and don’t feel bad if you think it’s not the right choice.

girlfiend May 29, 2009 at 10:43 pm

My neighbor vacuums his roof and his bushes. The roof part I sort of understand. But the bushes? Really?

Many of my friends from the neighborhood didn’t even know what my younger son looked like until he was 4 or 5 months old because he was in some sort of baby carrier constantly. I had carriers for the pool, carriers for the playground, carriers for walking around, carriers for nursing in. The poor kid was just a lump on my chest until he was old enough to play. It definitely solved the not wanting to be put down problem. Unfortunately it didn’t solve the 2 year old who completely lost his shit when the baby was born problem.

Having two kids is tough. No question about it.

Siera May 29, 2009 at 11:10 pm

I only have one myself (so far) and I don’t know how ppl can have babies PLANNED so close together I mean like a year apart. When I know ppl who plan this I am like DUDE give your body and yourself a break I mean hell you only squeezed or had something cut out of you and you want to do it again only 6 months into it???…anyways it wasn’t that long ago that my now 14 month old had me worn down/out/crying/fighting with my fiance/sleep deprived etc. I got PPD and good for you for seeking out help. I went to a PPD support group that met weekly and it helped. I also went on Zoloft 6 months after the fact when I should have gone on it a lot sooner.

I have 2 pieces of advice 1) Wear your baby as much as possible be it in a sling, wrap, Snuggli, Baby Bjorn, it will make the world of difference. She has heard your heartbeat for the last 9 months and being near you is her comfort. I had 5 FIVE carriers/slings. The best one I found was the Ergo carrier. http://www.ergobabycarrier.com/ It has an infant insert and you have your hands free and it supports your back. They’re pricey but you may be able to find one used on Craigslist or something to that effect in yoru area; 2) Self Care. I learned this in my PPD group that once a week you need to do something for YOU and only YOU. Be it a walk, a bath, a spa trip, shopping trip, reading a book… you foist the kidlets onto the hubby for an hour at least… and do something for you. I breast fed my guy and I remember going to a coffee shop near by and reading until he called me to come home and nurse him… I bottle fed too but that’s an example. Some women use the breast feeding as an excuse to not to anything for themselves… I used to go the lake in the summer and just float in the water by myself or window shop.

Thank-you for your honesty. I’m not scared to have a 2nd.

Siera May 29, 2009 at 11:16 pm

BTW it gets better. I never thought it would but it did. Is your hubby willing to stay up for a night shift while you sleep? Or part of the night at least?

jesser May 30, 2009 at 6:51 am

Yea… it’s kinda hectic, right? Hope things improve soon. I feel for ya.

Anita May 30, 2009 at 6:58 am

Don’t bother looking for Sanity, I still have not found mine (really have no hope I will) and it has been almost 15 years since I had my first two.

Like you, I am all about the routine and when have lost that control I need help. By help I mean medications.

When I had our second Sgt left 5 weeks later for a 7 month tour to Bosnia. Control and Routine took off and spent their time with Sanity on an island in the Pacifice sipping cocktails.

I know it’s cliche saying this to shall pass but I promise “This too shall pass.”

ewe_are_here May 30, 2009 at 8:43 am

Keep reminding yourself it’s going to get easier. It will… it may take some time… but it will get easier. Half the battle is getting enough sleep yourself; once that starts happening, things will start looking up.

If you can, try to get the three of you out of the house at least once a day. Being outside with other people with kids, going to playgroups, playdates etc., with other people going through the same thign and/or where other people will pitch in to help watch the mobile older child(ren) can make all the difference in having a fairly good day versus a dreadfully, long trying day alone in the house.

steff May 30, 2009 at 11:29 am

It does get easier, hang on! Nothing easy about a newborn or a toddler and you have one of each! :-)

Betty M May 30, 2009 at 3:05 pm

I echo the others – it does get easier. I went for the wear your baby option and just try to get on with whatever the elder one expected to do at any given moment. I don’t deny though that I suffered in all of this.

Amy May 30, 2009 at 9:14 pm

Ditto to what everyone else said – having two is hard, no doubt. I had a really hard time the first few months after my 2nd was born, but it did eventually get better and now that they’re both teenagers, I can barely remember those days. Hang in there.

Tracy May 31, 2009 at 10:08 pm

I had thought, being that my four other children are all ages 8-15, that it wouldn’t be so hard. I was wrong. Chloe is 10 weeks old now, and she is SOOO different. She is VERY much high-maintenance, and still doesn’t like being put down for long. She has surprised me with a few long stretches at night, but I haven’t been able to sleep through them, since I always worry something is wrong.

BUT….Hubs and I are now contemplating not getting divorced, so the PPD must be lessening! LOL. We will get through it! The exhaustion is just so hard!

Donna June 1, 2009 at 12:31 am

I’m sure it does get better, but right now I bet that doesn’t really help much, does it? (No offense to anyone who offered this sage advice, since I know absolutely nothing of which I speak.) I would say that it makes sense to get around other people going through the same thing, if for no other reason than they can watch one or both of your kids while you veg for a few minutes. I also vote for the aforementioned acid and vodka. Does the Princess have a moniker yet?

Joie June 2, 2009 at 12:30 am

My second is only 4 months old and I can say its already MUCH MUCH easier. I feel your pain, as I was in your position a very short time ago. The hardest part for me was how much harder it was to get out and connect with other moms. And no one I knew through my son has had another child as soon as I did. I second what the pp said, if you can, find other moms in the same situation to talk to.

motel manager June 2, 2009 at 1:33 pm

I hope things settle down (somewhat, at least) soon. Having two kids is a major logistical challenge. It will get better, though I agree with Donna that I’m sure that doesn’t make today feel any better.

Good for you for getting help for PPD — no one ever wished they had waited longer to do that, I don’t think.

Whimsy June 4, 2009 at 12:57 am

It sounds a little empty for me to just offer a hang in there, but really: hang in there. I’m sending good thoughts your way and hoping you get some rest (and something resembling sanity?) soon.

Watson June 5, 2009 at 1:34 pm

Oh. MY. GOD!

Honey, honey, honey — this is your OLD friend, Watson, here! I disappear for some months (okay maybe a couple of years) and you’ve gone and had yourself another BABY!

First, much love and congrats to you all!

And second: Girl, PLEASE, having a baby is hard enough as we all know, coupled with already having a toddler and THEN getting slammed with PPD?

GAH. It’s so, so hard.

I’m so glad you’re going to get some help now and not wait. Please e-mail me or call me, anytime, if you want to chat. I am totally here for you, Momma.

xoxo

ssfb June 7, 2009 at 8:21 pm

Thinking about you, hope things are brighter!

Christine June 9, 2009 at 4:54 pm

I remember how hard that is when they’re both so little. It does get better I promise. I know that’s really hard to believe right now and my thoughts are with you.

Chris June 9, 2009 at 6:59 pm

It’ll get better. Promise.

tuesday June 10, 2009 at 6:24 pm

Try and get to 6 weeks. That is when it got better for me. I would do a countdown and every day closer, it got better.
Have your husband get up on weekend nights with her. You feel so much better with sleep in you and you will function better.
Hold on, we have all been there.

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