The Mini turned 15 months old yesterday. He had his 15 month well baby check up this afternoon.
I had to wake him up from a nap to take him there, so you can go ahead and ask how the rest of my day went. Or you can assume that it was hell on earth and you’d assume right.
I never really pay attention too much to percentiles, mainly because I think they’re a shit way to stroke parents egos and make other parents feel invalidated somehow. As if it’s their fault their kid “falls short of the mark.” My personal opinion is that, if they’re happy and healthy and thriving, then really who cares. The Mini is taller, lankier and has a bigger head than last time. That’s basically the long (no pun) and short of it.
Of course there were also shots involved, which never gets easier to watch. Especially now that he’s got that cry where he doesn’t breathe and turns the deepest shade of purple I’ve ever seen.
We’ve held off on getting him his MMR vaccine. Some of my friends think I’m being paranoid, which quite frankly, I don’t fucking care. I don’t necessarily think that MMR causes autism, otherwise we’d all be walking around like Rain Man, but I definitely feel as if there’s a genetic disposition to it, or if there’s subtle signs of autistic behavior, vaccinations might not be the best idea. And that’s my personal opinion, no matter what people say.
And while I don’t think that the Mini has autism in the stereotypical way that most people think of when they think of autisim, I definitely had this nagging feeling in regards to some of his personality traits. And when I mentioned them to the pediatrician, she was mildly concerned (which I only take as far as it’s her job to be concerned , I don’t read into it). He’s a very intense and focused kid, and that could just very well be his personality. I certainly don’t want to put a label on it. I’d like to say that he’s just a little boy and leave it at that. But, he doesn’t consistently respond to his name, he doesn’t explore new things, rather will intensely focus himself on one toy or book for long periods of time. He doesn’t really have any interest in activities when we take classes, and he doesn’t really pay attention to other kids. Again, this could just be him, or this could be a lot of kids. I have no basis for comparison, since he’s my only kid.
He’s been saying “car” over and over and over again for months now. He does have other “words” but new ones are few and far between, which our pediatrician said was normal. He still won’t say mama, (doesn’t pronounce the m sound), but shit, will that kid say dada. And if I said it didn’t break my heart, I’d be lying.
We’ve gotten the number for early intervention and have to keep an eye on him for the next few months to see if this is just him, or if this is something bigger.
At the end of the day, I don’t care if he has “autism” in the sense that I think it’s the end of the world. Do I want a “normal” healthy little boy? Of course, but more than that, I want a kid who lives a happy well adjusted life. Not one with a stigma hanging over his head. Given that I grew up having ADHD and it was swept under the rug, that’s not my intention. I just don’t want him to have to go through life feeling as if he’s a freak.
You know, unless that’s what he wants. And knowing my kid? That’s what he’ll want.