Saying nothing at all

by statia on April 14, 2006

I know I’ve been quiet, and I appreciate everyone checking in. I’d like to say that it’s because I’m off being busy doing things and being fine. But the truth is, I’m not fine. I feel bleak, tired, edgy, frustrated and overall, angry. I know I’m frustrating the meester. The last week has been hell on me. The bad news has been a crushing blow, topped off with work just being insanely busy. Lately, getting out of bed in the morning is a complete chore. They say history repeats itself. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.

I think it’s time for a meds increase.

{ 27 comments }

Lut C. April 15, 2006 at 2:21 am

I’m sorry to hear you’re hurting. Given the circumstances you’re doing an amazing job just by actually getting out of bed anyway and doing your work.

Lut C. April 15, 2006 at 2:23 am

Come to think of it, I’m not sorry to *hear* it, I’m sorry that it is the case.

Amy April 15, 2006 at 5:08 am

Give yourself a break, Statia… you SHOULD be feeling all of those things right now! Hell. I wonder if the work being insanely busy thing, though, is a gift in disguise – so you don’t have as much time to just sit and think and obsess. YK?

Hang in there and know you’ve got a whole lot of people thinking about you.

Mary Scarlet April 15, 2006 at 5:23 am

I’m thinking of you Statia.

donna April 15, 2006 at 6:05 am

I agree with Amy. Any distraction is good right now. OK, maybe not any distraction. I mean, now is not the time to begin training for that exciting career in the porn industry, or taking that Crack Dealing 101 class down at the junior college. But work and sleeping and shopping and moping seem to be normal and healthy.

Please take care of you. We are all thinking about you.

girl April 15, 2006 at 7:51 am

I’m in need of a meds increase myself. I nearly had a coronary at work last night over something incredibly stupid b/c I got so frustrated. it’s been awhile since I got so mad that I wanted to be destructive. so I’ll be calling my insurance company on Monday to see if I need another doctor override to increase my Adderall dosage. my fucking insurance company makes you jump through hoops to get C2′s.

Kevin Donahue April 15, 2006 at 8:14 am

Y’all have earned some down time. I wish I had something inspirational to say, but I don’t. Maybe it’s a good time to load up on Netflix and spend a weekend in bed.

millie April 15, 2006 at 8:41 am

Just wanted you to know I’m thinking of you. I think the devastation from failed cycles is just so horrible. Do what you can to take care of yourself and try not to be too hard on yourself. I highly recommend new pjs and lots of bad tv.

Lisa April 15, 2006 at 10:21 am

Thinking of the two of you.

thalia April 15, 2006 at 10:32 am

My memory of how I felt after the last failed cycle is unclear. I know it was awful, but I can’t remember what awful felt like. Or I guess I wouldn’t be about to do it again.

I’m sorry you’re in the bad place right now, and of course you are. Please don’t beat yourself up for being sad.

geeky April 15, 2006 at 10:59 am

no need to apologize to us.. you need to take care of you right now, and we all understand that!

Lori April 15, 2006 at 3:09 pm

I’m so sorry you’re in such a shitty place right now. Do what you need to do and we’ll still be here wishing there was some small way we could ease your pain if only for a moment. I’m thinking of you.

Donna April 15, 2006 at 4:08 pm

Maybe a mojito will help?

Molly April 16, 2006 at 12:57 pm

Oh, dearest. A few extra milligrams of your favorite Selective Seratonin Reuptake Inhibitor just may do the trick.

So sorry you’re feeling shitty. I’m thinking of you.

robyn April 16, 2006 at 8:40 pm

I love you.

Manuela April 16, 2006 at 9:43 pm

Oh, darlin’… I do so hear you. I’ve only sort-of snapped out of it because I got sick of hearing my own whining… but honestly… I’m still pretty much faking it.

If you want to talk…

debutaunt April 17, 2006 at 6:52 am

I agree with the Netflix and comfy jammies. I’m a big fan of ice cream too. Too bad my hips aren’t.

Take care, chica.

Chris April 17, 2006 at 7:49 am

There’s little I can say without soundling like an asshat peddling assvice. I will say this – things will get better. Darkest before the dawn and all that shit. Keep the faith.

Stephanie April 17, 2006 at 9:26 am

Statia, I really wish anything I said would actually help. My mom always says that there is a hill coming up after the valley. I hope your hill is very high indeed, you deserve it. thinking of you.

Teresa April 17, 2006 at 10:37 am

Wish I could say some magic words to make you feel better, but I know there are no such things. I need a med increase every spring, and that is without the hellish couple of weeks you have had. Take care of yourself as best you can.

Rob April 17, 2006 at 11:29 am

Don’t make me come over there and start making you do funnels of vodka. Seriously… I think I would have sex as much as humanly possible… just as a big fuck you to the powers that be. Err… maybe that’s a guy’s reaction. Oh well.

April April 17, 2006 at 2:32 pm

Thinking of you…

Camille April 17, 2006 at 7:05 pm

I think about you all the time…

Jenny April 18, 2006 at 6:38 am

Thinking of you and hoping that time is starting to heal.

Mrs. T April 18, 2006 at 9:25 am

Thinking of you and hoping you are doing ok…

Ornery April 18, 2006 at 10:04 am

I’ve been thinking a lot about you lately. You’re so fucking awesome and life is so fucking unfair. Up the meds, up the booze, do whatever you need to do.

Linda April 20, 2006 at 8:30 pm

sending you a big ((((hug)))). this ivf stuff stinks. i am glad, however, that you have embies on ice and have another chance at this. hang in there sweetie.

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