You’re doing it wrong.

by statia on January 5, 2007

If there’s anything that I hate more than anything else, it’s people telling me what to do or how to live my life. I don’t know, is there anyone out there that likes that? Bueller? Anyone? When I was in high school, the army kept trying to call me and recruit me. I finally told them that I had a huge problem with authority and being told what to do. They stopped calling.

One of the many things about infertility is that I feel as if it gives me a free pass to be snide to someone who’s being an asshole when trying to dictate my life. Maybe that’s wrong. But case in point: The meester was discussing cribs with one of his coworkers this afternoon and said something about us spending an insane amount of money on our nursery furniture because of the fact that Fetus will most likely be our only child. For more than the obvious reason. The coworker in turn, who is in fact an opinionated asshole, said to him: “oh no no NO, you HAVE to have at least two kids, but ideally, three is perfect.” Um, no asshole, I don’t HAVE to do anything. But this is the type of person where her way is the best way and anyone else who thinks differently, is crazy. What gets me is the fact that a lot of people feel the need to tell you that “you say that now, but you’ll change your mind.” First of all, this bugs me on so many levels.

First, who the fuck are you to dictate what I HAVE to do with my life? If you want to be all duggar and have 17 kids, then by all means, go right ahead. I’m not going to stop you or tell you it’s wrong (I might think you’re slightly creepy, but I will keep that to myself).

Second, it’s none of your god damned business how I live my life, yet, everyone feels the need to meddle about it. What.the.fuck? Asking or telling someone the amount of kids they plan on having is right up there with religion and politics in my book. All three instances I will go tell you to fuck yourself.

Third, you have no idea what lies behind the curtain in the realm of procreation for another person. They could have gotten pregnant incredibly easily, or it could have taken them years. How do you know that the person in question doesn’t have a disease where pregnancy puts that person in danger?

I’m a stubborn bitch. Don’t try and tell me that I will change my mind, or tell me that I SHOULD change my mind. I refuse to watch 24 to this day, because my cousin relentlessely told me that I had to watch it.


geeky January 5, 2007 at 4:33 pm

i’m the same way – the more people tell me to do something, the more i don’t want to do it. case in point? i refuse to read the harry potter books, just because 7500 people have told me i should. and i’m sure since i have no intentions of having kids, i’m in for a lifetime of people telling me “but you HAVE to have kids!”

Amy January 5, 2007 at 4:49 pm

You really need to stop posting rants on your blog.

Tanya January 5, 2007 at 4:53 pm

Technically, I think you made it an adjective. But I might be reading the context wrong.

And I hear you on the life instructors. I just ignore them, but I ignore the vast majority of people.

mel January 5, 2007 at 5:14 pm

I just read an entry on another blog, right before reading this entry. Your page was loading and I was thinking:

“I hate people telling me what to do or how to live my life…”

Oh and you really should watch 24 ;) 9 days…

wein January 5, 2007 at 5:17 pm

As someone who chooses to not have children, I can totally feel your pain. Stephanie gets it much worse than I do since at 42, people had almost given up on me being married, much less having kids. But most of our friends are marrying, doing the kids thing…. I think we’ll just adopt a dog and call it even :)

Alison January 5, 2007 at 5:25 pm

Yeah, what wein said. I’m not exactly the parenting type, and never have had the desire to be. Lots of times, when I mention that I don’t want kids, I get the “oh, you’ll change your mind” condescending BS. Now I won’t just because I, like you, am stubborn as hell. What’s right for some isn’t right for everyone, you know? It frustrates me that people don’t realize that everyone is different.

donna January 5, 2007 at 5:28 pm

Oh, you’ll change your mind about being told what to do. It really is the only way to live your life.

OK, that was dumb. But yes, I know what you mean and it seems people can’t help themselves especially when it comes to parenting and having kids.

Donna January 5, 2007 at 5:39 pm

I couldn’t agree more. People should keep their traps shut if they are going to make asshat statements, but *sigh*, that’s just not going to happen. When did everyone go to Life Coach University anyway?

ellessu January 5, 2007 at 8:09 pm

Word. Some woman I barely knew said to me “You say you don’t want any children now, but just wait until you hit your late 30′s. Then you’ll want them and wish you had them sooner and then you’ll be sorry you didn’t.” I remember looking at her like she had grown three heads and laughing it off because she was clearly being an idiot for actually saying that to me.

trish January 6, 2007 at 6:00 am

People have always said that to me since I have “just one child.” Just wait until they tell you what a disservice you’re doing your only child by not giving them a brother or sister. They are going to grow up lonely and selfish. I wish I could go back now and now let those types of comments bother me, so hurrah for you for ignoring it all.

Mollywogger January 6, 2007 at 7:30 am

I’m exactly the same way with Grey’s Anatomy.

And exercise.

just another jenny January 6, 2007 at 10:28 am

I hear you – I get a pretty similar reaction when I say we’ll have just one (even though my husband has 3 already!).

I’m with Mollywogger too, I don’t watch Grey’s Anatomy for the same reason.

Lisa January 6, 2007 at 12:16 pm

The same thing happened to me. I would tell everyone I didn’t want kids, and was always told “you’ll change your mind.” Then, when I’d get fed up and tell them I couldn’t have kids, they’d reply “well, that’s your business.” But whether or not I want kids isn’t my business? And now, when people find out I had a baby, and ask how he is, I tell them he’s fine, the adoptive parents rule. Yet again they say again, that’s my business. THEN DON’T FUCKING ASK! So yeah, others have been there, and it’s infuriating.

Tricia January 6, 2007 at 1:24 pm

I’m SO putting 24 in my suitcase.

Kidding. :)

jen January 6, 2007 at 9:16 pm

heh. I am the same way about a lot of things. But…I was one of the obvious few who never wanted kids, and then changed my mind. A lot of that had to do with the fact that my first marriage was a mess. There was NO way I was bringing a kid into that. Then I met currentHusband, and well, things changed.

But I still won’t watch Lost, or Grey’s Anatomy.

24 rocks, btw.


akeeyu January 6, 2007 at 9:56 pm

You know, every time I see the Duggars, I think of that photoshopped poster of them that says “Vagina. It’s not a clown car.”

Tiffanni January 7, 2007 at 7:35 am

OMG…that is so funny about ’24′…I never watched it for the same reason!

Linda January 7, 2007 at 10:27 am

That Duggar chick ought to be my surrogate if she’s that into the whole childbirth thing! Writing to her right now…heeheehee….

Minawolf January 8, 2007 at 5:39 am

I totally feel that way too. I told someone I work with how I’d probably pop out two and tie my tubes. They were like “Oh, but that’s so extreme! What if you change your mind?” When I explained that by the time I’m done with my second, I’ll be pushing late 30′s he was still going on with his whole “You never know.” Seriously, I know they’re double my age and feel like they have the right to give me advice. But don’t tell me I don’t know my mind. I can live with the consequences of my decisions thank you.

robyn January 8, 2007 at 6:25 am

And should you actually have two (or more), and God forbid they all be of the same gender…then the speeches will turn to how your life couldn’t possibly be complete unless you try for that ______. I don’t even think I’d lost the placenta with the second one and we were arleady hearing how without a little pink in our household, we might never learn the true meaning of life.

Helen January 8, 2007 at 11:17 pm

I read that the Duggar chick has spent 126 months of her life pregnant.

For thos using their hands, that’s 10.5 years.

That’s no life coach, that’s some kind of crazy.

You know what would make this all better? Breastfeeding. I’m coming over to lecture now.

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