Cranky. It’s what’s for dinner.

by statia on February 1, 2007

I swear to you people, If I hear one more person say “better get some sleep now, while you still can”, I am going to haul off and punch them in the face so hard, they will be shitting their teeth instantaneously. Why you ask? Because guess what? I’M NOT SLEEPING NOW. Like, at all. As in good bye sleep. It was nice knowing you. See you again in a few years hopefully. Fin. And if you say “well it’s just your body’s way of preparing you for what’s ahead” You will have no gums either.

Look dudes, I get it. You don’t sleep when you have an infant, or a child. I knew that going in. I still willingly signed up for it. I’m O.K. with this. But seriously, people just need to shut up when they feel the need to share their war stories. Because really, I can’t turn back now, can I? Is this some sort of right of passage that people think they have? Because really, the scare tactic? Not working on me, and I’m getting crankier by the day, folks. Just because one person’s kid didn’t sleep for an entire 90 days straight, doesn’t mean that ALL babies don’t sleep for 90 days straight. It’s a crap shoot. I could have the best baby in all the land who sleeps deliciously (yes, I just said that), or I could have the shittiest and never sleep again. I guess we just won’t know until Fetus is born.

Until then, tread lightly, because I am not a pretty person to be around these days. *growls*


Kathy February 1, 2007 at 8:42 am

This one time? I was impaled by a cement truck on the way to my c-section surgery.

jesser February 1, 2007 at 8:55 am

Unsolicited comments … MY FAVE! … one guy told me he was glad when he found out pregnant because he thought I was just gaining lots of weight. That might’ve been cute in 2nd trimester, but I’m 36 weeks along!! GET A CLUE.

DD February 1, 2007 at 9:17 am

Maybe some sleep will help you with that cranky feeling?


Oh, c’mon, now, didn’t you know all these pre-baby comments are actually preparation for all the assvice you’ll get once Fetus is born?

Kathy February 1, 2007 at 9:18 am

@jesser: That happened to me too. My neighbor said “Ohhh you’re pregnant? I just thought you were getting fat.”


amber February 1, 2007 at 9:29 am

DD has it right. Once the fetus comes out suddenly everybody is a f*cking pediatrician!
I took Unisom every night during my last month. Dr Google says it’s safe. Between the hip pain, summer heat, and extreme girth I would never have slept without it. And if folks get all “judgy” about it then they could have kissed my HUGE ass. Do what you have to, my dear. It’s all about surviving from here on out. It’s hard but you’ll live.

asha February 1, 2007 at 9:30 am

Amen! I’m not as far along as you, and I’m already fekking sick of it. And the worst offender is my mom!

hang in there and here’s hoping you don’t spend your last week or so in jail for assualt.

trish February 1, 2007 at 9:35 am

How could you say that? It’s easy to sleep with an extra 50-pound bowling ball strapped underneath your boobs.

Jenny February 1, 2007 at 9:41 am

I throw in a Hallelujah to that Amen.

Tracy February 1, 2007 at 9:55 am

OH please. This is just the beginning. Next is the assvice on the variety of newborn care. Then on crawling. Then the walking pressure. Beyond that, the potty training. (My mother would have me believe we were all potty trained by age 1. SHAright.) Then there’s the preschool pressure, and the school pressure (Fashion, baby, fashion. And did you buy the right backpack?)

It never ends. Welcome to parenthood. I’d avise either getting used to it, or taking xanax. Or, you know, punch somebody out – because THAT will make one hell of a PTO meeting.

Dooneybug February 1, 2007 at 10:00 am

Oh yeah I hated that. In fact, I’m getting that stupidity again with my second. Like, fucking hello! I’ve already been through it, I get it dumbass!

I play dumb when people start offering their assvice. They’ll get the drift.

Vanessa February 1, 2007 at 11:19 am

Once you start breastfeeding this will all be ok. With the breastfeeding, you’ll sleep. Ooooh-especially if you get a foster nurser, to help with those times you’re not pumping!

donna February 1, 2007 at 11:32 am

Oh jesus, I got so sick of that one too. If they remember so well how sleep deprived they were after the baby came, why can’t they remember that at the end, you are a miserable beast and sleeping is impossible?

