Now with 75% more bloating

by statia on February 19, 2007

Tomorrow marks 37 weeks, at which point Fetus will be considered full term and also at which point will be served eviction papers. Because I am so over being pregnant. I am convinced that Fetus weighs 36 and a half pounds and clearly is just now squatting in my uterus just to piss me off. And it’s probably because there’s ice cream, which there won’t be any of for a long long time to come.

Last week, the Meester turned 30 (I am a cradle robber) and for his birthday, I treated him to a nice deep tissue massage, and while I was making the appointment, I MAY have gone ahead and made an appointment for myself as well. You know, because I had to celebrate his birthday all proper like, and if that meant that I needed to get a prenatal massage, well then who am I to shirk my wifely duties?

Dudes, I got to lay on these special pillows ON MY STOMACH. I had no idea that this was going to be the case, and like a jackass, I was all mangled in these pillows on my side when she came in. When she told me I could lay on my stomach, you’d have thought I was a 6 year old entering Disney World for the first time. It was so awesome. Where the hell were these pillows 6 months ago?

The bliss was short lived and I’m now back to non sleeping cranky status. Now with more pain. I might go certifiably insane between now and the c-section date, so I’ll be doing my best to bribe Fetus to hurry the hell up and get here. I’ll find out on Wednesday if there’s any dialating action going on, however, since this kid still finds my neck comfortable, I’m not holding my breath.


Linda February 19, 2007 at 9:29 pm

I totally can’t believe you are in week 37. It blows my mind.

People give birth in the 36th week all the time to healthy take home babies so if you want to go early, go for it. (Not like you need permission or anything!)

Donna February 19, 2007 at 11:53 pm

Ditto. I haven’t accomplished much in the last nine months, but more than that I just can’t believe its already been nine months. Je-zuz. When can you drink again??

Molly February 20, 2007 at 5:59 am

Even after 41 years after giving birth I still remember that feeling of dying to sleep on my stomach. And longing to get the whole process over with:)

jesser February 20, 2007 at 6:46 am

Yea. I never woulda guessed that sleeping on my tummy was one of the things I’d miss the most!!! Sure I miss booze and sushi, but man, I *really* miss my fave sleep position.

DD February 20, 2007 at 6:52 am

I didn’t know they had pillows for that. I thought the table had a big circle cut into it and that’s where you placed the fetus-in-waiting. I guess that would mean two smaller holes above it for the boobs and well…at that point, I don’t think the table would be a safe place to relax.

donna February 20, 2007 at 7:21 am

Wow! 37 weeks already! So close. I am terribly excited for you!

geeky February 20, 2007 at 7:49 am

comooooooooooon out fetus. momma needs a martini.

Erin February 20, 2007 at 8:17 am

So close! I never got one of those prenatal massages but if there is a next time around I am so there.

Steff February 20, 2007 at 9:22 am

WooHoo…next stop mommahood!

Amber February 20, 2007 at 10:07 am

I contribute my ability to go two weeks past my due-date, during the hottest summer on record while going to work every-day…to getting messages. I was doing every 2 weeks but towards the end I was booking 1 -2 a week. It really took the edge off my “crazy”. It was expensive but can you really out a price on not killing people?
I’m getting excited for you. Let’s get this show on the road!

Amber February 20, 2007 at 2:41 pm

ummm…I think I meant to say “attribute” and “massages”. I’m such a dork-ass.

Dylan February 20, 2007 at 10:39 pm

Good luck with your birth!

MsPrufrock February 20, 2007 at 11:16 pm

There, I commented. Leave me alone now please. Jesus.

amy t. February 21, 2007 at 7:48 am

Something about the comment “good luck with your birth!” just sent me into fits of giggles. I can’t believe you are thisclose to being able to drink again! Woo!

Chris February 21, 2007 at 8:55 am

Damn, I need a massage.

moi February 21, 2007 at 10:06 am

yay for double massages.

the countdown is on…

Lut C. February 21, 2007 at 2:37 pm

OOOOOOOOOOH massages! Sounds fabulous.

erica February 22, 2007 at 6:09 am

I am filled with envy. Just had my 40 week appointment yesterday and they still won’t talk about induction until 41 weeks.

just another jenny February 23, 2007 at 7:17 am

37 weeks is a huge milestone, a massage sounds like a great way to celebrate.

Minawolf February 26, 2007 at 10:08 am

Funny enough, my 37th week will be the week that the husband turns 30. I do so like the idea of treating “us” to a massage. Though my preference would be somewhere in Jamaica or the like.

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