My husband, the man who’s suffered from way too much blunt head force trauma over the years.

by statia on February 18, 2006

Living with my husband is sometimes like living with a 8 year old laced on meth and acid together. The shit that comes out of his mouth at random makes me shake my head and wonder if I just thought was cute at first, or was it ever really as bad as it is now? I don’t think it was, and I’m blaming the Irn Bru.

Yesterday? While waiting for my drugs to be ready, the meester decided to check out the beverage section and found a large can of blueberry soda, which he decided he HAD TO BUY. People, maybe blueberry soda sounded good when I was about 8, but at 30? The thought of blueberry soda makes me want to hurl, which is a sure sign that I’m getting old. When novelty sugarfoods don’t sound remotely appealing anymore. Randomly out of his mouth, he came up with his own ad slogan. “More blueberry, less fuckin’ around.”

And people, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Last night, our favorite sushi restaurant was playing classical music and out of nowhere the meester says: “Could you imagine if this were stripper music?” And then while at the grocery store last night, he saw a bottle of Fish Eye wine and lamented that it would be cool if every bottle had a real fish eye in it. Or this one time, we were headed into the city, the song “There She Goes” came on the radio and he proceeded to tell me that it would be cool if the video were of gummy bears having sex.

This is the sort of shit I live with on a regular basis.

{ 8 comments }

Zuly February 18, 2006 at 10:09 am

That’s the kind of stupid shit I say all the time. I’ll give you Seymour;s email address… he;ll be a sympathetic ear for you.

md February 18, 2006 at 1:28 pm

. . . c’mon, I can imagine that ANY tune is stripper music. can’t you? (I’m kidding.) well, no, actually – now I AM imagining it. ;-)

Doesn’t his banter take your mind off the IVF protocol?

Tonya February 18, 2006 at 3:48 pm

Statia, your hubby and mine should get together and go bowling. I think they would get along famously.

Deltus February 18, 2006 at 8:16 pm

Hey, that fish eye idea is golden, man! It’d be, like, the tequilla worm, only with a fish eye and wine. He needs to patent the idea before them rat bastards Ernet and Julio Gallo steal it and make MEEELLIONS!

geeky February 20, 2006 at 6:28 am

does it mean there’s something wrong with me if i don’t find his comments weird? or that i find them hysterical?

Molly February 20, 2006 at 6:56 am

I think me and your husband would definitely get along.

Natalie February 21, 2006 at 11:14 am

I find them really funny too, especially the gummy bears one. I can picture that. It’d be rad!

Jessie February 21, 2006 at 12:49 pm

As for the stripper music with sushi? Last time my mister and I went out for sushi the music playing sounded like bad 70s porn music. We both almost fell out of our chairs laughing when we noticed it. He may just have something there.

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