I’m letting you in on a little secret. I’m kind of neurotic. Since having the Mini, my anxiety levels have shot through the roof. I’ve always been a pretty anxiety ridden person, and I know I’m not the only parent on this planet that has had an increase in anxiety levels after having a child. I’m sure some of it’s normal.
But now I worry about things that are out of my control. I try not to be too overprotective, letting him explore and be a child, yet I can’t help but follow him closely on the jungle gym, because he’s still so small to me, and he runs SO fast, that I’m afraid his feet won’t stop before his brain does, sending him careening off of the side.
I worry about things like kidnapping and drowning. And this isn’t just something that is limited to the Mini, no. I’ve got major car anxiety. Take a spin around a city block a few too many times and I’m like a caged animal, where there is simply not enough valium in the world. All of a sudden, I want to get out and I want to get out NOW. I’m suprised the Meester hasn’t dumped me out of the car while driving. And don’t even get me started on planes. Just take a search through my archives. The mental preparation to go on a plane takes months. And sometimes that isn’t even enough.
And I wonder if this is just a control issue. I don’t seek out control. I don’t feel as if I have to be in control, so much as having control just helps me to feel better. It’s not an issue of bossing someone around. It’s an issue of making sure I don’t break down into a full on anxiety attack. Or it could be that my once organized self has been replaced with a scattered person, with the inability to complete a task and it’s taking me more time to let go of the fact that something has to give.
It’s a wonder I don’t drink more. And I know I can’t be the only one like this.