Calling it out

by statia on October 5, 2006

I got this email last night, from a blogger that I’ve known for quite some time. Years actually, but someone I haven’t really spoken to much over the past couple of years. The email kind of put me off. Now, I’m not here to start the drama or make this person feel like an ass. I get why it was sent. But at the same time, it was one of those things that completely rubbed me the wrong way. And I’m not pointing fingers here, but I’m going to use this opportunity to bring something to light that bothers me, not explain myself, because I just don’t fucking care, people don’t HAVE to read this crap.

If you’ve read here for any length of time, you’ll know that I’m just a very sarcastic wiseass. This is just how I’m wired. I know I probably come off as being a dick sometimes but you know? I just don’t care.

If you’ve also been following along at home reading the Infertility reality since we decided to make this public, you’ll know that yes, we DID go through IVF to get here. Yes, I am still very bitter that my body doesn’t work like a normal person’s body should. But the point is, we went through it and got lucky. My infertile bitches will attest to the fact that seeing those pink lines or getting a positive beta does NOT equal immediate happiness. We will never be like…. fertiles, where we get pregnant and immediately think of a live baby at the end. We wish for that, but in order to brace ourselves for the impact, we do what’s necessary to cope. This is just how it is. This is how it has to be.

They wondered if I had second thoughts or if I was scared, nervous hating being pregnant… etc.

I ask you this, fertile, infertile, adopters, please tell me what parent isn’t scared shitless at the mere thought of raising a child? Anyone, pregnant or otherwise, will tell you that the thought of their single married life changing in one instant is absolutely terrifying. How many of you have woken up in a cold sweat at the thought of Sunday brunches at the bistro being replaced by breakfast at the drive through window of McDonalds all while there was a screaming toddler in the backround? I have experienced emotions regarding this that I never I never thought would see the light of day. Especially after recovering from infertility.

My feelings on pregnancy and all of this are really no one else’s business but myself and my husband’s. And honestly, I’m never going to be one of those people that’s all sunshine and farts when it comes to pregnancy. I don’t think just because one is successful after infertility treatments that they should be made to feel grateful after all they’ve been through. We’re all human and we all deserve the right to our own emotions without judgement.

Also, please don’t make any derogatory comments about the blogger or ask who it was. This is a drama free zone.


MsPrufrock October 5, 2006 at 5:29 pm

Amen. I was surprised I didn’t get any hate mail/hate comments from my pregnancy and baby posts. Well, not yet anyway.

I think you’re being realistic, which is a hell of a lot more important than being all “sunshine and farts” when the true deal isn’t like that at all.

isabel October 5, 2006 at 6:41 pm

your blog, your feelings, your life. Tell it like it is, or don’t: you owe us nothing.

I read because I’m infertile, and I like your perspective. But you don’t need to pander to what I might want to hear, if you knew me. That would suck.

Amy October 5, 2006 at 6:45 pm

I kind of liken it to a police officer having the gallows humor – it’s how they get through their days without losing their sanity. Same thing with being infertile and being disappointed time after time… that gallows humor doesn’t leave just because you see the possibility of things changing. Cops don’t turn into happy go lucky Suzy Sunshines when they’ve had a few days or weeks with only positive experiences with the public.

I’m not an infertile, but I can totally appreciate your attitude with this whole thing. Plus, I’m also totally sarcastic so I GET IT when you post shit like that.

Jennifer October 5, 2006 at 7:11 pm

I like how people expect you (and everyone else who’s ever been pregnant) to be that sickeningly sappy, disingenuous, pregnant woman… Who the hell wants to be that two-dimensional?

I likes my pregnant friends 3D.

People need to get over themselves.

Rob October 5, 2006 at 11:50 pm

I only wish I could be all “sunshine and farts” about anything at all these days… much less the process of bringing a life-altering, scary as shit, living, breathing poop machine into this world.

Jenn October 5, 2006 at 11:54 pm

I love being pregnant, but I was still scared shitless. Hell I still am. It’s so much harder than I thought it would be and I’ll be damned if I’m not going to talk about it just because we went through so much to get there. In fact, I think in a lot of ways that makes it even harder.

mel October 6, 2006 at 5:43 am

I can’t fathom being any but scared shitless. and overwhelmed. and stressed.

You be what you need to be in order to get through every day!

Minawolf October 6, 2006 at 5:56 am

Look at it this way, you wouldn’t be nearly as funny if you were constantly upbeat about it!

