This totally beats watching Anna Nicole Smith’s funeral

by statia on March 2, 2007

Ok, here we go for round two:

Skits asked:
Celebrity Sex Camp: You get one dream date for each night of the week. 7. You’re allowed one (and one alternate) celebrity dream date per night. Choose. But, choose wisely, because you can’t use the same person twice.

Leave it to that whore to make me work harder than ever. I’m gestating woman, christ.

Sunday would probably have to be Zach Braff, because he’s a “sensi” and what better than to lounge in bed all day with a sensi? Alternate? Probably Ray Liotta. But only if he agrees to pistol whip Monday, Goodfella style.

Monday would probably be Luke Wilson. He seems like he’d be a good way to start off the week. Alternate would probably be Daniel Radcliffe, but just to look at. He’s more eye candy for me than anything, and I’m no Mrs. Robinson.

Tuesday would definitely be Mariska Hargitay, because hello? SVU is on Tuesday nights. Double the Mariska. And for an alternate? Why not make it an all SVU night and go with Christopher Meloni.

Wednesday would probably be Josh Lucas. I’ve always had a thing for him. Good solid middle of the week pick. Alternate would be Denis Leary, because by Wednesday the week has me pretty whipped and I could use some rude humor.

Thursday would be a good day for an old standby: Matthew Mcconaughey. He’s a partier and would go well with Thrusday night. Alternate? Hmmm, this is getting tough. You know, Mark Ruffalo is kinda cute.

Friday. Friday would be a good night for my girl Giada DeLaurentiis. But not only does she have to finesse me, she’s so fucking cooking me dinner too. And if we’re going to want dinner, a good alternate would be George Duran from Ham on the Streets.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand Saturday. Saturday is tough. Saturday should be a good party day, so I want someone who can hold up to a good bar hopping. I’m going to have to go with Ed Robertson, from BNL. He seems just a little bit crazy. Alternate would be another good old standby: George Clooney. He’s kinda no strings attached, and for a Saturday night, that’s allright with me.

Jenn asked:
Mariska Hargitay, still hot or lose the bangs?

Mariska will always be hot to me. I’m not sure I’m crazy about the bangs. I loved her with long flowing hair the best, but no matter how she wears her hair, she’s still hot.

Judi asked:
Does it bother you deep down that the baby will always have a Cali. birth certificate?

Not at all. It doesn’t matter to me where Fetus is born, as long as she/he is healthy. It’ll be a nice story to tell in the future.

Kathy asked:

Say a madman has a gun to your head and made you choose, would you drink a gallon of rotten egg nog or eat 3 pounds lbs of egg salad completely laden with pubes, which would you pick?

You love me.

Dude, I’m so shitting in your oven the next time I see you. If I had my way, I’d make the guy shoot me. At least the gagging would stop.

Teresa asked:
Who’s your favorite ‘Goonie’ and why?

Betty or Veronica?

I can’t really say that I’ve watched Goonies enough to have a favorite.
And I’d have to go for Veronica all the way. She’s got a bitchy side.

Miss Miscellaneous asked:
Did you end up getting the part for the crib replaced?

Did you ever find out if your hello kitty water cooler could really have warm drinks?

Unfortunately, the part for the crib hasn’t come in yet, but it should be here soon.
And the water cooler’s “warm water” nozzle puts out room temperature water. WTF?

Jen asked:
Are you going to try to ‘get’ the Fetus on a schedule? Or will you let s/he lead the way?

Has Mac knitted anything for the Fetus yet? lol

Is the Meester going to watch over the curtain to see Fetus be born?

1. You know, at this point, I can’t really commit to anything. Of course in a perfect world, we’d get Fetus on a schedule while the Meester is home (we’re very lucky that CA allows paternity leave and the Meester will be home for 6 weeks), but at first, I’m sure it’ll be fly by the seat of our pants.

2. Of course Mac knitted something for Fetus. She sent a gorgeous sweater that I can’t wait to use.

3. The Meester has a very low tolerance for blood and guts, so most likely , he will be on my side of the curtain.

Pru asked:
Do you have any phobias?

Will you get all gushy when Fetus is born and use words like, “miracle” and “precious angel” in your first blog post?

Have you decided to shun breastfeeding because I gave it up very early? You know, idol worship and all that.

1. I’m afraid of the dark. I have to sleep with the tv on (no sound) And I have a really bad flying phobia, but I take lots of valium to combat that when I do need to fly.

2. I can’t be held responsible if the word miracle comes out of my mouth post partum. Pregnancy hormones and all. Although, it’ll probably be more like “HOLY SHIT” now what do we do?

3. Dude you have no idea the lengths at which I go to be just like you.

Bonnie asked:
n my neck of the woods, new mom hairstyles tend to go short (for convenience) or over processed (need to look good again). Have you thought about what you’d do with your hair after Fetus arrives?

I will probably keep my hair the same. I look like a smacked ass with short hair. And really, my hair is pretty easy to do. If I leave it curly, it’s 10 minutes tops. If I blow it out, it takes maybe 15-20.

Amy asked:
Cabbage Patch Kids or Garbage Pail Kids?

Have you decided what your first alcoholic beverage will be once you pop?

1. That depends on the type of nostalgia I’m feeling. I have Garbage pail puffy stickas and also vintage Cabbage Patches.

2. I’ll take the sampler please.

Vanessa asked (again?, Jesus):
If you had a “Get out of prison free” card, which celebrities would you sucker punch in the throat and why?

Dude, no question, Britney and Anna Nicole (I don’t care if she’s dead). I’m so fucking SICK of hearing about them. America is such a sad country.

Thanks for the questions. You now know more than you ever really probably cared to know.


skits March 2, 2007 at 2:03 pm


MsPrufrock March 2, 2007 at 10:44 pm

This is going to sound strange given the idolatry spoken of earlier, but I too often sleep with the TV on. It’s not the dark I don’t like, but the silence. I would love a TV that had only sound but no image, since it’s the noise I want, not the images. I know, I know, that’s called a radio, but the TV is just so much easier.

Janet March 3, 2007 at 1:17 pm

Here I thought I was the only one who felt that way about Ed Robertson. I met my sister-in-law’s new boyfriend and liked him immediately mainly because he looks just like Ed Roberston. Excellent choices all around!

SSFB March 4, 2007 at 2:53 pm

True, but I liked it ;) for a minute I felt like we were at a junior high sleep-over playing truth or dare! Best Wishes Statia!

just another jenny March 5, 2007 at 4:55 pm

Yeah, I missed question period. That’s o.k., all the good shit got asked by everybody else.
Luv you for loving Ed.

Tracy March 5, 2007 at 10:00 pm

You do realize that not posting for 3 days when you’re this pregnant is mean and cruel,and leads us to speculate whether fetus has made his or her appearance in this world, right?

Update Woman, sheesh! (Or meester!)

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