Besides the excuse that I can eat all the Halloween candy I want.

by statia on October 23, 2006

Finding out the gender of Fetus has of course made it much more real to us. Because well, duh. It makes me feel as if our chances of actually having a real live baby are increasing and with that increases the worry of shit that’s out of my control.

We’re now coming up on 20 weeks. As in more than ten, and after the teens. As in, one more week and my gestational age will be legally allowed to drink. All I can think is that, holy shit, my body is actually doing this. And it just astounds me. No matter what anyone believed, I didn’t. I couldn’t and I wouldn’t. I became ok with having our dogs and being the weird pet people.

And I’m not only happy about this (besides worried and scared shitless). I’m extremely grateful. I don’t know that forgetting my roots is easy. Every day that things go well is a constant reminder of what could and has gone wrong. I have to wonder what happened so differently this time, that this little Fetus is like the little engine that could. How is it so strong to fight off the toxic wasteland that is my uterus? The whole thing just scares the shit out of me, because now it’s so far in and so far out of my control that it keeps me up at night.

But all of the worrying is for naught, when I feel a little baby punch and I look down at my now buddha pooch and smile. Because to see myself in this ever changing state is totally amazing to me and how can anyone take this for granted?

GOD. Too much schmoop. I need a violation shower.

{ 15 comments }

erika October 23, 2006 at 2:45 pm

It’s how I feel about Sammy. I think that having to fight for something makes you appreciate it that much more, and that you’re so much less likely to take it for granted.

I’m really excited for you, and I’m so glad you’re enjoying the pregnancy. I was too overwhelmed by this point with everything, and I really resent and regret that I didn’t. It feels like forever, but it’s such a short period of time. A short, AMAZING period of time.

Tracy October 23, 2006 at 3:04 pm

Wow -I’ve never actually SEEN somebody do the pregnancy glow in text before. :-P

And the pictures of the baby belly are being posted WHEN?

Donna October 23, 2006 at 5:29 pm

Gah, a little more and you would have been spewing babydust!! Seriously, dude, I am so stoked for you and Meester and Fetus (that sounds like a country band, BTW). Your rack must be positively jaw-dropping by now.

Lisa October 23, 2006 at 7:04 pm

I’m happy to read you’re at the point where you can enjoy the ever-changing state. It sure doesn’t last long. Pregnancy, while seeming at times to last forever, really flies by. :)

mrsgryphon October 23, 2006 at 7:25 pm

I don’t usually comment, but wanted to say that I’m smiling here… glad that you are feeling a little more ‘shmoopy’ about ‘it’. (I still have to call it ‘it’ since you won’t tell us what ‘it’ is!)

Pregnancy really does feel like a marathon, but now that it’s over, I wish that I had revelled in the moment a little more often.

So… shmoop all you want :)

jen October 24, 2006 at 4:11 am

:O)

Camille October 24, 2006 at 5:38 am

awwww…you’re in love. this was the best fetus post you’ve had thus far!

girl October 24, 2006 at 9:02 am

good god. enough with the sunshine and farts already! :-D

geeky October 24, 2006 at 12:42 pm

ew, i think you got some of your sappy-ness on me.

Kathy October 24, 2006 at 12:52 pm

Did I just see a unicorn run by?

Lut C. October 24, 2006 at 1:27 pm

What did you say it was … a boy or a girl? ;-)

Too much sweetness? Not at all, you’ve got a lot of catching up to do!

suki October 24, 2006 at 1:43 pm

what’s with the whole blogging world having babies? j/k :) while i am far from it, i still love reading others’ experiences. a blogfriend of mine in NYC is going through hers – her lil boy arrives in december.

Heather Reed October 25, 2006 at 3:16 pm

AWWWW! You are so sweet! I’m glad you are settling in and begining to enjoy it. When one of my girlfriends had her little twin miracle girls she said that she wished that she hadn’t worried so much through her whole pregnancy..I think of her a lot when I start to freak myself out.. I don’t want to look back and just remember being a basket case..so far so good..I am really enjoying it now.

nervous October 25, 2006 at 9:18 pm

Yeh so here goes, I’ve been reading your blog for sometime (since the diagnosis)and we have started the fertility merry go round. We ARE weird pet people, I don’t invite strangers to tea and you are the only blog that I can relate to ( scarcasm and such ) on this topic. How crazy, you a complete stranger have helped me deal with this,
my most personal problem. I always wanted to thank you. So, thank you Statia and congratulations you’re really doing it!

robyn October 26, 2006 at 7:18 am

If you could only see my big Charlie Brown smile right now! Hearts floating above my head and everything… ;-)

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