rattle my squizzle, yo.

by statia on May 8, 2006

My cousin Tricia is graduating from college. First of all, HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE? I remember when she was born for chrissakes. Now she’s graduating college? For those of you who are new here, my cousin used to blog, but stopped last summer when she entered her senior year. It just got to be too much for her.

I remember when she told me where she was attending school. It went something like this:

her: I’ve decided to go University of New England in Maine.
me: The one all the way up in bumfuck?
her: Yeah, it’ll be cool. it’s a small school right on the ocean.
me: Don’t come bitching to me in the winter when it’s 40 times more cold because you’re on the ocean. Retard.

Oh and how she would bitch every year about how cold it was and oh how I would tell her I told her so every year when she bitched about how cold it was.

She’s looking at moving to Arizona for a year before she heads to grad school (grad school! my baby cousin!), but I’m trying to convince her to move here. Sunny, warm, California, where, she, who loves the water, won’t be landlocked. I need you Californians to convince her why she should enjoy her year off here.


coloratura May 8, 2006 at 4:02 pm

One word: you.

Waiting Line May 8, 2006 at 8:18 pm

Arizona SUCKS compared to California — and especially compared to Northern Cal!

Take it from me. I live in Phoenix. It will be pure landlocked, blazin’ hot hell here! Ahhhh, and yet I call it home. (Just the cost of living winning the debate there, but probably not for long.)

Has your cousin been to California?! Why chose AZ over Cali? . . . maybe she’s got a love interest in this lovely desert? ;-)

Mona May 8, 2006 at 8:50 pm

There’s no doubt about California having the best weather coz I live in the bayarea, California. Went to DC where my butt froze off just standing a few secs outside last year. Woo first time I commented, I love reading your blog! I just started reading yr blog recently and I just want to let u know that you’re funny and awesome!

akeeyu May 8, 2006 at 10:13 pm

Goodness, who could resist the magical draw of California’s freeways? Every day on 101 is an adventure! Will you get shot at? Will you get hit by a drunk driver? Will you die of old age and/or boredom during rush hour?

Wait, wait, is my bitterness showing? Crap.

(furtively rearranges skirts)

Well, there are all those nice nudie beaches in California. I guess that’s a plus.

geeky May 9, 2006 at 5:26 am

if she doesn’t take you up on it, can i move out to california?

Helen May 9, 2006 at 5:28 am

“rattle my squizzle, yo”

Has someone been mixing the blue pills and the red pills again?

Ari May 9, 2006 at 8:25 am

We miss your cousins blog, she left without a trace. Glad to hear she is doing well and is mixing it up a bit int terms of the country..

ciz May 9, 2006 at 9:01 am

so cal is better !!!!

Jen-Again May 9, 2006 at 9:50 am

Since she will be taking a year off, and probably not working a regular 9-5, the traffic should be less of an issue. in its place I offer:

1) Nearness to mighty Pacific ocean- not a warm ocean, but beautiful.

2) Nearness to Yosemite- amazing mountains and redwoods, camping (or not!), different in every season and worth a visit in each of them to see.

3) You want cold? Drive 3 hours to Tahoe and go skiing.

4) San Francisco- crazy people, crwoded, kinda dirty, but great food, interesting neighborhoods. You could spend a weekend just walking through the city and seeing the details of the neighborhoods that get missed when you just drive to the tourist spots. Lots of walking tours and especially nice ones by Friends of the Urban Forest : http://www.fuf.net/education/tree_tours.html

5) North Bay! Sausalito, Stinson Beach, Muir Woods!

6) South Bay! Santa Cruz, Monterey, Carmel, not to mention wonderful warm evenings in Campbell, Los Gatos, Saratoga.

7) Food! Pick a culture- their food is represented… Vietnamese, Thai, Laotian, Mexican, Peruvian, French, California cousine, Nepalese, Ethiopian, Chinese, Japanese, and all the regulars. Cooked by actual people from whichever culture you choose in most cases.

8) Wine Country! Napa and Sonoma of course, but also Healdsburg and Santa Cruz Mountains.

9) Being situated in the middle of the West Coast, so driveable trips to So Cal, and No Cal are doable. Cheap flights to Seattle and Vancouver leave many times a day.

10) YOU!!!!!

So, maybe you can’t tell that I am a die hard Bay Area girl (originally from Oklahoma, and OH SO GLAD that my mother decided that the two of us should start anew out here), and would argue to the end about how great our area is.

I know- the cost, the traffic- beh, whatever. Even with all the rain recently we are warmer and sunnier than most of the country, with so much around us to explore if only we take the time.

Jonathan May 9, 2006 at 11:06 am

I’m not a Californian (yet anyway), but I think the most obvious argument for why she should move is… so you can corrupt her in ways she never imagined possible.

Plus, I bet she can kick your ass by now.

Helen May 9, 2006 at 11:47 am

OK, I realized you needed arguments to help her move there. So how about this:

1) Tricia, Statia needs you. Bad. Oh sure, she looks all together but she’s susceptible as hell. I mean, did you see her wedding photos? Did you? Girlfriend went all “I’m in an island nation with the Meeester” and, along with an absolutely lovely dress, she had CORNROWS. That’s right. CORNROWS (it really had to be capped, honestly.) She went native and the natives cringed. She needs you to show her that some fashion statements are wrong and I-no! Statia! Put DOWN those rainbow striped leg warmers, don’t make me come over there!-think you should carry on this life work.

2) That said, no one can work over a Sephora and an Ulta like Statia. Go there with her once and understand that bath bubbles can come in a plastic faux-gallon tub and they can be GOOD.

3) Two words: drinking buddy.

4) One word: G-Man (no it’s one wod, the hyphen doesn’t cout).

5) I understand that in Arizona, men like to give it up the ass. That kicks reasons 1-4 right out of the picture.

Amyesq May 9, 2006 at 12:06 pm

Dude. I don’t want to, like, go off on people from Arizona or anything, but you DO know that CA is their favorite vacation spot. So think about it. If you have two choices, and you can either move to Place A or to the place to which everyone from Place A escapes for vacation when Place A becomes too unbearable, where would you go? There is still the sunshine (though admittedly more in So.Cal. where I live) but there is also the beach, a milder climate, real culture, cool people like Statia and Me, and lots of job opportunities.

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