Not Proud

by statia on November 17, 2008

Every single parent out there practices some “no no” parenting skill.  Whether to keep the peace or just because the task of dealing with it just seems too daunting.  Most of the time we’re embarrassed to admit that we still do, whatever it is, because parents love to be  judgemental of other parents habits.   Naturally I find this amusing, when people say to another parents, “oh you’re STILL breastfeeding, cosleeping, letting them have a pacifier, whatever whatever?”  Because when someone says something to me about my parenting skills (and believe me, Mother of the Year?  It’s being passed over me this year) I usually ask them what sort of embarrassing huge no no do they let their kids get away with.   If they’re bitches, they’ll never admit it, but it shuts them the hell up.

One of my not proud parenting issue was bottles.   This was my daunting task.   The Mini still got two bottles a day.  One when he woke up, and one when he went to bed.  It’s the only time he really ever asked for milk, and the meltdowns that would ensue when I tried to wean him were just not worth it.  Not when his communication skills were kind of lacking.  So I just let it go.  I’m not proud of it, but there it is.   I recently sought out a special cup for his milk and started the process all over again, and with no fanfare or anything, he took the cup.  Nighttime milk happens well before bedtime, and I thought for sure the change of the iron clad bottle before bed would me met with a smidge more resistance than none at all.   I can officially say we are done.  At nearly 21 months, we are DONE.   And now my shame is out there on the internet for everyone to see.

So spill it, parents of the year.  What’s your secret shame?


donna November 17, 2008 at 2:30 am

I don’t think there’s anything shameful about giving them bottles, as long as they can also drink from a cup. If a bottle at night or in the morning gives them comfort, then what’s the big deal?

My shame is that my child is probably ready to potty train but I refuse to start that until after the holidays and traveling are all over with. I’m sure I’m scarring her but I know that it’ll be horrible to try this while our routines are in an upheaval.

Flicka November 17, 2008 at 2:38 am

I smear Sam’s pacifier with cherry Maalox when he won’t stop screaming. We have to give it to him most days anyway because of his reflux; I rationalize that I’m just being proactive. But really it’s that nothing makes him quiet and sleepy like that Maalox pacie.

Erin November 17, 2008 at 2:39 am

Potty training. Charlotte’s 2 1/2 and I have zero inclination to even introduce the potty. I just laugh when I see parents training their kids at 18 months, even 2 – god love them, because I just do not have the patience or the energy to do it right now. I’m kind of secretly hoping she’ll figure it out on her own, hopefully before she’s like six.

Jenn November 17, 2008 at 3:06 am

I don’t think there’s enough room in the comment section :)

They watch too much TV, though a recent development, one i’m not proud of. That’s my biggest one right now.

Jillian November 17, 2008 at 4:03 am

Oh lord, where to begin? First, actually, I have to say that I think the bottles are no big deal. I think we get way to het up about things.

Tonight at dinner it flitted through my mind that I should have probably long ago started training my 13-month-old son to use a spoon instead of his fingers. The thing is, he loves to eat and seems to really enjoy feeding himself with his little pincer grasp. So I decided “Who cares?” I’m sure some day soon some other mother will see him out at a restaurant and be aghast.

Tomorrow I’ll think of something else.

electriclady November 17, 2008 at 4:05 am

Got you beat, babe–BG is 21 months and still takes FOUR bottles a day (first thing in morning, last thing at night, going down for a nap–so that’s another one, falls asleep on a bottle!–and a little taste with her afternoon snack). Refuses to drink milk out of a cup, and honestly I really don’t care. She tends to be on the skinny side and it’s the only way to get the calories and fat into her.

Christine November 17, 2008 at 5:49 am

hmm… ok, there are lots of things that people might say my kids did late, but I really refuse to think of it as shameful. As a matter of fact, the older I get, and the older my kids get, the more I realize that there is a “readiness age” for more things than we imagine. “Reading readiness” is a popular one for the last couple of years, but I think there’s math readiness, social readiness, potty readiness, cup readiness, as well as many others.

