The goiter

by statia on August 7, 2006

Since I’ve become the human incubator, I’ve grown what I like to call the “little dog goiter”. The little dog goiter attaches itself to me at night whilst I sweat profusely. I’ve always been a hot sleeper, but apparently, I wasn’t warm enough for her until recently, because she never slept next to me until now. Getting rid of the goiter is damn near impossible as she’s like rubber cement. I push her away several times a night, but she slingshots right back to me, which is annoying because not only does this 10 pound sack of ham take up more of the bed than the meester and I combined, I can’t move out of my own damp sweat outline, which is kinda gross.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining at all. I just think that many of the side effects pertaining to “it” are kind of funny. That and I don’t really want to complain about the not so funny ones like “the ick” and green soft serve. Because I consider myself pretty lucky to not be puking my guts up with 40lb rocks in my colon.

{ 12 comments }

Beth August 7, 2006 at 1:40 pm

I am laughing so hard I am crying Statia. I have a dog goiter too and I swear that bastard has selected the center of my back as hit point of attachment. Oh no, it gets worse. This dog has the worst flatulence in recorded history. So I sweat, and then wake up choking on ass funk. Thanks for making me laugh.

jen August 7, 2006 at 1:58 pm

Well, all I can say is that one dog goiter is waaay better than 2 long-haired cat goiters…

:o )

geeky August 7, 2006 at 4:08 pm

being pregnant sounds like a blast. glad you’re finding the humor in it. how are those elastic pants?

girl August 7, 2006 at 5:30 pm

I’ve had major sleep sweat over the past month or so. I’m going to get one of those Cool Max mattress covers and hope it helps.

Shanna August 8, 2006 at 10:25 am

When I was pregnant I had the cat goiter, only there were 3 of them via for room on my lap. Thankfully they aren’t allowed in the bedroom or there would not have been room on the bed for all of us. ;) So happy for you, by the way.

Faith August 8, 2006 at 10:44 am

Um, “green soft serve”? Nope. Not even gonna ask. Forget I brought it up again.

Why is it that the little dogs (possibly the big ones, too…I have a little one, so I can’t say for sure) always manage to wanna lay on us/become part of us when we are most hot and sweaty? Mine does it when I’m trying to cool down on the sofa after cooking dinner in the 85 degree kitchen at my house. Makes me INSANE!!

Donna August 8, 2006 at 12:14 pm

Lately I’ve been swimming in a sweaty bed too. I’d like to think it was Friendship Sweat for you, Statia, but damn it I think its just menopause creeping up my ass.

Mel August 8, 2006 at 12:24 pm

Very funny post. And making me think twice about getting a dog. At least in the summer… In winter it could be quite nice.

fertilityfauxpas August 9, 2006 at 5:33 am

This was a problem for me too until I became completely addicted to The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic Channel. That Cesar Milan is a bad ass.

Micaela August 9, 2006 at 7:25 am

I am 11 weeks pregnant, and my cat is acting very strangely to me. She alternates between affectionate and randomly biting me. I think it must be some new hormone smell I’m putting off. Anyone else experience this? And by the way, not to jinx anything, but you sound pregnant as hell, with full-blown symptoms. Good for you!

Micaela August 9, 2006 at 7:25 am

I am 11 weeks pregnant, and my cat is acting very strangely to me. She alternates between affectionate and randomly biting me. I think it must be some new hormone smell I’m putting off. Anyone else experience this? And by the way, not to jinx anything, but you sound pregnant as hell, with full-blown symptoms. Good for you!

waiting line August 9, 2006 at 10:12 am

hilarious (and gross)!!!

I just got back from Hawaii and am catching up on your posts! “It” sounds like “a box of chocolates” – you never know what you’re going to get (in your nose, panties or otherwise!). :-)

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