They’re real and they’re spectacular

by statia on September 4, 2006

A couple of comments in my last post regarding breastfeeding just makes me want to get this out of the way now because while I’m not justifying our decision or defending it, this just IS our decision. We’ve chosen not to breastfeed. Yes, a lot of women want to do it, and maybe some feel like they’re forced into it because people automatically assume that a woman is going to just breasfeed. This is just not for me, or for us. First, the thought of it just stresses me out beyond a normal person’s stress level should be when it comes to thinking about it. Yes, it’s the “best” way to feed a child, blah blah blah. I was formula fed and I’m really not so bad off for it. I was a healthy child, almost never sick (hell, I couldn’t be sick even if I wanted to). I don’t really want to hear the assvice of breast is best. I get.it. This just isn’t something that will work for us. I’m ok with that. I don’t think that makes me a horrible parent to be. Both the meester and I are leaning towards this being our only child. Yes, this isn’t etched in stone, but after spending 20k on fertility treatments, we’re just not sure we want to do that again. Not because of the money aspect, but because of the emotional aspect. It far outweighs the cost of it all. So we’re going into this thinking this is it. The meester doesn’t want to miss out on feeding the fetus because he wants to be a part of this as well.

On that same note, I’m not really bitching about formula costs either. I know it’s expensive. However, I think everyone who’s expecting their first is allowed to freak out because there’s just all of this STUFF that needs to be taken care of. I don’t assume we’ll get it from a shower, hell, I don’t even think I’ll have a shower. I’d rather just think that we’ll have to take care of it ourselves. It helps us to prepare better that way I think. That way, there are no surprises.

I understand that a lot of women breastfeed and want to, but don’t assume that everyone will because it’s just not for everyone. I think that needs to be respected.

And now I’ll sleep better.

{ 20 comments }

ttcnumber1 September 4, 2006 at 12:49 pm

I believe that you have to do what is best for you and your family. If you are too stressed out about breastfeeding, it won’t work anyway.

Good luck :)

girl September 4, 2006 at 12:53 pm

speaking of a shower, you need to get your ass in gear and register online for all of us people that live on the other side of country that would like to get the fetus a gift. :) just put all of the non-gender specific things up there so no one gets any ideas. ;)

MsPrufrock September 4, 2006 at 12:59 pm

I cannot stand the militant breastfeeding brigade. Not only do they get on the case of women like you who know they do not want to breastfeed from the off, but they are all up in my face and I’ve tried the fucking thing. Grr…I hate them, and I hate breastfeeding. You know, for me. I’ll add that so they don’t hunt me down and whip me with large prosthetic boobs or something.

Lori September 4, 2006 at 1:20 pm

The assumption that you even have to try it first and “fail” at it to be justified in formula feeding irritates me to no end.

Camille September 4, 2006 at 4:11 pm

I agree with everyone else. I was formula fed as a baby, and just like you I turned out fine and was hardly sick as a child or as an adult. Whereas my husband was breastfed and was sick A LOT!

Merrin September 4, 2006 at 5:12 pm

Even if I could birth my own kid, I totally wouldn’t breastfeed. It’s just not right for me. In other weirdness, there are A LOT of adoptive parents who induce lactation so they won’t miss out on the “total experience”. That so very much creeps me out.

isabel September 4, 2006 at 5:14 pm

Stand strong, sister!

Erin September 4, 2006 at 6:43 pm

My daughter has been formula fed from day 1. Breastfeeding wasn’t for me, either. I tried, failed, and I’m fine with it.

If I do have another baby, she’ll be formula fed as well. Breast might be best for some, but not for everyone.

millie September 4, 2006 at 8:53 pm

Totally your choice about the formula thing. I’m not sure it’s your choice about the shower/gift thing. I think you might get outnumbered. ;)

robyn September 5, 2006 at 6:13 am

My first one dropped below birth weight at 5 weeks old because my milk turned to water consistancy and lost all nutritional value. My second one turned out to be lactose intolerant and breastmilk was the equivalent of taking a bicycle pump to his intestines. It was a miserable experience for them, and me, and darn-near could have killed my oldest child until I got a nurse to listen to me. Enfamil LIPIL saw them both through the baby days just fine. And they have about 1/10th the colds and allergies their breast-fed counterparts on their respective birth groups had. If you know from the start it’s not for you, then the lactivists can just shut it. It’s not a magical fairy-tale experience. It’s life.

Don’t force us to create a registry for you.

Lisa in NJ September 5, 2006 at 7:31 am

I’m with you on the formula. I tried to breast feed my son, but it turns out he had a serious milk allergy that they didn’t find till he was 6 months old. So everytime I fed him, he would puke. I put him on soy formula at 3 weeks old. So he had 3 weeks of breast milk. The breast didn’t do him any good. He’s got alleiges out the butt, and asthma to boot. So you do what you feel is best.

Fawn September 5, 2006 at 11:22 am

Newborn babies take all their cues from mom, so if you are trying to breastfeed (which is hard to do even when you are 100% in the game) when you have absolutely no interest in doing so,what you are doing is stressing that baby out.I never understood why the “breast is best” people would want that for a new baby. What is really BEST for a baby is to have a happy,content mom. It makes for a happy and content baby. There are a million reasons why breast feeding just doesn’t work out for people but the only reason you need is that you don’t want to. People really need to learn how to mind their own business,it’s a full time job.

girl September 5, 2006 at 11:33 am

I was only on the boob for a week before I had to go on soy for a milk allergy and my mom had to go into the hospital b/c she had post-birth complications that I won’t scare you with. :P I don’t have milk allergies now, though. I guess that’s just a baby thing?

Kathy September 5, 2006 at 3:09 pm

It bugs me to no end when people say their little comments about breastfeeding. Even when people said things to me about it and I was breastfeeding.. I felt like screaming “BACK OFF”. People love to get on the boob train and ride every stop no matter what you choose.

Its a personal choice, just like evrything else. Its your body, your kid and your life.

The End.

Ari September 5, 2006 at 3:42 pm

Hey my wife is expecting and i agree with you, no one should question your choice and it is your choice just like its my wife’s.

linda September 5, 2006 at 10:20 pm

Oh, everytime I say I want a c-section I incite the wrath of the militant vag-birth women…and I tell you…that to give birth scares the beejeezus out of me. Pushing something the size of a watermelon out of a hole the size of a lemon is not my idea of what I want to do to my pelvic floor. I am totally in for a c-section and I know I’m going to catch a rash of shit for saying that.

So I totally get where you’re coming from. Do what is best for you and your meester. You’re tough enough to twart off anyone that says you ought to breast feed. :-)

missy September 6, 2006 at 9:07 am

Oh my god, do not get me started on the boob nazis. Like you, we (meaning Isi and I) knew long before we were going to give birth that we wanted to formula feed. We had our own reasons, but mostly because I wanted him to take part in feeding our kid. Don’t let anyone try to push you into something else, especially the breast nazis at the hospital or the boob-brigade you’ll meet afterwards.

Chris September 6, 2006 at 9:40 am

Do what you think is right. That’s all anyone can expect.

Meira Voirdire September 6, 2006 at 9:54 am

Wow. From what seemed to be a “do what you feel is right, as will I” sort-of post, there sure is a lot of hate floating around the comments . . .

Kevin Donahue September 7, 2006 at 8:34 am

I suppose this goes double for the Meester, right? He’s not breastfeeding either?

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