Look at all the pretty tails

by statia on March 28, 2006

There’s something I never told my readers. Something I need to get off my chest. I know I shouldn’t be ashamed, but I always tend to hide this one piece of my history for some unknown reason.

I’m a guppy orphan.

Earlier today at work, I was at one of my co-workers cubes and we were discussing dreams. One of the dreams had one of my what I like to call my 100% real-fake cousins in it. You all have the real-fake cousins. I went on to tell her how my parents met their parents: At a guppy show. Yes, that’s right, a guppy show. My parents (my father really, more than my mother, as like us, she was just along for the ride. A product of another one of my fathers “hobbies of the decade”) belonged to the “Long Island Guppy Association” which partook in the International Fancy Guppy Association. My childhood was filled with a basement full of rows and rows of fish tanks containing fancy show guppies. My father would travel to various states throughout the year showing off his precious guppies and winning awards and trophies, all which were proudly displayed in the stairway, along with our mustard yellow 1980′s carpet and wallpaper. Oh yes, good times.

My father drove my mother nuts with his hobby, and while the trips they took were mostly just the two of them, every year, the big trip that my sister and I were allowed to go to a show was at the Howard Johnson’s in Saddlebrook, New Jersey, where they had an indoor pool. All we wanted to do was swim. WE COULD SWIM INDOORS, PEOPLE!!! Do you realize how big this is? It’s a pool.. indoors!!! Such a novel concept to a 7 year old.

Yeah, so my life was filled with such embarrassments as having to wear a navy blue t-shirt with white velvet letters ironed on that said “guppy orphan” (the wives had “guppy widow” shirts, the husbands, they are so clever and funny) and old women who would come up and ask “WHAT’S A GOOPIE?”

My coworker was on the floor dying when I told her this. Insisting that I was lying. I mean, come on. I couldn’t make this shit up if I tried.

{ 16 comments }

Anne March 28, 2006 at 4:02 pm

That. Is awesome.

Pamela March 28, 2006 at 4:02 pm

Parents are weird…

Maybe soon enough you’ll be one!

All the best!

Ornery March 28, 2006 at 5:20 pm

Do you have any pics of you in the guppy orphan shirt? If so, you MUST post them immediately!

My father was also into embarrassing hobbies, the most annoying of which was his obsession with society finches. Even now, I can’t help but flinch every time I cross paths with one of those suckers while walking down the pet store aisle.

Merrin March 28, 2006 at 5:47 pm

Sweet mother of God, that’s funny.

Camille March 28, 2006 at 6:30 pm

OMG, you so could totally make that up. I seriously thought you were joking until about 2/3 of the way through. Who knew such an association existed??

Jonathan March 28, 2006 at 6:50 pm

Just when you think you know someone.

Mary Scarlet March 28, 2006 at 7:43 pm

This is so freaking hilarious. A coworker of mine set up a tank at work a few years ago, and while outfitting it we came across the whole fancy guppy subculture. So, so funny

robyn March 28, 2006 at 8:10 pm

And to think I let you sleep in my house…..

md March 28, 2006 at 8:30 pm

That is definitely some weird shit. Hilarious.

thalia March 28, 2006 at 11:01 pm

Love the sound of that t-shirt. Those men don’t half get obsessive about these things!

You’re doing an amazing job at keeping yourself occupied. I look forward to lots more posts like this.

Orodemniades March 29, 2006 at 2:05 am

Hahahahaha!

Right now, Mr Oro is watching CHiPs, so, don’t feel too bad.

Even though that is hilarious. Guppies!

Mrs. T March 29, 2006 at 4:18 am

Learn something new every day right? That was funny. Poor kid!

Teresa March 29, 2006 at 5:53 am

Guppy orphan-who knew?

geeky March 29, 2006 at 6:15 am

and i thought my dad’s obsession with firetrucks was bad…

girl March 29, 2006 at 10:59 am

ha! my stepdad used to raise Killiefish and sell them to people all over the freakin’ world. he made it part of the science projects that the kids could do in his classroom. I used to take care of them when he’d have to go out of town (make the brine shrimp, pick eggs out of plants and put them in peat moss). yeah, it was GREAT.

Deltus March 29, 2006 at 11:31 am

BWAHAHAHAHA!!!

“I’m a guppy orphan.”

I’m getting that on a shirt of my own. How bizarre!

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