Arguing with myelf.

by statia on August 25, 2006

At the grocery store on Wednesday:

Me: Oooooooh look, Mt. Rainier cherries!!
Brain: Dude, you KNOW how your digestive systems handles those things. Step away from the cherries. We don’t do the cherries well.
Me: But I love the cherries, they’re so good and they’re fruit. The fetus needs fruit. I can’t live on Cheetos for the next 6 months.
Brain: There’s 48 million other fruits out there and really, are Cheetos that bad? It’s cheese! Cheese is good.
Me: I want the cherries and god dammit, I’m getting these fucking cherries. Maybe it won’t be so bad if I only eat a few at a time.
Brain: You stop at just a few? Whatever, bitch, don’t come whining to me when you’re hating life post cherries.

Last night:
Me: Ooooooh my gooooooooooooooooooood why do I buy those things? I feel like a Macy’s day float.
Brain: Where do I insert the I told you so?
Me: You just have to rub it in don’t you? The pain. Someone get me a straw to jab into my side and release the gas.
Brain: Maybe next time you’ll learn.
Me: I can’t even fart the gas is so jam packed in there. It won’t even come out.
Brain: Have fun sleeping tonight.
Me: Whore.

Why do they make Mt. Ranier cherries taste so good if they wreak such havoc on your system?


MsPrufrock August 25, 2006 at 12:41 pm

I’ve seen those things over here and wondered what they were. Uh, cherries from Mt Ranier no doubt, but I’d never heard of them before. I’ll use this as a warning to stay away.

donna August 25, 2006 at 12:49 pm

Oh those things are sooooo good. I’m sorry that they don’t agree with you. But I probably would have done the same thing, even knowing how I’d pay for them later.

tricia August 25, 2006 at 1:27 pm

I swear to God, the whole time I read that post I thought you were talking to some guy named Brian.

girl August 25, 2006 at 2:47 pm

I should have sent you some Gas-X with that shower gel.

Kathy August 25, 2006 at 5:42 pm

I love it when you call yourself a whore.

Jenn August 25, 2006 at 6:09 pm

I heart cherries.

Reason 12101 not to be a nurse: When a patient is in pain from gas, sometimes we insert a rectal tube to, uh, vent it out.

geeky August 25, 2006 at 6:56 pm

tricia, you’re not the only one. i got to the end thinking “who the fuck is Brian?”

Donna August 25, 2006 at 7:25 pm

Yeah, this Brian guy is pretty harsh. This happens to me when I eat apricots, which I also love.

Jennifer August 25, 2006 at 8:20 pm

“I can’t even fart the gas is so jam packed in there.”

HA HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHA! HA HA! I can’t stop laughing! HA HA! HA!!

robyn August 25, 2006 at 9:13 pm

Been there with N. Got the t-shirt. Bought the second bag the next time we were at the store anyway…

thalia August 26, 2006 at 2:22 am

They’re delicious, and I have to say I’ve never had this effect. I’m sorry you’re suffering, but nearly out of the first trimester? Yaay!

girl August 26, 2006 at 6:08 am

I don’t even know what they are. The only cherries I’ve eaten in the last 10 years were from a jar. My parents have some sort of unidentifiable cherry tree in their yard that’s been there since my grandparents lived in the house (my stepdad has scoured all of the tree books and can’t find it anywhere, but the fucking birds and squirrels usually get all of them before we get a chance to enjoy them.

Chris August 26, 2006 at 9:31 am

I’ve had cherries but never that specific variety. You haven’t exactly sold me on them ;-)

waiting line August 26, 2006 at 11:32 am

LOL!! Sorry you’re in pain, but the dialogue, conflict, “I told ya so,” and gas pain is just too much!

I hope it “passes” soon! :-)

SJW August 27, 2006 at 2:22 pm

Oh.My.God. I am SO with you on the Rainier-induced gas situation. Must be our Shamole digestive systems… or the fact that you’re pregnant and everything I put in my mouth makes me fuckin’ FAHT!

geeky August 28, 2006 at 6:46 am

ok, so i read this on friday and thought “man, i’m so glad i don’t do that to myself”. and then this weekend i ate all 3 things that i KNOW upset my stomach, AT THE SAME TIME, and paid for it by staying up with a stomach ache all night saturday. i am retarded.

Faith August 28, 2006 at 11:58 am

ANY cherries of any kind do this to me as well. No matter how many I eat (but then again, can I say I can only sit down and limit myself to just 5 at a time? No I cannot.), I always get SO FILLED UP WITH AIR that I want to DIE. Get that? Death would be preferable to the pain I go through from eating cherries!

But I love them so!

And I’m not even prego. I can only imagine what they would do to me if my uterus was busy digesting a small being at the same time that my stomach was trying to digest the cherries. Holy crap.

Deltus August 29, 2006 at 12:43 pm

Get yourself a rectal tube. Simply insert until you hit the gas pocket, and open the valve, and AAAAHHHHHH!!!!

Not that I have a rectal tube or anything. But my mother-in-law was in the hospital, and the gas was building up so much her stomach was swelling. One of the older nurses came in, said, “If a doctor asks, you say NOTHING”, and did this. The smell was atrocious, but you could SEE the swelling in the tummy go down.

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