What happens when God comes to visit and you owe her money?

by statia on January 16, 2006

You get her drunk and try and make her forget about the cold that she got you out of before Christmas, and gave to herself. And you keep her drunk so that she doesn’t remember all of the shitty things that have been being the shittiest of shitty to her recently.

You let her rip off your toilet seat.

You buy her lots of cheese in which to keep her happy.

And you give her a nice comfortable bed with 800 thread count sheets and a down comforter so that she’ll never want to leave.

Words can’t express how excited I am that my beloved Helen is coming to visit. The woman is folding cheese in with her knickers. She’s going to smell like a Dutch whore just for me.

And for that, we’ll treat her right and let her throw pointy sticks at a board that has a picture of her sister on it.

Ok, and maybe my sister too.

And if she’s smart, she’ll take the sage words of advice that Ms. Pants didn’t heed. Always zip your suitcase closed, or else a certain black lab will nose through it and eat food you might have left in there. Also? Miss M. likes to eat underwear.

P.S. God? I totally paid you back. You just don’t remember since I got you drunk on tequila that night.

{ 7 comments }

girl January 17, 2006 at 6:41 am

I’m so jealous. I wish I had the time and $$ to travel around and meet other bloggers. plus I’m always working or something when people come through Houston and I never get to meet anyone. harumph.

Deltus January 17, 2006 at 7:26 am

“She’s going to smell like a Dutch whore just for me.”

BAHAHAHAHA!!

amy t. January 17, 2006 at 7:36 am

I’m jealous too. Lucky bitch.

wn January 17, 2006 at 10:39 am

Ohh..I want to get drunk with the both of you too…have a GREAT time…ok…well, since Helen is going through a rough time, that might be an overstatement of sorts…but I do hope that you are able to enjoy one another’s company and do some fun stuff that brings some levity to your lives. Tequila helps.

Manuela January 17, 2006 at 2:00 pm

How is little Miss M recovering???

Helen January 18, 2006 at 5:27 am

Dear Statia-

That debt is so not forgiven. Now atone for making Dutch whore jokes.

Love
God

God January 18, 2006 at 5:28 am

Dear Statia-

That debt is so not forgiven. Now atone for making Dutch whore jokes.

Love
God

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