Charlie Brown, you blockhead

by statia on May 4, 2007

The mini had his 2 month well baby check up on Wednesday. He is your run of the mill average baby, as far as statistics go, and honestly, I could give a shit about statistics. I’m not one of those parents that has to compare my kid to everyone else’s at every turn, or sit here and blog about how he’s in the 200th percentile for whatever bullshit statistic that parents seem to get a hard on over. I do care that he meets his milestones in the average time, and isn’t developmentally delayed, but otherwise, really, I’m not going to drive myself crazy over whether or not he’s walking or talking by the time he’s 8 months old, because the Joneses up the street had a baby who was “a prodigy” or something. I did get bent when he wasn’t smiling right away, but shit, that’s for my own selfish reasons, who doesn’t want to see their kid smile? Which he is now, all the time. At least that angsty stage is over, until the teenage years anyway. Right now, knowing that I can make him smile and flirty, makes me happy. And boy, when you change his diaper, does he ever flirt. I don’t want to think about what that might mean for his future.

He also had to get four shots, and while I am German, I can say, that anyone who doesn’t cry when watching their kid(s) get shots, is completely dead inside, because man, as soon as the nurse walked out, he wailed and I cried. Seriously, that was just fucking horrible. And unfortunately, I’ll have to endure this several more times. The poor kid, man, he would stop crying long enough, only to realize how much his day sucked and then he’d start wailing pitifully again.

Of course, because no child is perfect, and I’m not going to pretend that everything is all hearts and flowers all of the time, the Mini was diagnosed with Positional Plagiocephaly, or in layman’s terms “flat head syndrome.” Now, maybe this is somewhat common because of the “back to sleep” campaign, I don’t know, but I know that my kid has it, and no amount of repositioning him at this point seems to help. He is in love with looking right. Not that he can’t or won’t look left, but when he sleeps, he favors the right side. If I place him on the opposite end of his crib, he looks at the wall. Stubborn kid, that one. And maybe this is no big deal, but when it’s your kid, it IS a big deal. The doctor said that 95% of the cases she sees, it corrects itself with the help of repositioning techniques on the parents part, but that leaves the other 5% of kids that end up in a cranial helmet. Which, if it happens, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t the worst thing in the world, but really, who wants that for their kid? We’re doing everything we can aggressively, but of course there’s no guarantee.

And yes, the whole helmet irony between the two of us isn’t lost on me, but I swear to fucking christ, if one person makes a helmet joke, I will hunt you down.


Bonnie May 5, 2007 at 12:44 am

I was born 5 weeks late … grossly underweight … in a zoo near the monkey cage … and had five ears. Plus, the doctors told Mom that I could have “serious medical problems” for the rest of my life. I was a March of Dimes baby. I could go into a big long story, but in the end it was the love my parents had for me that prevailed.

IMHO … and knowing what my parents went through … doctors these days want to put a label on everything so they can collect money. I think I made it through life pretty damn good.

Kate May 5, 2007 at 3:12 am

A girl I knew in college keeps a blog for her son…he had to wear the cranial helmet doo-dad, and now he’s the most beautiful kid ever. So worst case scenario, it’s not that bad, right?

The blog in question:

shern's mom May 5, 2007 at 3:50 am

hi, nice blog nice layout. ive just added you to my link list and technorati fav.

MsPrufrock May 5, 2007 at 6:03 am

I must lack a soul because I didn’t cry for any of P’s vaccinations. It was mainly because she only cried for about 30 minutes. Fast forward to a month ago she had to have some blood taken and it took 20 minutes. I cried like a motherfucking baby. So did she, incidentally.

If it comes to the helmet stage, which is rather unlikely anyway I should think, it doesn’t seem to be a huge deal. One of the babies in my group wears one and after much gnashing of teeth by his mum over the issue, he took to it very well. His helmet has a space theme, which is way cooler than the camo one I saw the other day. Ugh.

Suz’s twins (Within the Woods) wore helmets for a bit, though I think their plagiocephaly concerned the back of their heads.

P. always heavily favoured the right side and still does. I actually do think that side of her head is a bit flatter, but not to any great degree. The whole notion of parents repositioning the head is rather silly, since they’ll turn their head whatever way they want to. Have you tried to turn a sleeping baby’s head from right to left? I was afraid P’s head would snap off, so I stopped bothering.

Phew…I’m all done now, don’t worry.

Imamamma May 5, 2007 at 6:14 am

My nephew has Downs Syndrome and a lazy eye (glasses) and a flat-head (helmet) and an underactive thyroid (pills). His older brother (7) went through a super-hero phase and was jealous of his little brother’s “equipment”.

