Admitting my secret shame to everyone on the internet.

by statia on February 10, 2007

Dudes, I have done something that I am very ashamed of. As some of you may or may not be aware, pregnancy leads to swelling. No really, I swear. This swelling thing is kinda bullshit. The fat head, the cankles (oh yes, I am on my way to cankleville), the sausage toes. I am looking so sexy these days, that the meester cannot keep his hands off of me.

The only two things so far that were spared were pregnant arms and pregnant nose. I can’t tell you how eternally grateful I am for this.

I literally had one pair of shoes that kind of barely fit my fat feet, and they offered no cushion under the weight of my fat ass and one of the things I never thought about was all the weight from your upper half really takes a beating on the old feet. In hindsight, I probably should have seen this coming.

I really didn’t want to have to go out and buy a pair of shoes that would accomodate me in the last weeks of pregnancy, because it just seems like such a waste, if I’m only going to wear them for a short period of time.

I really have a confession to make, and I’m getting to it, but I’m scared.

So last night, we’re crawling at a snails pace through the mall, and I get this idea in my head to try on this specific type of shoe, just to see, because my feet? They hurt. And it takes me 87 light years to get from point A to point B. So I try them on, and oh holly hell, I see FUCKING ANGELS and I hear harps. And for the first time since getting pregnant, I jigged and it was COMFORTABLE. And lo, a purchase was made.

People, I succumbed a bought a pair of Crocs. If you own a pair, I’m sure you think this is no big deal, but me? I make fun of people wearing these shoes because they’re foam and kind of (ok, very) ugly and are full of holes. I look like a complete asshole wearing them, but for the love of god, pregnant women, go and buy them. Being comfortable totally overrides the fact that you look like a damn hippie.

Damn you Crocs, I hate you. But I looooooooooooove you.


skits February 10, 2007 at 6:25 pm

I still love you. I just can’t look at your feet right now.

DD February 10, 2007 at 6:39 pm

As I’m reading this, I’m thinking “you should get some crocs. cheap. comfy.”

An added bonus is that you can burn the evidence once your feet have returned to pre-sausage proportions, which actually won’t happen the moment you give birth.

Oh, you didn’t know that? Tee-hee.

amy February 10, 2007 at 8:21 pm

I was halfway through and thought, theyve got to be crocs. I am totally in love with my god awful ugly wrestling mat foam shoes. All three pair actually.

robyn February 10, 2007 at 10:04 pm

I did the same thing with a pair of Birks, you might remember. They’re my secret shame, and only saw usage during pregnancy. *pinky swear* But now that it’s you and not me, I can totally laugh. I laugh because I totally had pregnancy nose, too. ;-p

Michele February 10, 2007 at 10:42 pm

i so love pregnant people…especially when they ARE NOT me! Won’t be loooong now, and I couldn’t be happier for you!

Kenna B February 11, 2007 at 4:45 am

There is a *slightly* more stylish Croc knock-off called Quark, made of the same stuff, in many styles. (Not that I own a pair or anything…)

Amanda February 11, 2007 at 6:03 am

Delurking just to say this is one of the LOL funniest posts I’ve read in a long time. I actually had to read it to my husband, because this is so something that might happen to me. You know, if I could ever manage to get knocked up :-)

Meg February 11, 2007 at 6:27 am

Ahhhh… the crocs… I have not worn anything else for at least 12 weeks. I wear them with socks, for god’s sake. I TRY to wear other shoes sometimes, but they just seem so uncomfortable. You know, you will never go back now…

isabel February 11, 2007 at 7:08 am

Crocs slides don’t look so bad… do they? I’ve been wearing a pair since the 1st trimester.

I have pregnancy bug-eyes. Every photo but one since I’ve been lucky enough to get pregnant features my crazy, huge bug eyes.

jesser February 11, 2007 at 7:29 am

Ahh yes, the hideous crocs. I too made fun of them mercilessly and I too own a pair (tho I pride myself slightly on the fact that I inherited them from my sis who got them as a b’day prezzie and could not bring her stylish self to wear them). They and lots of their hideous accessories even originate from my home state. Imagine my pride. :P But damn, they are comfy. At least they have more styles now so you don’t have to have the english gardening shoe style anymore …

hilary February 11, 2007 at 10:28 am

you will need them after you have the baby too…all that water doesn’t disappear immeidately after baby comes out, and in fact, it heads straight south. you think those toes are fat now….well, they’ll get a little fatter. sorry. really. and after the swelling goes away you can give the crocs to the sally-ann and never tell anyone that you wore them.

