She’s giving the dog a bath… in the toilet

by statia on February 26, 2008

There’s a line in Denis Leary’s Lock n’ Load CD on the track about his kids.

“I just want peace…and quiet. I don’t want the dangerous quiet though. You know what that is. You’re in the kitchen reading the paper and suddenly it dawns on you. Uh oh. Hello?”

I find that rings pretty true, for both kids and dogs.

Yesterday the Mini and I got home from one of his adjustment appointments for his cranial band. I put him down, and went into the kitchen to get a jump start on dinner. I didn’t really give it much thought, when I realized that we hit dangerous quiet territory. And I immediately realized, just what it was he was up to.

I go around the corner and my suspicions were confirmed. There standing at the TOP of the stairs was the Mini, all standing there hanging onto the gate as if he was a mountain climber, who just conquered Mount Everest, looking at me like “oh HAI.”

I grabbed the defibrillator for my weakened heart and brought him downstairs.

Our house is generally locked up like Fort Knox. We have baby gates at the top and bottom of the stairs, every doorknob has a cover, every cabinet a lock. I lock things now, out of habit.

I’m totally blaming this on the dog.


jesser February 27, 2008 at 5:58 am

Oh geez. I had a similar experience a couple of weeks ago. Hubby was out of town and I was in the bathroom drying my hair … she was right behind me and then suddenly … nowhere to be seen. I mean a matter of 30 seconds. I find her, of course, right by the stairs … the ones that go DOWN. Be still my freaking heart. Hubby is still working on the blasted gates!!

Suz February 27, 2008 at 6:26 am

Yup…that’s our house, too. Sigh.

Suz February 27, 2008 at 6:26 am

Yup…that’s our house, too. Sigh.

DD February 27, 2008 at 7:08 am

And the hardest thing to do is NOT freak out so you scare the kid silly causing them to lose their balance.

Oh yeah. Been there, done that.

donna February 27, 2008 at 7:09 am

oh holy crap. That would scare the hell out of me. We’ve got to get the gate up at the top of the stairs. We don’t spend much time up there with her where she has access to the stairs (usually we’re in her room iwth her or our room with the door shut) but the day is coming soon and we need to get on that.

Deltus February 27, 2008 at 7:26 am

The worst day is when they can either defeat the gate lock, or figure out how to climb over the gate. Then you realize, there’s not a goddamned thing you can do to prevent them from going up and down the stairs. Hell, my 4 year old stills gives me the willies a bit when she goes up and down stairs.

Faith February 27, 2008 at 1:00 pm

Good GOD I love Dennis Leary.

Can you imagine being his kid? :O Awesomeness…

Anyway, I can relate to the dog portion of this sentiment. We have a new puppy. When the moments of quiet come it’s like, “Aaaahhhh…” And then, “Shit, honey, where’s the puppy?” And we’re up and searching the nooks and crannies.

I’ve lost 4 pounds in the two weeks since we got him.

suzie February 27, 2008 at 7:54 pm

he WILL overcome your puny barriers, adult type person!

hey, when did your baby become a toddler? slow down this crazy roller coaster already, would ‘ya?

Lenni February 28, 2008 at 6:53 am

I love that Denis Leary skit “The PB&J was flying around the room, flying! and then it DOCKED in there.”

skinny February 28, 2008 at 8:28 am

“Now… I would like to think that I do not have retards in my family bloodline. I’m hoping it wasn’t as stupid as ‘Nom Nom Nom oh, this goes here.’ I’m hoping it was more thought out, like ‘Hey, maybe if I put the sandwich in the VCR, I can watch the peanut Butter and Jelly Movie! Then I can really hear the crunchy parts!’”

Hahaha.. Those dangerous quiet moments happen a lot in my house… and the dog is usually chewing out the crotch of my underwear or the heels in my socks, its awesome.

motel manager February 28, 2008 at 8:49 am

Yesterday, I was cooking dinner and had that uh-oh feeling about the sudden quiet. Turned out was CHOKING on the toast he’d been happily eating. Luckily, he managed to cough it out right as I was about to start whacking him on the back while running to call 911. I’m sure that would have gone well.

waiting line February 28, 2008 at 1:36 pm

Ohhhhh sh*t. That would have given me a heart attack. Eeck. Off to the store. Baby proofing is just around the corner for us. Actually we’re probably already late.

Chris February 29, 2008 at 11:09 am

We had four kids at our place the other day. The three who could hold their heads up and walk were upstairs. When it got silent, we grew very afraid. It didn’t get silent much though.

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