He we go again.

by statia on November 9, 2008

Thanks for all the congratulatory comments.  This whole thing is still blowing my mind.  While the Mini is and was amazing in his own right, nothing has prepared me for seeing this child on an ultrasound.  Every single time, I’m just amazed that my body has done what it’s supposed to do.

I will say that while we’re more excited (and very scared) at the thought of another one, I can’t say that this was met with warm hugs and tears of joy.  There were dark times in this house for awhile and the Meester’s response to my relaying the news (“Uh baby? We have a problem…”) was something along the lines of “are you fucking kidding me?”  See that whole post that was written just about a week before the big bomb went off round these parts.  I can’t say that I was exactly thrilled about it either, which will piss off a lot of people that read this, but there it is.  I felt awful thinking like that, given so many others would kill to be in my position.  But you can’t really help how you feel.

Obviously things are better now.  We’re looking forward to it.  We’re happy about it.  The Mini will have a little brother or sister to boss around.   I never expected this to happen.  No matter how many doctors told me that it was common, I have tubal blockage on both sides and a bunch of other issues.   I guess I managed to cheat the system long enough before my reproductive parts decided to get wise to my funny business (i.e. lack of birth control).

There are quite a few reasons why I haven’t blogged about it.  For one, once an infertile always an infertile.  I can’t just take anything at face value in regards to my body and pregnancy.  It’s been very odd for me to just relinquish control and not have any special treatment during this pregnancy.  Where’s my extra ultrasounds?  Where are my blood tests?   I’m now just like a regular pregnant person, and it feels I have too much slack on my rope.   Another reason is because I felt like I had my whole reproductive life as an open book for the entire world to see, a choice I made, and a choice I’m ok with.  But this time I just wanted to get through the first trimester and make sure that this kid was staying put.   And I wasn’t ready to just tell the world.

It’s definitely been a wild ride so far.  It’s funny how much of my first pregnancy I blocked from my mind.  When symptoms would arise, it would suddenly jar my memory.  “Oh yeah, I remember how much that sucked.”  There’s been definite differences, which is to be expected.

So, that’s that.  I guess we’re just settling in and preparing for a mid May arrival.   I guess that old rumor is true, it really is possible to get pregnant by having sex.

{ 22 comments }

lani November 9, 2008 at 10:22 pm

In no way should you feel guilty because you weren’t excited about having another baby. When my Mom told my Dad they were having my little sister, he grumbled, slammed the door and left her to cope with her feelings by herself all day. Neither of them were excited about it. If it’s any consolation, they wouldn’t trade her for anything now. ;) You’ll feel the same. But in the meantime… let yourself feel the way you feel. No guilt involved. Hugs.

Erin November 10, 2008 at 12:17 am

Mid-May babies are pretty awesome. And super-planned or not your second pregnancy throws you for a loop. I know I’ve said it before but I am so happy for you.

Flicka November 10, 2008 at 12:17 am

At dinner I told my husband: “Hey honey, one of the bloggers is pregnant. By having SEX. Can you believe it?” He couldn’t believe it either.

Also, just say no to that guilt. Kick that guilt in the teeth and tell it it’s mother is ugly. You feel what you feel. We all deserve that right. That’s the reason half of us start IF blogs to begin with.

Buzz November 10, 2008 at 12:55 am

Oh god. You guys had sex? Ewwww!

geeky November 10, 2008 at 2:07 am

Yeah, what Buzz said… ewwww.

jesser November 10, 2008 at 4:05 am

Similar to our best friends … everything short of IVF to get #1 (three or four years in the making) to get and #2 happened out of the blue (when #1 was about 8 months old). My due date is May 1 … wonder how far apart the siblings will be. Congrats again.

Camille November 10, 2008 at 4:51 am

Congratulations. Now that you’ve gotten past the shock and are looking forward to it, I do hope that you enjoy every moment of this pregnancy.

millie November 10, 2008 at 6:47 am

Congrats! I’m glad to hear you’re looking forward to everything…and I can’t wait to hear about the mini bossing #2 around.

Meredith November 10, 2008 at 12:23 pm

Ditto to the no guilt thing. You’re right: emotions are emotions. You get to talk about them here– there’s no point in feeling guilty about something that you can’t control. And, strange as it is, I can understand your ambivalence even with the long infertility history. I wouldn’t have when in the midst of primary infertility, but now that I truly understand what a commitment and life change having a child is, I can also truly understand having some negative feelings about it. But, I’m excited and happy that y’all are happy too now! (And I’d have been excited and happy earlier, if I’d have known, too, while I waited for y’all to come around. But I’m really obnoxious like that.)

bitca November 10, 2008 at 1:29 pm

I’m with Buzz and Geeky. I still can’t believe you had SEX with a BOY. ew.

Tracy November 10, 2008 at 2:13 pm

Holy Crap, Woman! I stay away from the computer for a few days and you go and get knocked up??? You just envied my morning sickness. That must be it!

Congrats – and do your best to ignore the fear.

Tracy November 10, 2008 at 2:26 pm

Ok. I’ve thought about it for 5 minutes. I’m thinkin’ girl.

amishpromqueen November 10, 2008 at 4:18 pm

I’m with Tracy…I leave the internet for a weekend and I come back and you’re knocked up. Sheesh! I know its scary and unexpected and all kinds of other things that I can’t imagine, being that I’m not you and you are…but, still. Congratulations! It’s a wild ride. You have a right to how you feel. Scary is normal.

motel manager November 10, 2008 at 5:10 pm

May I suggest May 14 as an excellent birthday? That’s So.ren’s. Very august.

And getting pregnant by having sex? So hard to imagine!!

Kath November 10, 2008 at 5:52 pm

Dear Statia, what an awesome surprise! Life has a funny way of springing things on people, doesn’t it? I am so, so happy for you and the Mini. You sneaky thing you! Congratulations on making it through the first trimester, though how you managed to keep mum about it I’ll never know. No doubt there were times when you were just bursting to tell. Wishing you a wonderful, healthy, safe pregnancy, my dear.

Claire November 10, 2008 at 6:22 pm

Totally missed that last post so congrats!!!

Christine November 10, 2008 at 6:28 pm

Wow! Where the hell have I been? Congratulations.
And you feel what you feel, there’s nothing you can do about that.

Kris November 10, 2008 at 8:55 pm

I’m a lousy preggo, as are most of the women I know. I think Mother Nature is an evil bitch who makes us forget how miserable we were when we even *think* about getting pregnant again. And the hormones. OY!

Just think though – years from now when the kids start saying, “You owe me! You’re my mother and you’re supposed to…” you can say, “I owe you? Look what you did to my bodacious bod!” (Momma guilt is a wonderful thing!)

I’m glad things are going well so far.

tuesday November 10, 2008 at 11:57 pm

Sometimes when we least expect or want it, life gives us what we need.
Good for you, and congrats!

Lisa November 11, 2008 at 3:05 am

I wouldn’t worry too much about feeling rather shocked by the news. I’m excited for you (all). :)

Jonathan November 11, 2008 at 10:18 pm

*High five*

Linda January 2, 2009 at 9:39 pm

Holy crap!!! I missed this. Same thing happened with my partner and his ex-wife. After trying for a while they did IVF for #1 and she got knocked up with #2 not two months after the delivery. Needless to say, everyone was shocked.

Congrats!

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