In which I resist the urge to use lyrics to a bad Jewel song.

by statia on March 31, 2007

The past couple of days have been a sheer test of my wills as a parent and why I totally get how people can feel as if they want to hurl themselves off a bridge during the bad times of parenting. The kind of bad time that made me scream “I DON’T WANT TO BE A MOTHER ANYMORE.” I’m only human and I have my breaking point. I’m starting to realize that.

Not that the honeymoon phase with my son is over, But when he’s been crying for two days, well, I feel incredibly guilty for lamenting the above statement. The Mini Me-ester is not a fussy baby. He’s generally so mellow, so when Thursday rolled around and he just started crying, refusing to be consoled, and refusing to sleep, I pretty much lost my shit. Mainly because there was just nothing I could do and I had no idea what was wrong. A quick call to the pediatrician told us it was gas. So the poor kid was subjected to the ol’ rectal thermometer.

We decided to bring him in yesterday anyway, because he seemed to be overly hungry, every hour and a half (we stretched him to three hours 97% of the time, but it was a nightmare) and was taking in about 3.5 ounces at a clip, which to me seemed like entirely too much. And we spent a good portion of Thursday covered in spit up. The pediatrician took this as a sign to switch formula to a hypo-allergenic form of the same brand we’re currently using.

This is when all holy hell broke loose at casa de Statia. Suffice to say that not only did the Mini Me-ester hate the formula, but it made things much much worse. He took in more air, which made him more gassy, which made him more cranky, which led to even less sleep and being more inconsolable. And to boot, he was eating less formula less frequently, which, I suck at math and all, but this just seemed entirely wrong.

Now, the issue with being a wet behind the ears parent is that he probably thinks we’re fucking retarded. Essentially you have a very tiny person that is a complete stranger coming to live in your house and you have no idea what he’s trying to communicate to you and so you’re digging into your parental bag of tricks and coming up short. However, my gut instinct basically is telling me that 1. I think we were just idiots and feeding him too much, too frequently, which is why we were covered in spit up on Thursday, not that he has a formula allergy. Especially when he’s been thriving on said original formula. 2. Despite what the ped said about switching him, maybe I do know my kid a little better than I realize because after a mere 18 hours, I switched back to his regular formula, and not only was he happy, he passed out like a light and for the first time in two days, I was able to put him down.

This whole thing is like riding space mountain, it’s dark and I can’t see which way the tracks up ahead are going to turn.

And maybe I just need to publicly placate myself a little bit.


robyn March 31, 2007 at 11:19 am

Dude, again – my baby dropped below his birth weight at 6 weeks due to a feeding issue and my pediatrician finally took it seriously (because I finally got past the nurse) just hours before he would have started having organ failure. I understand exactly what you’re going through right now, how hard it is, and you’re right — there is no road map. Some day this will all be one big haze (although you’ll never truly forget), and they’ll be running around happy saying things like “Happy Thanksgiving! I have a penis!” to the entire family on speaker phone at the dinner table. And oddly enough, you’ll decide nothing was ever more worth it – lumps and all.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It’s rough enough, but with the added sleep deprivation and postpartum, you have to multiply that by x1000.

You’re doing great though. You listened to your instincts. You did what you knew deep down was best for your child. YOU are a MOM. (And doctors – people mechanics. Plain and simple.)

{{{{{ thought you needed one today }}}}}

Jenaside March 31, 2007 at 12:12 pm

Being in the military for six years, and knowing that they have a manual for everything – seriously, I think they have a manual for your boots – I always lamented that a TM didn’t pop out with my son.

I didn’t know the first thing about kids, and he was a fussy, colicky baby. I made it through.. and you are too. You should be really proud of yourself.

I had postpartum depression and I could totally relate to some of the horrific things that mothers do to their children. Luckily, I was able to control myself. :)

You are probably doing just fine… and he probably does think you are a moron. :P

Jenn March 31, 2007 at 12:23 pm

They say fussiness peaks around 6 weeks and then starts to get better. I think they lie. For us it was at least 9-10 weeks before getting remotely better and 3 months before it was a lot better. I’ve also found I need to listen to the pediatrician and then do what I feel is right anyway.

