About those pants….

by statia on August 4, 2006

The faggy elastic pants are now in the house. My jeans were weeping softly everytime they had to fit over my fat ass. Time of death: 8w3d. I felt like an asshole walking into a maternity store to buy pants when I’m barely pregnant, but comfort is comfort at this stage of the game and I while work is casual, it’s not track pants casual. I froze when they asked me a due date. A DUE DATE!! Like, lady, you’re awfully optimistic aren’t you? To tell you the truth, I have a very vague idea, since Dr. Pompy is about as cautious as I am. We don’t speak of such things while he’s wanding me.

One of the things that the books tell you about is increased mucous and let me tell you, they haven’t told you the half of it. You might as well hook a tap up to my nose because this is out of control. This is like winning the lottery for Miss M., who loves to rape my nose with her tongue. Also, the meester asked me today if my sense of smell was increased and I have to say, it is, but it’s really nothing like I thought it was. I figured I’d have the nose of a basset hound, but so far, I can’t track the scent of any serial killer that I know of. Though, how the hell I can smell anything with the liquid snot running out of my nose like Niagara Falls is nothing short of a miracle.

{ 10 comments }

ciz August 4, 2006 at 9:47 pm

keep the laughs coming !!
you are killing me with stories……. i cant wait to see this kid :)
i hope you guys are having a fun time with all of this

MsPrufrock August 5, 2006 at 4:20 am

I went to a maternity clothing store before I was showing. The sales assistants kept looking at my midsection and I found it really unnerving.

As for the snot, I hear ya. I mentioned it in a post months ago, as I was completely ambushed by the snot. It’s one of pregnancy’s most romantic side effects.

Lori August 5, 2006 at 5:30 am

When I went in to make my first purchase at a real maternity store (rather than covertly at a big all-purpose store), the woman asked if I wanted to participate in some program to start saving for college! I nearly trickle peed myself on the spot.
The snot thing is a bit out of control over here as well.

geeky August 5, 2006 at 7:34 am

ok, the snot thing is new to me. i’ll add that to my list of reasons while i’ll be having puppies and not kids.

amy t. August 5, 2006 at 11:25 am

Having your sense of smell change is something I can identify with. When I quit smoking that shit happened to me like whoa. It really freaked me out. I already kinda had a heightened sense of smell. Taking me off the carcinogens made it scary sensitive.

Jenaside August 5, 2006 at 11:51 am

I never had the snot issue. (I’ve had two kids.) Maternity stores freak me out. What freaks me out even more is when you are definitely showing and people come up to you all the time to ask you questions or give you advice. I feel like telling them, “Could I have a little privacy while I’m shopping please?”

donna August 6, 2006 at 7:47 am

Oh the mucous… from the nose and other regions, is disgusting.

Someone pointed me in the direction of Bella Bands to expand the shelf life of pre-pregnancy jeans and pants, and to tighten up some loose maternity clothes. If you google them, you’ll find plenty of online sites that sell them. They gave me about 3 extra weeks in my jeans.

stephanie August 7, 2006 at 7:52 am

wear what is comfortable! I am always in maternity clothes by 10 weeks. and maternity stroes suck. I do all my maternity shopping online.

Teresa August 7, 2006 at 1:48 pm

This is one of the reasons why I think you are so fantastic-you use words like ‘faggy’….hee, hee.

jadedju August 7, 2006 at 9:44 pm

Ack! I stop reading blogs for a bit and look what happens!! I’m ecstatic for you both! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

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