When all we wanted was the dream, to have and to hold that precious little thing…..

by statia on April 5, 2006

I can’t express what I’m feeling now. I think the Meester summed it up better than I could have. This is the part I’ve always hated about fertility treatments. The part I tried so fucking hard to avoid this time around, but unfortunately, it was unavoidable. The feelings of bitterness and anger. The feeling of feeling so hollow inside. Feeling like you’ve been stabbed in the heart. I’m just stumped right now.

I want to thank all of you for the tremendous outpouring of support through all of this. Especially yesterday. I know it’s always hard to know what to say, but we both appreciate ever single one of the comments that you’ve left.

Right now, the only thing I want to do is sleep.

{ 25 comments }

paige April 5, 2006 at 12:27 pm

I came over via April @ UCC…..
not sure what to say but I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your husband.

Amy April 5, 2006 at 12:32 pm

I read his entry and commented over there, too. I am just so sorry you guys are going through this. It’s awful. I think sleep is probably what the doctor ordered for today. Get some rest… sure wish I could give you a hug!!!

robyn April 5, 2006 at 12:42 pm

I love you.

Mrs. T April 5, 2006 at 12:54 pm

Get some rest. Thinking of you as always. This just sucks on so many levels!

Lisa April 5, 2006 at 12:59 pm

Love you, hon. I wish I could offer help or something. Instead I mailed you chocolate.

Merrin April 5, 2006 at 1:48 pm

Chocolate, sleep…both good. The Texas contigent has you both in our thoughts.

Ornery April 5, 2006 at 3:10 pm

Just read the meester’s post and I’m just so brokenhearted for the two of you. I’m thinking of you and wishing desperately that there was something-ANYTHING-I could do to make the pain stop. Please take good care of yourself.

thalia April 5, 2006 at 3:34 pm

Sleep is ok. DO what you need. Your meester seems like a smart guy, I’m glad you are there for each other.

DD April 5, 2006 at 3:38 pm

I’m very sorry this happened. Really and truly…

Heather April 5, 2006 at 4:27 pm

I just came across your blog, and I just wanted to say how incredibly sorry I am that this happened. All of this is truly unfair, and although I haven’t gone through IVF (yet), I can understand what you are feeling. Hope you get some rest.

Beth April 5, 2006 at 5:05 pm

Sleep is a good thing. You are both in my thoughts.

Lori April 5, 2006 at 5:25 pm

I just read the Meester’s blog and I’m just so sad you are both having to deal with this. Sleep is a good thing.
You’re in my thoughts.

skits April 5, 2006 at 5:34 pm

Sleep. Do whatever you need to do. Love you bunches, S.

jenny April 5, 2006 at 6:20 pm

I love your Meester’s post, what a fab man you have. Again, I am so sorry.

Donna April 5, 2006 at 6:23 pm

Follow the clues your body and mind are giving you. If that means sleep, or vast amounts of alcohol, or ice cream, or throwing pillows against the wall as hard as you can. The Meester’s post broke my heart.

Mary Scarlet April 5, 2006 at 7:03 pm

Oh Statia, I’m so sorry, I didn’t see your blog yesterday, and I’m just gutted by the news. I know how shit it feels. I’m thinking of you both.

geeky April 5, 2006 at 7:27 pm

i’d give you that chocolate island if i could find one…

Christine April 5, 2006 at 8:51 pm

I’ve debated about treatments myself, and I think that feeling is what I fear the most. I’m so sorry you’re having to go through this. I feel the same as everyone else – sleep, rest, be angry … do what you need to do.

Stephanie April 6, 2006 at 6:43 am

Statia-i wish i had words to take away some of the pain. this is all so fing unfair. you are in my thoughts. i am so sorry.

Stephanie April 6, 2006 at 12:20 pm

Sleep, cry and eat chocolate…that’s what got me through the worst of days. IVF sucks, and hardly anyone I know had it work the first time. Your husband described it perfectly – you start out so excited, convinced that all this scientific stuff just HAS to work. But keep at it, it still may work for you.

Lut C. April 6, 2006 at 12:31 pm

I’m so sorry it didn’t work. I’m sorry you have to go through deep disappointment again.

P. April 6, 2006 at 4:08 pm

I am so sorry. My thoughts are with you.

Camille April 6, 2006 at 7:05 pm

thinking of you…

girl April 6, 2006 at 9:35 pm

ugh. this wasn’t what I wanted to read when I came home. I’m so incredibly bummed for you, hon. however, this is absolutely not the end of the road, by a long shot. we’re all rooting for you every step of the way!

wessel April 7, 2006 at 4:28 am

I haven’t been around much so am catching up on my blog reading. I am so very sorry, Statia. I know it is hard to resist, but please don’t start thinking that this “means something,” a wicked message from the Universe about your right to be a mother. It doesn’t mean anything at all, except that it didn’t work.

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