I had a conversation the other day with one of my very best girlfriends who has two children (2 and 3 months) and she was ashamed that after a sleepless night (the baby has reflux) and working a full day she put the children in front of a Dora video. She was sobbing that she felt so guilty for doing that. The other moms in her social circle were berating her for it. That’s insane. We all do the best we can and if there’s a mom who can say that she’s never taken the “easy way out”, I say she’s lying.

I think if, as moms, we supported each other in our own journeys with our children, instead of shaming each other, we could really change the freaking world.
You rock. Mini rocks, meester rocks – you know what? We all rock.. to our own private beat.

jesser November 17, 2008 at 1:48 pm

My bad mama thing is definitely the binky. She still has it. And I care here and there … sort of. But I also get annoyed when people suggest she should be rid of it by now. Probably because I know it’s a problem. She’s like an addict with that thing.

MsPrufrock November 17, 2008 at 2:48 pm

Oh, I could go on and on here, but I’ll narrow it down a wee bit so as not to humiliate myself. P still has a pacifier at night, which I said I was going to stop on her 2nd birthday. However, here we are at 28 months and it’s still around. Actually, she sleeps with two – one for her mouth, and the other for her hand. Double the dummies for some silly reason.

When I’m a single parent for the evening, I use TV far more than I should. I get home from work and need to tidy up, make dinner, etc. It’s hard to entertain her myself as well, and I want an easier life at the end of a long work day. So shoot me. Just make sure my kid’s watching TV at the time. With a pacifier.

tuesday November 17, 2008 at 2:53 pm

I gave my son his bottle when he needed it before bed, when he was hurt ect. until he was 24 months. I rememebr the ped tsk tsk ing me when she asked about it. He drank from a cup but wanted his bottle his only security “thing”.
I asked her if she had twins and knew how hard it was to take care of 2 babies at once with no family or friends to help.
That shut her right up!

Amy November 17, 2008 at 3:19 pm

I think we’re all so much harder on ourselves than we need to be. I hate that there is the competitive, judgmental thing going on between moms. We should be supporting and holding each other up. It’s a hard damn job.

My kids are way older now and so I’m not really in the trenches with the bottles and potty training and pacifiers any more. I look back at all the pressure I put on myself to rush them along certain phases and I cringe. A wise woman once told me that no child graduates from high school wearing diapers, drinking bottles, or sucking on pacifiers, so let it go. I wish I would have done more of that.

Still, though, I have mommy guilt even though my two are in their teenage years. I hate that they don’t eat very healthy. We provide the healthier foods (well, they’re in the fridge/cabinets), but they just choose to not eat them. And I refuse to do battle over it.

They also both spend way too much time on the TV/playing video games – but you know what? They’re also both great, well-adjusted and well-behaved kids, so we must have done something right over the years. :-)

I try to remind myself that despite all the things my parents did wrong (and I cataloged them for years!), I turned out pretty ok.

Ms. Pants November 17, 2008 at 3:21 pm

I had a pacifier (I called mine a sue-sue) until I was probably 3 or so and realised my thumb was a good substitute that no one could take away. I sucked my thumb until the middle of third grade.

So I say, if they want to sleep with their binkies or whatnot–hey, so long as they’re not 15 or something, let ‘em have it!

(Um, and if they ARE 15 and like pacifiers, please tell them they’re in the wrong decade and then have them tested for Ecstasy. hee.)

Steph November 17, 2008 at 4:11 pm

Lyss still uses a pacifier for nigh-nights @ 17 months. The no-no part is that we let her have starting at 11 months!

Claire November 17, 2008 at 4:45 pm

Actually, we’re still doing 2 bottles a day as well. He’s almost 15 months old and I just don’t see any way to get him off them. Also, if he just won’t eat what I cook, he eats a waffle. My kid eats a lot of waffles.

