This just in: I will not be pregnant forever.

by statia on February 8, 2007

Yesterday was our last bi-weekly appointment and we have now graduated to weekly appointments. I feel like I’m special now or something.


I’m retaining water. How I have no idea, because I drink like 80 ounces and pee every last ounce of it out. Like, every.five.minutes. I think I grew an extra kidney somewhere that’s really big and likes to hold onto water until after 9pm and then decides to flush it out of my system every hour on the hour.

The doctor said that I am 70% effaced, which means dick, but I don’t know, I’m sorta proud. I’m sure if we weren’t intended on a c-section, this kid would go way past its due date, just because Fetus is my child and therefor very stubborn. While I was inducted into the secret fisting club a few weeks ago (HELLO!!), there are some things that NO ONE offers up their unsolicited advice on. You people really need to re-evaluate your priorities on what you deem important to tell someone. This is one of them. The strep test. My fellow cohorts, especially my infertile bitches, who have been wanded, fisted, shot up, flushed out with saline and dye, AND been through surgery. The strep test is NOT FUN. No one tells you how UN FUN this is. I’m telling you, dry q-tip up the old hole? NOT FUN. Especially when, and I don’t know about you, the dryness in the caverns of my vagina are already abundant, a very dry q-tip does not make it any better. This, followed by a fisting, well, let’s just say it wasn’t pleasant

We also finally scheduled a date for our c-section, which I’m holding a closely guarded secret, just like the gender, because I like surprises, and you should too. But holy shit, we’ve actually got a date scheduled and it makes it seem so real and it makes me so happy to know that I will not be pregnant forever.


Lut C. February 8, 2007 at 2:54 pm

Why not use sand-paper to do a strep test?

You can’t sleep and have to pee every 5 minutes, you have grown a huge belly, but it’s a date on a calendar that makes it all real. :-)

waiting line February 8, 2007 at 4:49 pm

g*ddamn it, there you go freaking the sh*t out of me again. after all the turmoil of getting knocked up, you’d think we could pay a few (thousand) extra dollars to make this less of a horror/freak show!

. . .

ahem. ok. so that said,
congratulations on getting “THE DATE” scheduled!

. . .

and despite my delicate little ears, keep bringing on the facts. SOMEONE has got to be honest. :o )


SSFB February 8, 2007 at 6:11 pm

….I’ve always wondered what they used those giant Q-tips for….*shudders*

Lori February 8, 2007 at 6:51 pm

What a bummer I delivered the day I was scheduled for my strep test. I clearly missed out on a truly special experience.
How exciting that you have a date and the reassurance that you will not be pregnant forever!

erica February 8, 2007 at 7:33 pm


I was, because then at least there might be, you know, comments about dilation and stuff. Now, not so much.

Minawolf February 9, 2007 at 5:56 am

Um, wow. I had no idea you have to do all that at doc’s appt when you get closer. Right now I go in, they look at my belly, and I leave. Now I’m scared :/

Jenny February 9, 2007 at 6:10 am

Fisting and dry q-tip. I appreciate the heads up, although I’m not sure my OB will be happy that I know this ahead of time (I’m on strick orders from him to stay off the internet – ha ha ha ha).

jesser February 9, 2007 at 6:18 am

Hmm… I’m feeling some jealousy here. As of last week’s appointment I was dialated “maybe a finger width, maybe nothing” and my cervix was still “nice an thick.” Grrrr. I’m starting to feel like I will be pregnant forever. I didn’t mind the strep thing, but I got to spot for like 3 days straight afterwards, so that was fun. But at least I can be happy for you! Happy c-section, whenever it is.

robyn February 9, 2007 at 6:47 am

Let the countdown begin! (Do you really want to know the worst part of it all that they didn’t tell me or warn me about pre-c, but everyone went “oh yeahhhhhh…” after the fact? ‘Cuz I’ll tell ya’. But I’m not sure if I would have wanted to know or not. At least you get drugs.) Cannot wait for fresh baby smell and itty bitty tootsie photos!

mel February 9, 2007 at 7:47 am

YAY!! I am so excited for you guys. It must be pretty close, eh?

Lisa February 9, 2007 at 7:53 am

How incredibly thrilling. Can’t wait! :) xoxox!

Faith February 9, 2007 at 11:22 am

Damn you!! Damn you and your closely guarded secrets, woman!! AUGH!!!

Ok, I really don’t damn you. Not really. Not right now. AFTER the fetus is out, maybe, but not now. Which is frustrating, lemme tell you…

pithydithy February 9, 2007 at 11:32 am

Ummm…my strep test is coming up. How come nobody told me about this…this q-tip…up the…ugh. Now I’m all dreading it. (And I hate to ask this just in case I’m not being stupid but actually have a point, but….if you’re having a c-section why do you need the strep test? I thought that the bacteria were transferred with a vaginal birth?)

Audrey February 9, 2007 at 1:05 pm

I got the same treatment today — strep test and fisting (what a great term for it). Unlike you, I am simply a “fingertip” dilated and starting to soften and shorten. Which, in my mind, means I’ll need the weekly appointment scheduled for after our due date… We hit 37 weeks on Tuesday, and I’m all about lots of walks and sex to get this show on the road!

Steff February 9, 2007 at 6:52 pm

Well after that fisting I am suprised you do not feel like fetus is going to fall right out when you stand up!

Congratulations, the finish line is in sight, or the starting line, however you view it!

Lisa February 10, 2007 at 5:44 am

Gross. Those big dry q-tips peeve me like hearing nails on a chalboard. Yuck. Skin crawling. Anyways, I promise you wont be pregnant forever. But I know right now you just want it over.

Linda February 11, 2007 at 11:12 am

I wonder why they did the strep test if you’re doing a c-section? Maybe it’s a “just in case” thing for it you go into labor before your date.

I don’t get the fisting part though. Why the hell do they need to get in there more than normal for a damned Q-tip swab?

amber February 12, 2007 at 10:30 am

Not to get all, “I had it much worse” on you but…at my Dr’s office they just hand you the q-tip and you have to test yourself (i.e. shove it up your own ass) Try doing THAT while 37 weeks prg. And that, my friend, is why that q-tip handle is so dang long.

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