I used to fantasize about taking them back to the hospital, you aren’t alone.

Lisa March 31, 2007 at 2:39 pm

I think it sounds like you’re doing wonderfully! You’re getting to know what your son needs and learning to trust your instincts. Way to GO, Mom! :) And don’t worry, I don’t think babies develop a sense for other’s moron…osity? for a few months at least. ;) For now he’s just living from poop to bottle to nap, lather, rinse, repeat. Hang in there!

Beth March 31, 2007 at 4:27 pm

Mia got fussy as all hell at about 6 weeks when the reflux hit. And we’ve all had days we didn’t want to do it anymore.

Camille March 31, 2007 at 6:34 pm

Good goin’ momma. :)

Lisa March 31, 2007 at 7:17 pm

Just wanted to say that I love you.

Anita April 1, 2007 at 5:32 am

Your 2 days sounded just like mine with our first boy. I wanted to just put him somewhere and walk away, I was exhausted.

I figure I had fed him too often and he had a big belly full of food. He was just plain uncomfortable.

Even if you are doubting yourself you’re doing a great job. And of course all babies think we’re morons, they are born thinking that way. At age 4 MM will believe you are the shit, no longer moronic and do a full turnabout at age 12-13 when you become a moron who doesn’t know ANYTHING again. At least at this point MM can not tell you with words that you’re an idiot … enjoy it while it lasts!

erica April 1, 2007 at 7:18 am

I hear you. Possibly it could be a growth spurt? I know when my boy was on his 3 week growth spurt he was eating up to once every hour. And yes definitely with the screaming/gulping air/making gas worse thing. He has colic so I’ve spent hours a few days a week wanting to hurl myself off a bridge. Thank god for Mylicon and Maalox.

Watson April 1, 2007 at 8:44 am

This is a hella-scary post for someone still trying to get pregnant. Yikes!

But I had to thank you for your HI-larious comment on my blog. OMG, you had me snorting Gatorade out my nose woman!

I gave you a little shout-out in my update today.

donna April 1, 2007 at 11:34 am

I’m so sorry. I know how hard it can be. But good for you for trusting your gut. I think that’s all we can do and hope for the best.

Get some rest!

Tonya April 1, 2007 at 9:31 pm

Oh Statia, I can SO relate to what you described! My boy has colic & reflux, and it sucks rocks. Getting even less sleep is awful.

Could it be the growth spurt hitting a few days early (every 2 weeks until 2 mos., then every 2 mos)? Follow your instinct, and I encourage you to keep bugging your ped if you’re concerned. I had to persist for 3 months, and describe in detail what was going on before ours would take our concerns seriously.

Hoping that things have mellowed out for you.

geeky April 2, 2007 at 7:26 am

i can’t relate, but i’m sure you’ll get the hang of things soon enough! :)

Tanya April 2, 2007 at 7:28 am

No kids, so I can’t relate, but it sounds like you’re doing just fine. You trusted your instincts and experimented, and it worked out. Everything has a learning curve, so don’t beat yourself up.

(My parents resorted to stapling my diaper once.)

Steff April 2, 2007 at 10:56 am

No refunds allowed!

You are doing great!!

Faith April 2, 2007 at 12:10 pm

I’ll never forget the time when I was in the front of the house in the kitchen, and heard a *blood-curtling* scream from the back of the house from my sister that made me think that somehow, her baby’s head had come loose from her body, and was rolling around on the hard wooden floor in a pool of blood. When I went running back to see what had *actually* happened, I found the Twin sitting on the steps in her room (we had 2-story bedrooms in dad’s house), and the baby was safely across the room in her crib under the window, crying and wiggling and being, well, a baby. The Twin was crying, too. She had screamed because she couldn’t take the baby’s crying anymore. So I picked up my niece, went out front with her, and let my Twin calm down a bit.

The scream was undenyably one of utter frustration, fear, and exhaustion. I’ll never forget it. I really thought that something terrible had happened to the both of them!

I’m so glad you’re continuing to post about all of this! You’re the shit, sista…

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