Do the twist

by statia on February 8, 2008

Dear Fisher Price,

Against my better judgement, my son has TONS of toys made (in China) from your company. Our house looks like there’s an assembly line of colorful and vibrant lead painted plastic (minus the Asian factory workers) in our family room. My son is an only child, as well as an only grandchild, which is apparently obvious the minute you step foot into our house. No doubt in my mind that we’re sending at least 10 of your employees off to college. And because of this, I want to sit on the board, or maybe you can make me the VP of packaging. Because seriously, do you really need to use that much packaging? Furthermore, what the FUCK is up with all of the god damned twist ties? Is there a Wonder Bread assembly line down the street with an overabundance of plastic coated metal? For the love of god, ENOUGH with the twist ties. It shouldn’t take years to get a toy out of its packaging.

Thank you for keeping my son mildly entertained (and I only say mildly because don’t think you’re passing on over on him. You use all the same songs and all the same faces on every single toy, and he knows it).



electriclady February 8, 2008 at 7:21 am

AMEN. Whatever happened to just being able to pull something out of a box and starting to play with it? (Or, you know, if you’re my kid, play with the box.) For xmas my MIL gave BG a doll that was clamped down to the cardboard with at least 10 twist ties–neck, wrists, ankles, waist, thighs, it was like S&M Barbie or something.

becky February 8, 2008 at 8:12 am

I was laughing the whole way through, but nothing got me laughing harder than “Lylas”!!! Holy smokes is that funny.

April February 8, 2008 at 10:22 am

I can’t decide if I’m laughing harder at the Wonder Bread factory referent or the “Lylas”

PiquantMolly February 8, 2008 at 11:19 am

OMG, Lylas took me right back to 6th grade.

And then my best friend and I watched Steel Magnolias three times in a row and sobbed every time.

melissa February 8, 2008 at 12:00 pm

This is hilarious and so true!! Love the lylas!!! I can’t believe I even remebered what the initials stood for but as soon as I saw them I knew what they meant. I feel like such an idiot!!

skinny February 8, 2008 at 12:50 pm

I’m getting a box of twist ties tied with twist ties for his first birthday just to watch your head explode. :)

Brandi February 8, 2008 at 4:14 pm

Oh my. Lylas. You brought that one back from the grave I had hoped it would stay in. ha!

David Small February 9, 2008 at 9:22 am

Gee, this resonated with me.
Of coure, I don’t even know what this “Lylas” stuff is all about,…

Deltus February 10, 2008 at 11:35 am

Had to look up wtf lylas meant…

And oh Holy Christ, am I ever with you on the twist ties thing. I actually said the word “FUCK” in an exasperated tone on Christmas from all the twist tie opening and removing of moulded clear plastic from the toys, right in front of my dear children.

waiting lines February 11, 2008 at 7:26 pm

No shit. I hate the packaging. And you know what, not to get all hippie dippy, but I’m actually trying to boycott toys made in China. Hah. It ain’t easy. Even Gerber – in their well founded paranoia – is marking their packages “Made in China TO GERBER SPECIFICATIONS.” AS IF that’s going to make me feel better. Specifications my arse. ;-) Ok… so I digress.

(P.S. Can’t believe he’s walking already. He’s ONLY 11 months. Crimeney….)

PJay February 13, 2008 at 6:23 am

I just wonder how they get the twist ties, twisted and tucked between the packaging and actual toy.

Thank goodness for a sharp box cutter and wire cutters!!

PJay February 13, 2008 at 6:23 am

I just wonder how they get the twist ties, twisted and tucked between the packaging and actual toy.

Thank goodness for a sharp box cutter and wire cutters!!

Steff February 14, 2008 at 4:18 pm

The darn twist ties drive me nuts…dont even try to tear off your fingers…bdays, christmas, etc have a pair of wire cutters handy! They will make you the best mommy because little guy will be anxious to get the toy out of the box.

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