The assvice will never end. But don’t take that as assvice….

MsPrufrock February 1, 2007 at 11:49 am

You need to rest up before the baby is born, because once you’re breastfeeding…oh wait!

You are breastfeeding, right?

Vanessa February 1, 2007 at 12:05 pm

MsPrufrock – Statia is totally breastfeeding-she loves the idea. She’s a 100% breastfeeding La Leche master. I hear she’s already whipping them out now and practicing after wiping down with witch hazel and sulphur.

Jenn February 1, 2007 at 12:29 pm

I wanted to punch each person that said “Sleep when they sleep” right in the teeth. Still do.

Chris February 1, 2007 at 5:14 pm

You’ll be fine. I promise.

Jennifer February 1, 2007 at 6:40 pm

You know what? You’re my favorite kind of pregnant – Punchy.

huy February 1, 2007 at 7:44 pm

Have you gotten to the point where random people touch your belly? That was my wife’s FAVORITE.

Oh, and the one where random people tell you what to name your child. Yeah, she loved that one too.

Minawolf February 2, 2007 at 6:12 am

OMG I feel the same way. I have a coworker that keeps on making it seem like I’m going to never be able to do any of the things I want. And I’m like “No, I’m sure it will lessen.” But seriously, if I CHOOSE not to do the same things I did before, doesn’t mean that life ends when you have a baby. Ugh, sorry it’s so a pet peeve of mine and I think my crankiness will get worse too.

Jenaside February 2, 2007 at 6:54 am

Oh man. Thanks Statia. I was starting to think I might want another child, but after remembering how much it SUCKS to be pregnant… and all the stupid comments… and the lack of sleeping… Yeah. I’m feeling better now. :)

gutterfly February 2, 2007 at 7:22 am

Do any of these people bother to mention that while you’re getting no sleep when baby comes you also don’t need as much?Atleast until you get used to the lack of sleep, it seems your body has some extra mommy adrenaline.That’s what happened with both of mine,anyway.
It just seems all of their advice is always so negative..scare tactics just like you said.Seems pretty juvenile “you don’t know what you’re in for but I DO..NEENER NEENER”

Teresa February 2, 2007 at 7:25 am

I hear ya. By the last few weeks, I think the words “fuck off” came out of my mouth at least 25 times a day. Well, sometimes it was “fuck you”.

Hang in there….

Just Me February 2, 2007 at 9:54 am

Yup. The only person who gets more unsolicited advice than an obviously pregnant woman is a woman with a brand-new baby.

I don’t know if it’s some sort of anthropological need to pass along “wisdom,” or what, but I remember it very well and feel for you.

Oh, and that was the ONE THING that was cool about being pregnant at 40. No one had the balls to try to tell me what to do with my pregnant belly or my new baby! THAT was refreshingly new.

As with all of these things that concern kids, I console myself with the fact that he will (insert whatever task here) buy the time he leaves for college.

At present, I fill in that blank with “SLEEP IN HIS OWN BED.”

Bleary-Eyed, Too.

Audrey February 2, 2007 at 12:04 pm

I’m almost 36 weeks. My husband said last night (amid the grumpiness) “I think you’ve reached the ‘I’m done being pregnant’” point. I told him no, I’ve just not slept through an entire night in MONTHS and it’s beginning to wear on me. Comments about getting to sleep in on the weekend don’t help, either because I CAN’T SLEEP! It’s a cruel trick mother nature plays on us to get ready for a baby — but shouldn’t we at least get a few more nights of good sleep to have some sleep stockpiled when the little one comes home? I think so!

waiting line February 2, 2007 at 12:22 pm

well, sh*t, I’m just barely knocked up (from IVF/FET thank you) and already the assvice has started. the breeders suddenly get extremely nostalgic about their pregnancies and lo and behold I’ve got to listed to 15 minutes of bs. but, from the sound of this string of comments, it’s clear the assvice only gets worse. guess I need to buck up. shiyyytttt.

thanks for the heads up.

Mel February 2, 2007 at 6:29 pm

You’re absoluetly right. Not all babies are the same. My 1/2 brother and I were good sleepers after we were 10 weeks old. I slept right through the night when my adopted mom brought me home. I am hoping it hereditary! :)

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