week 7 is killing me slowly

by statia on July 27, 2006

This week has me on edge. The tentative week 7 makes me nervous. There are so many horror stories of people losing a baby post heartbeat (3-5% risk of miscarriage my ass, who the hell comes up with these odds?) that I find myself saying things like “please don’t die” and “I wonder if it’s still alive.” Debbie Downer will never let you down. I’d like to be somewhat niave and think I’ll wake up day 1 of the second trimester and be all “HOORAY, I’M NEVER WORRYING AGAIN.” Shut up it could happen.

With that in mind, I’ve made myself a mental list of the things I won’t do if “it” stays put (see? notice I didn’t say die. Baby steps, people, baby steps):

I will NOT buy a fetal doppler – If that’s what blows your dress up, then you go ahead and have fun. Personally, I think they’re frivolous and quite frankly, I’m neurotic enough. I really don’t need anything else to feed that.

I will not buy What to Expect When You’re Expecting – I don’t know who the hell calls this the bible, but they’re crazy. This book is the biggest piece nazi pregnancy propaganda ever. I don’t need to feel guilted about eating a candy bar when it’s the only thing that sounds remotely appealing to me.

I will not refer to “it” by a cutesy name like peanut or puddin’ – Yes, yes, I will eventually stop calling it “it” if I get that far. Probably sooner than you think too, but I just can’t get on board with cutesy names like that. Also? NO WIRE HANGERS. (Because I know by this point, you think I paint my eyebrows on in a permanent angry surprised mode and that this child will be starved for affection).

I will not put one of those stupid ticklers on my site. Well, unless maybe if it’s one of these.

Things I have not yet stopped doing:

Obsessive checking of the underwear and toilet paper.
Boob Mashing
Looking for the 9,538,209 symptoms that I might or might not have.

4 more days until the next ultrasound at exactly 8 weeks.



amy July 27, 2006 at 2:40 pm

Umm…I like the ticker. I read about oh, a million blogs daily and have a hard time remembering. Maybe we can make one that says, 252 days till I stop losing my mind over one thing and start worrying about others?

fran July 27, 2006 at 2:46 pm

what’s boob mashing? are there any potatoes involved in that? how about gravy? maybe garlic?

Jenn July 27, 2006 at 3:12 pm

I had to laugh because I still check the toilet paper.

Heather July 27, 2006 at 3:59 pm

I don’t think I will EVER stop checking the toilet paper! Also, I am well into month 5 and still worry as much as you do. And, a good book is the Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy..no propaganda there.

Teresa July 27, 2006 at 6:15 pm

Oh how I feel for you! My symptoms varied wildly with both my pregnancies, and honestly there was never not a day of worry. When I think back, sometimes all I can remember was checking toilet paper and mashing boobs (all the time, all the time!).

And you are right-DO NOT get that stupid book. I browsed through it once, and I am quite sure it was written by a single male in his 60s. Ditto on a fetal monitor-Google is bad enough to feed worries.

Donna July 27, 2006 at 6:32 pm

Hey Statia, I have that Mayo Clinic book, do you want it?

girl July 27, 2006 at 8:01 pm

I’ve heard that Jenny McCarthy’s (sp?) book is actually a pretty humorous and honest read about pregnancy. I was told it was a good, bad, and ugly thing when it comes to pregnancy and nothing like all of the other typical books.

OSteff July 27, 2006 at 8:15 pm

Its really ok to be doing what you are doing, the worry never goes away and that What to expect book…should be burned! I swore I had everything I read in that book!

Linda July 27, 2006 at 8:36 pm

Those tickers are awesome. I can see myself using a number of them. I can’t believe you’re at 8 weeks. Jesus christ. You go right ahead and keep mashing those boobs. Heck. There could be a ticker for that…

akeeyu July 27, 2006 at 9:19 pm

That book is a goddamned fucking piece of shit. Er, I meant to say “I don’t care for it at all.”

Heather’s right. Mayo Clinic Pregnancy book, all the way. It’s not reactionary and stupid, and it won’t talk down to you. It does weigh eightyfive million pounds, of course, but it’s worth it.

donna July 28, 2006 at 5:56 am

I agree with everyone, the Mayo Clinic Guide is sooooooo much better than WTEWYE. I hate that piece of crap book.

Also, just for later, the best book I found on breastfeeding, if you are interested in such a topic, is called So THAT’S What They’re For. It’s very funny and informative. Preachy like all books on breastfeeding are, but not as bad as others I’ve read.

Mollywogger July 28, 2006 at 6:12 am

I decided that What To Expect was a piece of shit when I read the sentence that goes something like, “Once a week, give yourself a special treat like a fruit-juice sweetened bran muffin.”


Chris July 28, 2006 at 7:07 am

Hang in there. I know, I know..I”m a guy so I don’t know what I’m talking about.

fertilityfauxpas July 28, 2006 at 7:25 am

Keep on mashing those boobs, but it sounds to me like mother nature is fucking with you by giving you a completely symptom free first trimester. I know a lot of women would love for that to happen to them, but I know how much more worrying it causes. In the meantime, maybe you could design a freak-out ticker measured in blood pressure points. I know I could use one of those.

Tracy July 28, 2006 at 8:03 am

I obviously missed the boat on “What to Expect” because I *only* read the “what to expect” part for each month. I completely ignored the diet thing. (I ate mashed potatoes and gravy and drank coke for 9 months. With caffiene even. And, lo and behold, my munchkin was fine).

SHOULD I get pregnant again, I’d probably just opt for some online resource rather than a book, becuase all I cared about was what I’d be feeling and what the baby was up to.

stephanie July 28, 2006 at 8:27 am

Hang in there. I personally wish there were sedatives for 4-14 weeks!

and what to expect… is the WORST book ever. I threw mine out after MC#1.

millie July 28, 2006 at 8:32 am

Julie’s tickers are just the best.

And NO WIRE HANGERS should be the standard for everyone. All the time.

Hope you get continued good news on your next us.

randi July 28, 2006 at 8:50 am

I had “The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy” and it was hilarious. The author tells it how it is and it’s not nearly as medical and scary as some of the other books, especially “What To Expect…”
Rachel from Friends read “The Girlfriend’s Guide” as well when she was pregnant on the show! :)

Zuly July 28, 2006 at 9:24 am

wanna mash my boobs for a change?

Mel July 28, 2006 at 9:36 am

I think I checked the toilet paper right up until the day I delivered. Welcome to carefree-post-IF pregnancy.

Congratulations! Hope you have a great ultrasound this week.

Erin July 28, 2006 at 12:10 pm

That book sucks. “Your Pregnancy Week by Week” isn’t too bad, but with all the crap online, you don’t really need a book. I’d love to send you mine if you want it.

The cutesy names are stupid. It’s a baby for christ sake.

robyn July 28, 2006 at 6:15 pm

Heh, I blogged “no more wire hangers” a day before you did! ;-p What to Expect makes for good paper weights. The Girlfriends Guide was much more my speed as well. Although I did rent a doppler. With both. For the main reason, I wanted their heartbeats recorded for all-time (you can hook the digital ones up to your computer) — listening to them still gives me goosebumples. But then I also had a cutsey name like “bebe” (said in the South Park voice of course).

S. August 2, 2006 at 7:29 am

I run a website, Babes in Blogland, that lists ttc, expecting, and new-parent bloggers to help us all find one another. I’ve added your site to the blogroll. If you need me to correct any information or if you would like for me to remove the link, please let me know.

Thank you and congratulations.

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