Different nephew was a preemie and had a shunt in the left side of his head, causing him to lay only on his right side, giving his head an odd-shape. He didn’t need a helmet, it eventually corrected enough on its own.

My son’s head is almost perfectly round …like oddly-round (he never seemed to sleep, so no time to flatten it out I guess). I once had an old woman say “It’s like a bowling-ball!”

Moral of the story…you can’t win no matter what shape your kid’s head is! Someone’s always got to add their two-cents. :-) This is just the beginning of a long list of things you never imagined you’d need to worry about. Welcome to motherhood!

M@ May 5, 2007 at 6:58 am

I would never make a helmet joke, but you never know about Tricia. ;)

DD May 5, 2007 at 10:12 am

Damn. Now I have nothing to say.

thalia May 5, 2007 at 11:03 am

Helmet jokes? wouldn’t know how to make one. Let’s hope it corrects, if not you can get a super cool helmet for him, like Suz did, and everything will be absolutely fine.

Lisa May 5, 2007 at 12:01 pm

Poor Mini, shots hurt. My son had “helmet head” too, but he’s fine now. I’m sure everything’ll be fine, but I know that won’t stop you from worrying. : )

Kris May 5, 2007 at 6:21 pm

They make a halo for that. Check at Babies R US for Cinis Halo.

I don’t know if they work on very active sleepers or not, but hey, it’s worth a shot if you’re concerned.

erica May 5, 2007 at 6:45 pm

I didn’t cry when mine got his first vax Thursday but then wow, he screamed for the second or two he got the shots, I picked him up and inserted a soother while making “poor baby” noises, and he was done crying. Meanwhile the Dr was running for the door.

Lut C. May 6, 2007 at 8:53 am

I suppose getting your child diagnosed with anything other than ‘right on track’ takes some amount of processing.

mel May 6, 2007 at 5:05 pm

well hopefully it will correct itself and everything will be fine. *hugs*

Tracy May 6, 2007 at 7:09 pm

My doctor had one nurse who was absolutely an ANGEL about giving shots. My daughter’s first few were with her – and Kelsey didn’t even cry when she gave them. It was wonderful. Then she retired, and the new nurse? I shit you not – I almost decked the woman right there in the exam room, after she totally full-on stabbed the needle into my kiddo’s thigh. Kelsey screamed for a good hour after, and it got all swollen and feverish for a couple of days. I completely switched docs, after that.

As far as the head thing goes…even if you have to do the helmet, it’s not bad. Our youngest (who is mine by marriage) was neglected by his bio-mom. The entire back of his head is flat. And he’s six. Luckily, he’s so handsome, you get distracted by his smile. But every once in awhile? It really pisses me off, and I want to punch bio-mom.

Maybe I just have a problem with aggression…

geeky May 7, 2007 at 7:15 am

One of my friends in middle school had a head that was obviously flattened in the back, and I actually asked her about it! Not in a mocking way, but more out of curiosity. I had no idea that’s how it happened. I know, I’m such an asshole.

*doesn’t make helmet jokes*

Ms. Pants May 7, 2007 at 8:34 am

I’d never heard anything about the flat head thing until just a few months ago. Friends of mine had a baby girlie who favoured one side of her head too and had to wear the helmet doodad. They painted hers all cute with flowers and dots n’ stuff so it was at least cute while she had to wear it. They said she wasn’t too freaked out by the whole thing, got used to it quickly. She’s out of the helmet now and is doing faboo!

So worst case scenario, you have to get crafty and make with cute painting on a helmet. Seriously, you’ve been through faaaaar worse on the journey prior to Meesito’s triumphant arrival. This will work out too. :-)

Pamela May 7, 2007 at 3:33 pm

OMG it starts sooooo early!
The drumbeat of conformity.
Now, it’s helmits?

waiting line May 8, 2007 at 1:30 pm

…the helmets are probably no big deal. (I say “probably” because, what the hell do I know.) But, like you, I too would do whatever I could to avoid one for my kid – primarily because I’m a wuz. My head hurts from wearing a pony tail – I can’t imagine what a g*ddamn helmet would do!

Kathy May 8, 2007 at 5:44 pm

You’ll take the helmet jokes and fucking like it. HAW.

robyn May 8, 2007 at 8:43 pm

Spear and…see? I didn’t say it. But Kathy did. ;-p As eloquently stated above, welcome to motherhood. Your ER Fastpass will be issued in approximately 10 months. {{{{ smooch }}}}

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