The fetus mocks us.

by statia on October 18, 2006

Today was another boring monthly doctors appointment. Unless I have some weird pregnancy ailment that’s I can make funny, like molten lava coming up my now charred esophogus, I really haven’t even talked much about how things are going. Because let’s face it. Only yourself, your husband/partner, and maybe the grandparents are interested in your daily pregnancy woes. People get tired of hearing about your little chunk doing the truffle shuffle on your bladder. Your latest pregnancy craving isn’t that enthralling.

That and of course I still worry on a regular basis that something is wrong and seriously Statia, shut UP about it already. Everything is FINE!!

Which, thankfully, it is. We have a nice swooshy heartbeat of 150 beats per minute. It’s all so mundane that it’s hard to mention without falling asleep. I mean, what more can I possibly tell you? My daily worries of “am I giving my kid adult onset diabetes in the womb from too much Ben and Jerry’s?”

Last night was yet another tale of “did I tell you I think something’s wrong with the baby?” At which the meester rolled his eyes like “Jesus, here we go again.” Cut to me shaking my flab saying “Fetus? are you in there?” Which was greeted by a nice swift kick to my hand and Fetus probably saying “fuck OFF lady.”

See? Not even the slightest bit interesting.

Pictures of me on the can are much more interesting than a ninja like fetus.


Jennifer October 18, 2006 at 9:30 pm

Dude, you can TOTALLY use the “kick to the bladder” thing for YEARS.

Turdface still hears about it 10 years later. (But dammit! How can you get payback for that? I can’t actually kick him in the bladder… So I have to settle for moaning about it.)

MsPrufrock October 19, 2006 at 3:07 am

Fetuses need large amounts of Ben and Jerry’s. It’s clinically proven.

buzz October 19, 2006 at 4:11 am

“Mundane” pregnancy stories sounds perfect to me! We just don’t need things to be too exciting right now, you know? Sounds like things are going Just Right.

Like Baby Bear’s porridge.

EJW October 19, 2006 at 6:26 am

I’d much rather hear boring accounts of bland pregnancies than horribly scary accounts of things gone wrong.

Good work on the ice cream. My kid’s going to be born an ice cream connoisseur, I’m pretty sure. Which is a very important skill round these parts.

geeky October 19, 2006 at 6:33 am

actually, i find the idea of the fetus saying “fuck off” pretty entertaining. heh.

millie October 19, 2006 at 9:19 am

Where are these pictures of which you speak?

Boring = very good indeed.

girl October 19, 2006 at 12:43 pm

how much longer before you find out if fetus has a noonie or a dingle? you should be close, huh?

Lut C. October 19, 2006 at 1:31 pm

Come on admit it, hearing the heartbeat gave you a rush.

I’m glad to hear things are going boringly well.

Jenaside October 19, 2006 at 2:26 pm

I love pregnancy stories.

Heartbeat? Brought tears to my eyes the first time. Yeah. I cried. Like a baby.

mel October 20, 2006 at 5:53 am

we love boring!

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