Honestly, I have strong opinions on what was said to you but I’ll just leave it at that.

donna October 6, 2006 at 5:57 am

Personally, I don’t think I’ve ever been more scared in my life of anything. I mean, I am happy and excited. But I feel gross, I look gross, and I really can’t think about any period of time down the road much past the first year, because then I just want to say, “Take the thing back. I’ve changed my mind!”

You don’t have to be sunshine and farts (which by the way is the funniest thing I have heard so far today) about it. No matter what you had to do to get here, you are entitled to feel how you feel right now, and if that’s excited, or scared or gross, or gassy or bitchy or whatever, it just is.

girl October 6, 2006 at 6:51 am

dude, I stopped reading after “sunshine and farts” and I’m still laughing. you keel me.

Chris October 6, 2006 at 7:17 am

If you find someone who isn’t scared, who isn’t at least slightly freaked out by the thought of bringing a kid into the world, they’re either hitting the meth way too hard or they’re clinically insane.

Sunshine and farts indeed.

geeky October 6, 2006 at 8:32 am

i’m still trying to wrap my head about the fact that i’m actually married. not thinking about babies.. denial denial denial… la la la i can’t hear you!

but anyway, this is one of the things that i like about you – that you keep it real. we all know that pregnancy isn’t all ponies and rainbows, so i’m glad you’re not afraid to talk about the not so fun parts.

Jenny October 6, 2006 at 9:22 am

I don’t know about sunshine but my husband can tell you that I’m all farts about pregnancy.

stephanie October 6, 2006 at 10:02 am

Bravo! I recently posted about not really liking being pregnant, and how badly that makes me feel after enduring what we had to endure to get here. But that is how I feel. In the end this is YOUR blog and you get to write what you want.

SarahD October 6, 2006 at 11:01 am

Yeah, nobody needs the happiness police, particularly when it comes to things happening in your own body and your life changing forever. Who legislates feelings? We feel how we feel, and forcing someone into feeling a certain way is how women are each other’s own worst enemies.

Being a women isn’t pretty, and we should be allowed to dislike its various incarnations if we want to. Lord.

fran October 6, 2006 at 3:13 pm

there is a time and a place for sunshine and farts…and that is disneyland…

Donna October 6, 2006 at 6:22 pm

Yeah, what they all said. Dude, sometimes people say some stupid shit. Even in the Non-IF world that line of questioning would be stupid, and if they have ever been pregnant then you have my blessing to fart in her general direction. If they’ve never been pregnant, then maybe we can chock it up to the meth and be done with it.

Mollywogger October 7, 2006 at 7:33 am

Don’t change a thing. I like my Statia bitchy.

Ornery October 7, 2006 at 9:15 am

I love the fact that you deal with your scared shitless emotions using sarcastic, wiseass humor. Me? I drown my scared shitlessness with B&J’s Chubby Hubby. That way, I may not get the sunshine but I do indeed get the farts.

patflinschrod October 9, 2006 at 3:35 pm

I love reading your blog and your sarcastic way of dealing with the shit that happens in life.

Hell, we adopted our daughter and it wasn’t at all real until they handed her to me in China. and then I was like, WTF do I do now? Holy shit, we have a baby and our life has totally changed 360 degrees.

You are wise to be scared shitless, but you’ll figure it all out.

mo October 9, 2006 at 10:13 pm

i dig your realism. people need to be more realistic. i dont hate being a parent but some days i want to throw myself into traffic because a horrific mauling at that point in time seems a lot better than one more hour of constant whinging but if i TELL people that, they look at me like i am some kind of heartless monster. because i hate my child! or something. which is fucking retarded because i am sure that every person feels like that at least a couple of times. right?

also, i hated being pregnant. bah.

but um, realism. good and funny. keep it up.

Lenni October 10, 2006 at 1:23 pm

A blog that does nothing but talk about how wonderful absolutely everything is would not only be fake but uninteresting. Thats why I like your blog so much – you tell it like it is. It takes a lot of courage to put what you’re feeling out there, and I have nothing but admiration for sharing what you’ve felt comfortable sharing.

PaintingChef October 11, 2006 at 7:43 am

THANK YOU!! So well said, the thought of it IS scary. And each time I find myself knocked up and waiting for it to all go down the pooper people treat me like I’m the worst person in the world. Stupid fertile assholes.

coloratura October 12, 2006 at 11:17 am

You tell ‘em girly. I’m always amazed at people who expect the IFs who pass over into mother/babydom to be all eternally grateful, careful of others feelings, etc. Bullshit! The reward of having been through IF hell is that you get to *be* like all the other Mom’s — complaining and farting and having heartburn and everything else.

I say fuck ‘em if they don’t get that you’re entitled to that just as any other Mom is.

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