The things they don’t tell you about pregnancy: part, I lost count.

by statia on March 29, 2009

I think my friends kind of love how crass I am.  At least I think they do.  They laugh at my candid no holds barred attitude when it comes to gross things.  Maybe they’re laughing because they’re scared or because this is the shit that people don’t ever talk about, yet we know it all exists.  Like the fact that your toenails smell like cheese when you cut them (don’t pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about), among other gems.

We were over Buzz and Puzz’s house tonight, and they’re the type of friends where we just don’t really ever hold back and usually, we spend a good portion of time laughing so hard that it hurts.

So I got to talking about various weird things about pregnancy, one of them being my boobs, and the size of them.   They never really shrank back to original size after the Mini was born, and I’m not one of those girls that was lacking in the breast department, oh, ever, so this kind of sucks a little.  And of course, getting pregnant again, they’re now approximately the size of the Santa parade float in the Macy’s Day Parade.   Each.  They are now so big that I have lost various articles under there, including the dog.   They’re also now so big that I need to get under there with toner and I have included them in my daily deodorant applying routine.

I actually pulled a Mary Catherine Gallagher one day, except instead of my armpits, it was my cleave and you get where I’m going with this.

Folks, if you’re well endowed and you get pregnant, you will have to up your underboob cleansing routine.  And you’ll also find it comfortable to stuff your shirt under your boobs during the bra free times.

This has been a public service announcement.  Oh, and if you find my dog, can you please send her back?


Empress March 29, 2009 at 9:31 am


(Have you found Miss M yet? And, more to the point, was she chewing on anything that, say, may have fallen off a baby two years ago?)

Shanna March 29, 2009 at 10:09 am

And you’ll also find it comfortable to stuff your shirt under your boobs during the bra free times.

You are so not alone.

sarah March 29, 2009 at 12:53 pm

What Shanna said.
From a former C/D girl who is scared about how much bigger they’ll get in the next 18-20 weeks.

jesser March 29, 2009 at 7:46 pm

Uh yea. And for all their freaking great size, they were pretty useless at feeding the kid in the end. What was the point of that. Here’s one for you: this go around (though I remember this from last time too, just not nearly as bad) if I get the slightest bit cold, my nipples seize up like there is no tomorrow and hurt like mad until my temperature is back to normal. The pain almost makes me cry. So glad I was pregnant all winter.

Mina April 2, 2009 at 12:12 pm

I think I went from a healthy C to an F while I was nursing. It was horrible!

Flicka April 5, 2009 at 8:22 am

I already stuff my shirt under my boobs during bra-free time! Am now rethinking that whole donor IVF thing…

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