Stupid shit I did as a kid (or 5dp3dt)

by statia on March 30, 2006

Well I’m glad that you all had a good laugh at my expense. Yeah. Way to just laugh at a kid doomed to dorkdom. I see how it is. May you all have to wear guppy orphan shirts in a room full of illiterate old ladies.

All this talk about children and fucking them up the right way makes me try to remember my own childhood, which sadly seems as if it’s sliding out of my reach. Which totally will help when my kids tell their friends that I’m totally lame and “man, don’t they remember what it’s like to be their age?” No, I don’t, because see, the memory is the first to go and your great grandfather had alzheimers and well it’s hereditary so hahahaha, you’re kinda screwed now aren’t you?

About a year and a half before we moved to Pennsylvania, my Uncle Corky lived with us. Yes, that’s right, I have an Uncle Corky, no, he isn’t retarded….. but that could be debated. Crazy maybe. He was going to stay for like a month until he got back on his feet, but ended up building himself a room in our basement. As weird as this sounds, and as crazy as he is sometimes, I have to credit him for knocking my ass in line when my parents turned a blind eye to the fact that I didn’t do my homework and tried to pull things off like THROWING MY REPORT CARD BEHIND THE SOFA.

Anyway, my uncle had a son, who is a few years older than me. I always wanted to be like my cousin. He would stay with us during the summers and after my uncle moved in, he’d visit us pretty frequently on the weekends. This same cousin is also the one responsible for responsible for my broken arm in 4th grade. Another story for another day.

One fall weekend, my cousin had gotten the bright idea that it would be fun to play with matches. Me being the younger, more impressionable one, thought that anything that my cousin decided to do was a good idea. Did I mention that it was late fall? You know when the leaves are all brown and ON THE GROUND? Did I also mention that he thought this would be a grand idea in the small side yard that was oh, say 6 feet from our house? Yeah, so we’re out there, on the side of the house, with a bunch of swirling dead leaves, trying to set shit on fire. I hear this slight knocking and I look around and don’t see anything. I hear the knocking again, and freak out at two creepy beady eyes staring at us from my bedroom window. Uncle Corky totally busted us. Being the hard ass that he is, he made each of us write 300 times: I will not play with fire.

My days of playing with fire were pretty much over after that (save for the one time I set the kitchen garbage on fire). But I totally look back on that now and think, man. What the FUCK were we thinking??? Seriously. We could have burned down the house.

Let’s hear your stupid shit you did as a kid stories.

{ 18 comments }

M@ March 30, 2006 at 6:35 pm

My friend and I were breaking glass blocks out of an old abandon warehouse, when we got busted by the cops.

jen March 30, 2006 at 6:43 pm

I burned down a barn next to our house that contained two tractors and a hay baler. I was 11 and playing with a lighter that I snagged from my Dad. My parents taught me to never play with fire…but I am intrigued by fire….

It was August and extremely dry, and the barn was littered with hay (yeah I was a farm girl…) and POOF…up it went.

I will NEVER live that one down….eesh.

osteff March 30, 2006 at 7:01 pm

There is a pyro in every kid at one point…I burned my best friends little brothers big toe while try to light a little fire in woods so we could cook our fruit roll ups… :-)

You are wise to try to stay in touch with your own childhood while preparing to endure your childrens childhood!

That thought process makes you an awesome Mom all ready! Well, at least by my little book…

geeky March 30, 2006 at 7:13 pm

my brother had all the stupid ideas growing up, and i unfortunately got suckered into them sometimes. like when he thought we should color on the wall. and the time he thought it would be a good idea to tip our playschool kitchen on it’s back and fill the “oven” up with water. greeeeeeat idea.

luckily he carried out most of his stupid ideas without me. like the time he decided to chew up pretzels and spit them on the neighbors house. (my mom made him apologize to the neighbor, who had no idea what he was talking about. i wish i had seen the “wtf?” look on the neighbor’s face!) oh, and the time my brother and a friend decided to play with matches, and then stuff them up in the ceiling tiles, which began smoldering. and the time he put an apricot in the microwave so long it caught on fire and stunk up the whole house. have i mentioned my brother has ADD? i’ve got so many stories i could take up your whole blog!