Philly Mama November 17, 2008 at 10:03 pm

Well my 15 month old is still taking one bottle, his morning one, even though his peditrician said no bottles by 15 months. I was sort of stressed about this, kept on saying I had to get him off that morning bottle, and finally my mom was like, “Really, why? You understand that he’s still technically a baby, right?”

And he’s still got a pacifier. That one, for selfish reasons only, I really don’t want to have him give up.

Lasha November 18, 2008 at 1:23 am

Ours is the sleeping thing. Will’s almost 20 months and pretty much never makes it the whole night in her crib. But she starts there, and she seems very secure in social situations, so I’ve stopped worrying about it.

But my sister-in-law was giving her son a nighttime bottle well past his FOURTH birthday. Watching her warm up a bottle – almost wonder out loud who it was for – and seeing her give it to my nephew . . . that’s a sight I will never forget.

ewe_are_here November 18, 2008 at 4:06 pm

Boo can drink out of a cup and with a straw or with a sippy cup, but guess what. He likes his daily formula / milk in bottles. I’m not fussed. His brother was the same until he was almost 2, and Boo can let go at his own pace, too.

Fawn November 18, 2008 at 7:36 pm

My son is four and we all watch a lot of toddler tv. People try to give me crap for it but sprout is safe tv.I don’t use it as a babysitter it’s just another way to interact with him. Not to mention the other day when I was on the phone with a friend long distance she was listening to him count to 20 and then count to 20 by twos..she asked me if he could count in spanish. I said “hm” and “son, can you count in spanish?” he got to nine in spanish.
I didn’t know he could do that. I didn’t teach him that.
OMG my son is bilingual! Damn that rotten television!

robyn November 19, 2008 at 7:12 pm

My 4-year old isn’t completely potty-trained yet (totally pee trained, poop when he feels like it) – but he has self-taught himself Spanish, French, Italian, and Chinese with his language laptops. He can read in spell in all the languages. My 3-year old has survived for the last 2 years mostly on every cracker product known to man, Cheerios, Pediasure, and air. Let’s see – his redeeming quality that cancels that out? Oh yeah, he can pour his own Cheerios from the box now and takes his dishes to the sink. Chalk us up as another educational daytime TV family…

Heather November 20, 2008 at 4:04 am

Nicholas is 3 and still in his crib. I have no desire to put him in a bed. He is my last and I want to cherish every moment :) Oh yeah and no desire for potty training- me or him!

Dania November 26, 2008 at 1:40 pm

I always said I would never give my children pacifiers…I did well with the first two, no binkies at all. This one, a binkie.

I also pick her up at the first sign of movement and don’t put her down until I know she’s completely sleeping…and she knows i’ll pick her up right away, again. I can already tell she is going to be one spoiled child :|

Dania November 26, 2008 at 1:47 pm

Btw, all those “judgemental” irritating competive moms who would always “brag” about their kids walking and crawling so soon and asking “why isn’t so-and-so-doing-that-already, Bobby-Jean-did-it-at-10-months” My comeback was always “My Dr. told me that it was the irritable, and impatient babies who were the early crawlers and walkers”

It usually shut them the hell up. heh

Catizhere December 10, 2008 at 7:01 pm

Will is juuust about 2 1/2 and he still asks for a “Bobby-hot” before bed. He rarely finishes the whole bottle & it’s just his way of relaxing after a long hard day. He also falls asleep on the couch, I carry him upstairs to his bed but he wakes every.single.night around midnight to sleep in our bed. We don’t mind the snuggling, so what’s the big deal?

Stacey April 20, 2009 at 1:20 pm

when my son was a toddler, I used to paint his toenails to piss off my husband. “Lets make your toes pretty, David” and he’d sit still and let me paint his toenails pink or blue or whatever color he wanted.
He is 8 and last night when he got out of the shower, I pushed his toe cuticles down and painted his toenails clear, and put skull appliques on the toes… and he wiggled his toes and smiled…
Take that, ex husband!

Stacey April 20, 2009 at 1:22 pm

oh, and my daughter is 14 and I still tell her to jump in the shower.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: