2006, the year in review

by statia on December 22, 2006

Seeing as how my team is probably the only team at work, and I am pretty much certifiably bored out of my skull right now, I figured there is no time like the present to do my annual recap. Honestly, 2006 was probably the most up and down year that I’ve had in a long time. Either my year sucks the balls off of a pygmy goat or it’s pretty boring. Maybe I’m just remembering singlehood too vividly.

January: I somehow managed to come out of Christmas Eating Fest 05 without gaining any weight. This amazes me since I ate 17 bags of M&M’s over the holidays. I even had a contest with Tim to see how many I could shove in my piehole. We celebrated our one year anniversary last year, very quietly as we got ready to ramp up for IVF. We met with a new Dr, who we dubbed Dr. Moustache, who turned out to be a ginormous asshole, but we won’t go into that. He made us do 47 million tests and take even more vials of blood. I still feel a little woozy. Also, one of the most fun things to happen that month was that my beloved Helen came to stay with us for a few days from London. She brought so much cheese that our house smelled like a locker room for two weeks. I still think we should have just tied her to a chair and never let her go.

February: I started the pill in anticipation for our IVF cycle, which I hated every minute of. There was a reason I went off it in the first place 6 years ago. It totally sucked. I got to meet up with Manuela in the city, with one of my favorite bloggers, Donna, who I don’t see often enough. Also, Amber, the non blogger who was still pulling off a leather skirt and stilettos at 14 weeks. Let us not hate her for being hot. My dog left me a “pee valentine”. I know you’re still jealous. Also, 2006 was the year that I became super trendy.

March: Started my protocol in March and I have no idea how the hell I didn’t become batshit crazy from the massive amounts of drugs I was injecting into my system. We retrieved 19 eggs, with 12 being mature and 11 fertilizing. I guess you can say I was a good responder. We ended up putting back three embryos (Nigel, Doris and Mona, those crazy kids). The wait kind of sucked, but you all found out some really interesting things about me.

April: Dear sweet sweet April. I wanted to punch April right in the cocksucker and then set it on fire. We got our negative beta on April 4th. That was right up there as a nominee for shittiest day of the year. The Meester put our thoughts into words better than I ever could have. Suffice to say, we spent A LOT of money in April on retail therapy.

May: In may we fired Dr. Moustache and not a moment too soon. The Meester was swell enough to contact a new clinic all by himself, which turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to us. Enter Dr. Pompy. There isn’t enough space on this blog to go into how much we LOVE Dr. Pompy. We started our FET cycle with him, with much ambivalence. Slightly hopeful, but not with high hopes. I also got a huge flame up my ass to recreate my perfect childhood sticker (sticka) book.

June: June kicked our asses all over the map. We rented a house, and spent a good portion of time painting and getting everything ready before moving in, on top of having our FET shortly after that. We were literally so busy that I had barely any time to sit down, let alone think about the three embryos floating around in my body. Thank god for stickas, though, I think the Meester was *this* close to cutting off my ebay privileges.

July: Yet another whirlwind month. July 5th is forever etched in our minds as the day that changed our lives forever. We finally got a positive beta. While this was exciting, both of us felt as if we had dropped acid after blowing a huge load. Disbelief doesn’t even begin to cut it. We were very cautious about celebrating after everything. I was also certifiably insane thinking the absolute worst… until the worst didn’t really happen. July also can go on record as the month that hell arrived in the Bay Area. Did you know that hell is 117° with no air conditioning and blackouts? We also went to visit the Meester’s 99 year old grandmother one last time, which was extremely hard, but we still firmly believe she waited for him, because she knew he had to share the good news. Grandma died 3 days after we left.

August: Welcome to the world of elastic waistbands and maternity pants and all things first trimester. I have to say that I was (and continue to be) incredibly lucky in the realm of easy pregnancy. I escaped almost unscathed with one puke n’ rally fest. I quietly (very quietly) celebrated my 31st birthday with some dim sum and Lush. Everything is going swimmingly in the realm of pregnancy, which makes me nervous.

September: September was actually pretty quiet, which I was quite happy about given the busy summer we had. We registered for Fetus at the store the Meester has dubbed Divorces R Us. I don’t see us stepping into that store together anytime soon.

October: October was the Month of Candy™ How I didn’t end up with gestational diabetes from October alone is nothing short of a small miracle. I ate my weight, your weight, and Orson Well’s weight in candy.
Does anyone know if Nickelback died yet? You are all better off knowing that I blog from the shitter, and no you can’t have that bleach to wash your brain. We also found out the sex of Fetus, but you didn’t. Is it killing you yet?

November: I start to feel Fetus move on a regular basis, which just feels so weird, but also very cool. Against my sweating ass, we ordered baby furniture, which is actually set to be delivered after the holidays. We took one of our Baby Preparedness™ classes, my tits won’t stop growing and Fatty got a talking to. Ooops. Fetus gave us a little pre-term labor scare. This gestating thing is just HARD.

December: Here we are in December, all things Christmas lackluster. I still haven’t found my Christmas orgasm. So far this month brought us the third trimester, which I’ve dubbed the trimester of constantly puking in my own mouth and all hot chick showdowns all the time.

Even though this year has had it’s ups and downs, I’m very ready for 2007, which will bring on much more exciting and difficult challenges. If we all get out of it unscathed, I will be a happy woman.


Lisa December 22, 2006 at 1:23 pm

It’s been a rollercoaster year for you, but I’m so excited for you and the Meester. Lub you, even if you insist on living on the wrong coast!

Lut C. December 22, 2006 at 3:54 pm

What a year!

robyn December 22, 2006 at 11:11 pm

And very soon, you won’t even remember life and what it was like pre-Fetus. Be very glad you typed this out as it will be your only window back…

Donna December 23, 2006 at 3:49 pm

Year in Review? I’m barely done Christmas shopping with no tree, no cards sent, no lights and no presents wrapped, on Christmas Eve Eve. Merry Christmas to you and Fetus and the Meester.

Empress December 24, 2006 at 11:39 am

I guess it’s about time I sit and review my own year. Not nearly as eventful as yours, to be sure, but dramatic/traumatic in its own right.

Despite the lackluster feeling of this Christmas season, which I think 90% of the people I know are feeling this year, I hope you and Meester (and Fetus) have a wonderful holiday!

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