Rational Meets Irrational.

by statia on November 4, 2008

I’m letting you in on a little secret.  I’m kind of neurotic.   Since having the Mini, my anxiety levels have shot through the roof.   I’ve always been a pretty anxiety ridden person, and I know I’m not the only parent on this planet that has had an increase in anxiety levels after having a child.   I’m sure some of it’s normal.

But now I worry about things that are out of my control.  I try not to be too overprotective, letting him explore and be a child, yet I can’t help but follow him closely on the jungle gym, because he’s still so small to me, and he runs SO fast, that I’m afraid his feet won’t stop before his brain does, sending him careening off of the side.

I worry about things like kidnapping and drowning.  And this isn’t just something that is limited to the Mini, no.  I’ve got major car anxiety.  Take a spin around a city block a few too many times and I’m like a caged animal, where there is simply not enough valium in the world.  All of a sudden, I want to get out and I want to get out NOW.   I’m suprised the Meester hasn’t dumped me out of the car while driving.   And don’t even get me started on planes.  Just take a search through my archives.  The mental preparation to go on a plane takes months.   And sometimes that isn’t even enough.

And I wonder if this is just a control issue.   I don’t seek out control.  I don’t feel as if I have to be in control, so much as having control just helps me to feel better.  It’s not an issue of bossing someone around.  It’s an issue of making sure I don’t break down into a full on anxiety attack.  Or it could be that my once organized self has been replaced with a scattered person, with the inability to complete a task and it’s taking me more time to let go of the fact that something has to give.

It’s a wonder I don’t drink more.  And I know I can’t be the only one like this.

{ 7 comments }

Dotty November 4, 2008 at 3:31 am

“Or it could be that my once organized self has been replaced with a scattered person, with the inability to complete a task and it’s taking me more time to let go of the fact that something has to give.”

That’s pretty much exactly how I feel after having a child. My anxiety is heightened by food allergies, which is a fun thing to throw in the mix. You definitely aren’t the only one like this!

Helen November 4, 2008 at 2:45 pm

I think having two babies has sent me the other direction, and I think it’s purely down to having two at once. I don’t have the chance to get stressed out now, I’m too busy chasing someone. The babies can be hurtling around the living room stuffing random chemicals in their mouth, and I look over with an expression of “You got that, or you need a straw?” I used to be so fussy, and now I eat the food the babies have spit out half the time.

You’re getting more control, meanwhile my house is going to the dogs.

I do, however, have an extremely low threshold for anything on TV that involves children being upset/hurt/starved/homeless/you name it. Tear central, baby.

Amy Enright November 4, 2008 at 3:31 pm

Baby Jesus in a manger!!!!! I get so anxious at night I have to take a xanax ( ok 2 ) just to calm down. Now I am afraid i am becoming a pill head. Probably shouldn’t be watching celebrity rehab.

Mina November 4, 2008 at 5:45 pm

I thought I would be SOOOO much worse then I am. In fact, I surprise myself with how much I don’t react to things. It’s like I notice it after the fact. I actually got a lecture from my mom that I let my little toddler run around too much (so of course, he falls over and lives with a permanent goose egg on his forehead) without keeping a closer eye on him. To be honest, I have no clue why I didn’t go the other way. I really really expected to.
As far as things not in our control, I’m horrible about that. I always have been. I always have to think of the most tragic scenarios possible and quietly freak out about the fact that it can happen and there’s nothing I can do about it.

Chris November 4, 2008 at 6:27 pm

You are SO not the only one! I’ve written about my anxiety issues and racing mind over on our blog more than once. Back when my oldest was about 10 months and I was talking to someone about how hard it was to make it through the day without losing my mind, this person said:

“Of course you are exhausted and worn out- you spend 24 hours a day keeping a small person alive and well. That means you have to be “on” at all times with no break. Who wouldn’t be overwhelmed by that?”

That’s wisdom right there. And then I went on to have 2 more kids. I’m not sure why I haven’t been carted off to the mental hospital…. yet.

Jenn November 5, 2008 at 2:55 am

I have an (ok, several) anxiety disorder and before I even got pregnant I started having full-blown, scared-the-shit-out-of-me panic attacks. THERAPY helped. And I HATE therapists. The trick was finding one who specialized in anxiety disorders. And now, I can take drugs (klonopin) when I need it, which thankfully is rarely.

Overall though, after having the kids, I’m way less anxious than I thought I would be. Not that is saying a whole lot though. I get tremendous anxiety when I’m alone with them though.

Donna November 9, 2008 at 5:16 am

You know you aren’t the only one. I cannot imagine how freaked out I would get if I had the responsibility of a child, I can barely get through the week sometimes and all I have to do is make sure the dogs are fed. Ask for help if you need it, there are folks out there.

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