Linda February 11, 2007 at 11:07 am

I promise to not look at your feet should I see you before you’ve lost the water weight. :)

Dooneybug February 11, 2007 at 11:42 am

I have been lucky enough to be pregnant both times during the summer months when near the end of the pregnancy the swelling gets bad – flip flops dude.

Word to the wise…the swelling may get even worse after the baby is born for about two weeks. So take the crocs to the hospital with you!

donna February 11, 2007 at 12:10 pm

I totally would have bought a pair of them when I was pregnant if I had been allowed to wear them to work. But since I wasn’t, I didn’t want to spend the money. Don’t be ashamed. You gotta do what you gotta do.

Chris February 11, 2007 at 2:44 pm

I “accidentally” bought a pair for 6 bucks at a drug store on vacation last summer. Ugly? yes…but ooohhhh so comfortable. I should have gotten them in all the colors! And yes, I wear them in the winter with sox..I am a nerdette but one with no foot pains.

Kathy February 11, 2007 at 5:07 pm

Dude. You can never make fun of the sweater vest ever again.

SJW February 11, 2007 at 7:59 pm

Screw the official crocs web site! I wanna see a pic of you sporting those bad boys!

Pssst. Want some granola?

Camille February 11, 2007 at 8:41 pm

The husband brought a pair home for me and the boy last spring and I LOVE THEM! I don’t wear them in public for the same reasons you’ve stayed away from them, but I do love them. I’ve found myself checking out the new styles recently so I can get a second pair – maybe a more stylish pair.

Minawolf February 12, 2007 at 5:51 am

So I go home to visit my mom this weekend. I’m so dragging her to the mall to do some “Buy me this mommy!”

Faith February 12, 2007 at 6:42 am

Just in case you’re looking for something a bit more stylish, but still very comfy, I bought a pair of Sketchers flip flops from Vic’s Secret a couple of weeks ago, and I don’t wanna take the things off to put on any other kind of shoes, they are so feet-friendly! They have LOTS of surface space, and the cushiness is undeniably heavenly.

But yeah…prego feet take precedence over any kind of stylishness a shoe can offer the world, IMO. I remember back when the Twin was prego with her daughters, and it looked so uncomfortable, I didn’t know how she could stand it!

Chris February 12, 2007 at 7:06 am

AHHH! My eyes! My eyes! Kidding. Hell, at that point, whatever makes you comfortable!

Steff February 12, 2007 at 7:06 am

I traded in my slippies for my Crocs I wear them all the time! I am glad your sore feet found some comfort.

What color did you pick?

Mollywogger February 12, 2007 at 7:30 am

Let us never mention this again.

amy t. February 12, 2007 at 7:46 am

You’re lucky you have that pregnancy thing to fall back on as an excuse. Otherwise we may have just broken up.

geeky February 12, 2007 at 7:49 am

not you too! hippy.

waiting line February 12, 2007 at 11:58 am

Ha-ha-ha! Ok well, I guess all is fair in love, war and pregnancy.

Please be sure to let us know if you get hooked & decide to wear crocs post-pregnancy! ;-)

Teresa February 12, 2007 at 4:31 pm

My sister wore them recently during her pregnancy. She calmy told me how “fucking frightening” pregnancy hormones truly are when she saw them on her feet.

buzz February 12, 2007 at 9:46 pm

Ugly? Crocs ugly? No, honey, they’re kinda, you know…cute-ish. Yeah, cute-ish and kicky. Cute-ish, kicky and… and…

Oh Sweet Mother-May-I, woman! I can’t believe you buckled! I love you dearly, but damn, I am totally pointing. And laughing. And then? Another little point.


But, seriously, they probably look good on y…. Oh crap! I almost got that out without laughing. Sorry, poo,

Christine February 12, 2007 at 11:10 pm

Add me to the list of people thinking “she needs to get some Crocs” as I read this. They saved me when I seriously sprained my ankle in November. I didn’t take them to Boston 2 weeks ago because Crocs & snow don’t mix, but damn, I missed those shoes.

How about the Mary Jane crocs? Are those any better? (Although with pregnant feet, they probably wouldn’t work too well.)

Ms. Pants February 13, 2007 at 11:53 am

I will give you a pass because you’re knocked up. But once your feet are back to regular size, if I see the crocs on them I will mock you mercilessly.

Now, do I need to go get the little flowers and stars charms that you can snap into the holes so they’re all “fanceh?”

Empress February 17, 2007 at 6:20 pm

I wish I had had some comfy shoes when I was pregnant. All I had was fallen arches and that’s a whole new world of hurt! :)

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