Survey says…

by statia on July 2, 2007

So, question for my infertile cohorts.

There’s no question that we’re going to tell the Mini about where he came from and how he got here. I don’t believe in lying to kids when it comes to sex or in this case, science.

So will you tell your kids where they came from? And if so, how?

Just curious. I mean, I don’t think the Mini is chomping at the bit to know just yet.


The Meeester July 2, 2007 at 5:48 am

I am going to tell him that we got him off of a Chinese baby website…half off and everything.

Robber Barren July 2, 2007 at 6:00 am

I definitely plan to tell my daughter by the time she hits her teens, as there’s a good chance she’ll deal with PCOS and/or other fertility issues. I see no reason to hide the information from my son (hell, it’s not like we hide it from anyone); probably the details will come up during home sex ed “lessons” when we discuss the female repro system.

The non-detailed version (i.e., “when a man and a woman love each other every much…except sometimes they need a little bit of help from a doctor, just like sometimes your doctor has to give you medicine to help you get better”) will probably just be part of the convo right from the beginning. My mother at least hinted at her IF to me when I was six or seven years old (and incessantly asking for a sister), and I think that kind of honesty (not hiding, but not burdening with details) is good.

Jenn July 2, 2007 at 6:21 am

We’ll definitely tell them. I think they have a right to know, it’s part of their medical history. But how, I’m not sure. I have a feeling it won’t need to be a big conversation because we talk about it all the time. I tell them frequently how long we waited for them. But when they are old enough to start asking questions about where babies come from, I’ll give them the age appropriate version.

“When a daddy and a plastic cup love each other very much….”

Tracy July 2, 2007 at 6:33 am

Does it matter whether the baby was mixed in a vagina or a petri dish?

(Need to know for medical history aside…)

Tracy July 2, 2007 at 6:33 am

Had to post that just because I had not had the opportunity to say vagina on the internet today…

MsPrufrock July 2, 2007 at 6:35 am

I will tell P that her Mum and Dad petitioned the little baby Jesus to send them a preshus, and lo and behold, after much baby dusting and implanting of one speshul embie, voila. A baby!

Ahem, seriously though…what Robber Barren said.

DD July 2, 2007 at 7:38 am

Just a twist: as you know we have one child conceived the normal (relatively speaking) way. We are trying again with the aid of donor egg.

The only difference between these two (potential) babies is the location of the conception. Would I tell my first born he was conceived in suchandsuch room in suchandsuch position while I tell (potential) 2nd child that s/he was conceived in a lab’s petri dish?

Now I’m just playing devil’s advocate since yes, I would plan on telling my (potential) child of our ART attempts.

bitca July 2, 2007 at 8:48 am

I’ve always been honest with Aaron about his origins. Occasionally, we’ll drive by the cabbage patch where I found him and get all nostalgic.

Deltus July 2, 2007 at 9:29 am

As a rule, you shouldn’t lie to your kids about important stuff like that. Just give them the information in a format/way their minds can handle. Same for the sex talk in general, or for the proper names for things, or… well, anything, really.

Or, I always liked the stork metaphor… :)

K&M July 2, 2007 at 9:32 am

My side of the family and our other kids know, so we’ll tell Max he was an IVF baby at some point. I also shared my eggs so there is another layer of the story to share. (My recipient had twin boys.)

Jo July 2, 2007 at 11:25 am

Hmmm since we do have Squishy’s Blast picture, I will be able to show him that. It is kind of a cool thing for him I think… How may children have pre-baby pictures?
I think for possible medical reasons, I will let him kknow when he is old enough to understand..

Jenaside July 2, 2007 at 11:55 am

My fiance is not my son’s father. My son is 3 now. Since he was born, I have always talked about his “daddy” (fiance) and his “dad” (ex- who left when I was pregnant). It’s clear that his daddy loves him and chose him. It’s clear that his dad isn’t in the picture. I’d never hide it from him, and I think if he knows since birth that it won’t come as a “shock” later.

I have no idea what to do with IVF babies.

Steff July 2, 2007 at 5:28 pm

I was very fortunate to get both boys the regular way, but the youngest thinks babies get in tummies by swallowing a baby whole!

When I do explain to them how babies get there, I will tell them all the options I know of at that point in time.

Linda July 2, 2007 at 6:37 pm

I’m all about TMI, so of course I’d tell him/her/them where they came from and how, complete with diagrams and charts for “show and tell” time.

How? Dr. Moustache has a children’s book that pretty much explains it rather clearly. I refuse to give him another dollar so I guess I’ll have to steal if from his office.

Vanessa July 3, 2007 at 11:28 am

Of course, this means you will have to address the general “where do babies come from” question at the same time. Otherwise Mini is going to dubiously eye up every tupperware container he comes across and figure: “Dad did it, and look what happened.”

just another jenny July 4, 2007 at 9:05 am

I plan on telling her the whole story, freezer section and all. She is soooo going to freak out the other kids at school. I’ll probably do it in a “you are so freaking special” kind of way.

sheilah July 6, 2007 at 2:06 pm

We have never made a secret that we needed a lot of help to get pregnant. My son is my high-tech baby to just about everyone I know. That is what he will be told. I have already talked about the doctor who helped us.

I haven’t mentioned the Frigidaire yet.

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