girl March 30, 2006 at 7:53 pm

my memory really sucks too. I know I did a lot of stupid shit, but I can’t remember any of it at the moment. I’ll probably remember later when my Adderall kicks in, so I’ll get back to you.

robyn March 30, 2006 at 8:47 pm

My friend Jeri and I both got walkie talkies for Christmas one year (I think it was the 4th grade). One night instead of just talking to each other from our bedrooms, we realized we were getting CB conversations and decided to pick up truckers. Apparently one got pretty mad that we weren’t at the location we said we’d meet him at, and we got so scared at the way he was yelling at us that I told my mom. Who told my uncle. The cop. Good times…

z. hendirez March 31, 2006 at 2:01 am

Oh, where do you start?

1. Used to pick up bees by hand and toss them in cans of water. Note that I’m allergic to bee stings.

2. Poured water in the top of an operating TV set to “see what would happen” (Answer–the picture shrank to 1 cm in height. Oh, and I got grounded)

3. Jumped on detached storm windows. Managed to only get a slight cut when they shattered.

Good times.

Jenn March 31, 2006 at 5:53 am

My friend had the brillant idea to go into the woods in the fall and set a fire. Once it was about four feet in diameter, we panicked. Luckily we got it out in time.

Meester's Seester March 31, 2006 at 6:36 am

What was Uncle Corky doing in your bedroom?

Meester's Seester March 31, 2006 at 6:36 am

What was Uncle Corky doing in your bedroom?

Jenny March 31, 2006 at 6:51 am

Oh, I was a very bad girl. I used to send my little brother to the corner and back, wearing nothing but his bright red rubber boots, on his tricycle. I was 5yrs older and this amused my friends and I greatly. Looking back, he could have been taken or caught the eye of a pervert.
Since none of that happened, it’s still damn funny if you ask me.

amy t. March 31, 2006 at 7:42 am

I have stick straight hair, and my best friend when I was about 5 had curly hair. I decided it would be a good idea to cut all her curls off and tape them to my head so I could have curly hair. She agreed. Her mother did not, as she was the flower girl in a wedding that weekend and I’d practically cut all her hair off.

Oops.

Lenni March 31, 2006 at 7:47 am

On christmas eve my cousin and i used to sneak around trying to not go to sleep and stay up and catch santa. for some reason we figured if we were stepping on clothes and other things on the floor our parents wouldn’t hear us walking around. cause we’re not touching the floor, right?

Lori March 31, 2006 at 9:00 am

My evil friend convinced me that it would be fun to jump off her roof. Of course I went first. I was so stoopid I even did it a second time. I can’t imagine what anyone thought who may have been driving by at that point.
There was also a fire incident in the nearby woods involving the same evil friend.

Beth March 31, 2006 at 1:33 pm

I never did anything stupid as a child. Nope, sure didn’t.

Candy March 31, 2006 at 7:03 pm

Hmmm… where to begin?

A good fire one is when my friend Julie and I were about 12 and thought it was a good idea to make candles out of candles. Read: move large flame around wax and then mold it with hands until it becomes a turtle, or whatever else we wanted it to be. Note: Finger nail polish IS flammable! So is the newspaper we used to “protect” the table. Yeah. Lesson learned.

Pamela March 31, 2006 at 7:16 pm

Throwing rocks at a hornets’ nest.
Yeah. That’s gotta be the dumbest.
Me & my sisters and the neighborhood homies all stood there pitching rocks, wondering what they would do…

I don’t wonder anymore.

Weeks later, I felt a hornet following me home, and I
ran like hell, got in the house and slammed the door.
I actually slammed the bee in the door. plunk.

Do you think hornets’ carry a grudge?

Christine April 3, 2006 at 1:19 am

Damn. I had something stupid that I did, and then I read Amy T.’s comment about the curls. Now I can’t stop giggling.

Just to give you some peace of mind though, only about 3% of all alzheimers cases are thought to be hereditary. I was freaked out about that a few years ago when my Grandmother had it, but discovered that if I get it – it probably didn’t come from her. (I personally suspect it is from all the preservatives and crap that we eat, but that is a topic for another day.)

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