He’s coveting every inch of your shit, pal.

by statia on June 21, 2007

Neither of us were entirely keen on moving into a neighborhood. I mean, the variety that are called things like “Fox Run” or “Heather Knoll” or whatever bullshit these builders come up with. But we had to be here rather quickly, so we chose a fairly newer neighborhood, because we knew that we wouldn’t have to do much more than just your basic cosmetic changes.

It was very weird moving into this community. Apparently it’s very cliquish, which I suppose is par for the course, when you have a neighborhood like this. Everyone knew all about us when we arrived. We were from California, we just had a son. It was creepy. The neighbor across the street wasted no time coming over to introduce herself, which was the very minute my husband pulled in the driveway. Which pissed him off, because we had our movers waiting for us, and when he walked in the front door, surprise, the old owner was there, and said the most stupidest thing ever: “What are you doing here?” Um. I think the better question is what the fuck are YOU doing here? Asshole.

To be blunt, we’re not very neighborly type people. We’re pretty much of the leave us the fuck alone crowd. We have our friends that live a stones throw from us, as well as all of our other friends that we choose to hang out with, because we like them. Not because they conveniently live across the street. I don’t want to be your best friend, so don’t come knocking on my door asking to join your little club.

Last night, as the Meester was putting the garbage out, some woman walking her dog stopped to chat. She went on and on about her stupid fucking non shedding dog, while the Meester made it painfully obvious that he didn’t really give a shit about her dog. I was putting the Mini to bed, and her idle chit chat was forcing my dogs to go nuts, so I really just wanted to punch her in the face. When she made a comment to the effect of “oh you have a three month old son, don’t you?” She made the smug “enjoy the sleepless nights” comment, to which my husband, who wears his asshole badge proudly, said just as smugly, that he sleeps through the night. It was then that she went on her merry way.

I wonder how long it’ll take for them to hate us?

{ 19 comments }

ellessu June 21, 2007 at 6:23 pm

Oh God, you would probably hate us. We’re always chatting it up with the neighbors. The husband more so because, I dunno, he’s just that way. Me? I chat up the neighbors so I have an excuse to play with their dogs.

karmajenn June 21, 2007 at 6:51 pm

Yeah, like cliques in school weren’t painless enough. I’m not a big fan of those developments either, but I think I could deal with living a neighborhood called Shit’s Creek.

karmajenn June 21, 2007 at 6:51 pm

Yeah, like cliques in school weren’t painful enough. I’m not a big fan of those developments either, but I think I could deal with living a neighborhood called Shit’s Creek.

Merrin June 21, 2007 at 7:59 pm

You’d love our neighborhood. The neighbors pretty much leave each other the hell alone, but if you need something, they’re there to help. It’s the perfect set-up, since I pretty much hate people.

Anita June 22, 2007 at 4:23 am

I’m moving out of a neighbourhood like the one you just moved into. You’d love the ‘neighbourhood’ we just bought into, it’s surrounded by cornfields and hay. There is a total of 4 houses on our road, the closest to me being 5 acres away.

Steff June 22, 2007 at 5:54 am

ha! I just moved out of a neighborhood like that too…and now I am in a neighborhood, where nobody knows our name and I like it just fine!

Jenaside June 22, 2007 at 6:18 am

I’ll trade ya. I don’t like people, but I do like the niceties and finding out about other people’s day. :)

robyn June 22, 2007 at 7:54 am

It does come in very handy having those kind of neighbors when you have a house for sale you can’t check on for weeks… Otherwise, let me hermit please.

Deltus June 22, 2007 at 8:26 am

Give them little bits of false information. Get them thinking you two are spies for the Communists or something. Just for fun. :)

Chris June 22, 2007 at 10:16 am

So, we’re looking to move and all. Can we somehow just get together (with Mr and Mrs Buzz, of course) and build a compound? Sure, we’ll get raided by the government some day, but it’ll be fun in the mean time.

geeky June 22, 2007 at 11:19 am

Hahaha Can you guys be my neighbor? I’m not neighborly either. I hate small talk with strangers.

jen June 22, 2007 at 11:30 am

hahaha… i can’t stand neighbors like that. i bet we could live side by side forever and never know the other was there except when we wanted to, of course. i’m the “mind your own business” type.. except when it comes to the celebrity rag mags.

best wishes.

SarahD June 22, 2007 at 11:48 am

They probably already do hate you, but I don’t blame you. I’m not neighborly at all. It would be nice if they were trustworthy and pleasant so they could watch my cat, but I’ll never know.

Like Ellesu, I like to pet their dogs, but if that means talking to the owners, forget it. In the off chance that they do turn out to be the next Ted Bundy, I’ll be able to say, “I never liked them and I never talked to them.”

Donna June 22, 2007 at 12:29 pm

We’re all so far apart from each other around here, we never see each other except in our cars, which suits us just fine. It would drive me insane having to do the chit chat.

Pamela June 22, 2007 at 5:39 pm

You guys don’t have the smell of the hive on ya yet.

New blood draws interest.

Heh.

just another jenny June 22, 2007 at 6:43 pm

I should have never been nice to my neighour – nosiest pain in the ass ever. Can I borrow the asshole badge?

becky June 22, 2007 at 10:29 pm

it’s worse where i plan to live, because they already know everything about me & are nosey as fuck. of course, they’re also family, but that’s beside the point. i’d rather choose who to be chummy with.

in the place we live now, my best friend lives in the next building over. i know exactly 3 neighbors enough to say hi as we pass in the parking lot. and i like it that way.

mel June 23, 2007 at 6:21 am

this post made me nauseous. People are actually THAT neighborly? Oh hells NO! We will be having NONE OF THAT in our *new* neighborhood.

Helen June 24, 2007 at 8:46 am

Statia and the Meester’s Home: Otherwise Known as the House Where No, You Can’t Borrow Any Fucking Sugar, Asshole.

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